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Uri Uri, Shir Dabeiri! - Awake Awake, Sing a Song! "Tapping in to the REAL US"

I want to bring some awesome posts from the diary of Uri in Jerusalem. There is so much we can learn about Teshuvah in Elul from this young boy.

GYE Corp. Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Part 1/3 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

I dragged myself to shul Friday night, after not having been or shul or having davened in around 4 days.
I went to a shul that I'm rarely at, in the hope of no one bothering me.
I sat in the corner and listened to sounds of Yedid Nefesh and I closed my eyes and tried somehow to connect to the beautiful song even though I was not in that place.
After a minute though, I started getting lost in the moving tune and in the words of longing for Hashem.
Tears started welling up when I felt an arm on my shoulder.
I looked up to see the Gabai standing over me. He's a family friend.
I knew what he wanted right away.
"No. I'm sorry, but I'd rather not daven this week".
He gave me a pleading look. I knew from times past that it's hard to find a chazzan in a shul such as this. It's mostly older Americans who are of the Young Israel type.
I finally nodded my consent. He smiled and walked off.
"What's going on here? G-d, do you fancy yourself a comedian? Out of all the possible weeks, why this one?! I haven't davened in almost a week. I am just 2 days after a crazy marathon of sin, and I am not feeling in the least inspired".
But I do take Kabbalos Shabbos pretty seriously. It used to be my favorite time of the whole week. And I believe that anyone who leads the Tzibbur has to really be sincere and in touch with Hashem and the moment.
So I dug deep down, looking for that part of me which I know is there somewhere, but is at times (especially now) really hard to find and connect to.
I took the tallis that the Gabai handed me and got up to the bimah.
I looked down at the siddur. Such beautiful words.
I opened my mouth "Lechu Neranena Lashem..."
I was off.
It was the most beautiful davening I have had in a long long time.
I have never seen a congregation get so into it.
Here we were, all joined together in the song of the Shabbos - that I thought I might never feel again.
I thought the shul would lift into the air and fly directly to shamayim as we sang the holy song of "Lecha Dodi".
By the time we got to Shema, I could swear I felt the walls shaking.
People were mamash yelling "SHEMA YISRAEL!"

It was gevaldig, my friends.
After davening, people were coming over to me left and right.
One guy told me that now he felt he could have a real shabbos.
I think they were exaggerating a bit, but I got the message.
Ok, so I've been down. I've been really down.
But there is a part of me that is connected to Hashem and will always be connected no matter what.
And if I can only learn to tap into that part, life will be a very different experience.
I never realized that I can bring up that part even when I'm not "feeling it".

That's one of the lessons I learned from this Friday night.

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