The Library

When RAM (Rage at Machine) first joined us, he posted (partly in jest): I came upon this site recently. Truth be told, I was googling "porn" when this came up. I was not looking for anything like this. I first browsed this site with a mix of curiosity and con...

Sometimes when I feel a little squirrely inside my old head, I need to actually shut up (a tall order for me!!) and follow someone else's advice. It could be Hashem's, it could be another person's - no matter. As long as it isn't me.

Many years ago I was in a crazy situation and felt ready to explode. The physical stress was the least of it; I was surrounded by negative waves from family, school, and a boyfriend. The boyfriend was the real problem. I was a modern orthodox Balas Teshuva, and always ha...

Yesterday Uri posted a last gasp of a drowning man: I'm falling big time here. This is my last call for help. I have two tabs open now, one of them is GYE, the other... I also have had enough of falling by myself. I have my finger on the phone waiting to call a girl w...

One of the main tactics for me is filling the emptiness with spiritual pursuits. When I actually think about it, I have made such strides and should be dancing in the streets, but the Y"H does wonders in concealing our accomplishments and revealing only ou...

"I have never felt bad enough - or been in a situation that is bad enough, that a little lusting wouldn't make it even worse!" Ani ma'amin be'emunah sheleimah that however much it hurts not to act out, acting out will only make things even more complicated and even more difficult for me. There's gottabe something else I can do!

When all is going smoothly, we don't feel as much of a need to speak to Hashem and request His help. Sorta like a wealthy person rarely feels the need to ask Hashem to give him parnassa as often as a poor person does. But the reality is, that BOTH are just as dependant on...

Someone wrote on the forum: I'm on day 20 and hit a milestone of one of the first periods of nidda that I made it through without falling. You would think I'd be flying high... But I actually had a tough Shabbos. My addiction was causing me to obsess quite a ...

Romantic Love is a huge fraud foisted on the western world by poets and novelists, but it has no place in reality, and it always ends in frustration. It is only when marriages are made with rational considerations, that the participants thereby are satisfi...

I yearned to be on top, To reach the tip of the mountain. I envisioned myself - Jumping over rocks, Kicking away the obstacles, Gliding between the trees, Flying up the steep incline, In perfect balance exhilarated . Climbing higher And higher All the way up… In reali...

Jack wrote me an e-mail: Dear guardureyes, yesterday was my one-year anniversary on GYE. What is a birthday for if not for reflecting on the past year? Have we grown? Are we the same as we were last year? Well, for 38 years straight, I was the same every year...

"I started here just a few months ago, after 20 years of addiction. I too thought this was just another "strategy" in the long list of strategies that I have tried. Obviously, they all failed. But you will see, GYE is not only about strategy. We can all get real recovery here. YOU CAN GET BETTER!"

One really tough Sunday afternoon is worth more than 10 regular days for your growth and in separating yourself from this addiction.

I dragged myself to shul Friday night, after not having been or shul or having davened in around 4 days. I went to a shul that I'm rarely at, in the hope of no one bothering me. I sat in the corner and listened to sounds of Yedid Nefesh and I closed my eyes and t...

Direct anger and frustration at the addiction and use that energy for recovery. My shooting instructor once told me, "there are people in this world who need to be shot. When that time comes, you want to be able to help them". We owe him. Now it's yo...

I believe in very few "rules" and directives. If whatever I'm already doing isn't working (and I had >15 years of that craziness), I try something else. If that works, I keep it in my pocket for the next time and share it with others. Here's one example o...

After my latest binge, I realized that my worst days when trying are nowhere as bad as my 'normal' days when not trying

I was addicted to sexual thoughts, fantasy, pornography and masturbation. Every year, Ellul after Ellul, I would launch a full scale attack on my addiction, But sooner or later year after year, I fell and failed. There were times I stopped in Ellul and did n...