I’m just going to say that everyone makes mistakes, even big mistakes.
And I am not justifying the mistakes.

But I will say that Benoni is a tzadik for overcoming a seemingly insurmountable nisayon.

YeshivaGuy

It seems בנוני  was banned. Anyone know why? 

Grant400 wrote on 12 May 2021 12:50:

Refer to YeshivaGuy's post.

I'm in touch with him if you have something for me to tell him...

Grant400 wrote on 12 May 2021 12:50:

To all concerned GYE members,
When GYE bans someone, it's always for good reason. This has nothing to do with the person's standing as we never judge anyone. GYE only bans people when there is a possible risk to other members. GYE also discusses (in most cases) the ban with the person and usually the person agrees to the ban (as it's also for his own benefit). 

The bottom line is that this forum is here to help people grow and heal, and GYE does their best to keep it safe for everyone.

Oh wow! I never knew GYE bans people

Ayo I’m back
Feels like techiyas hameisim over here lol

Ok but in all seriousness, some of you might be wondering why I had to take a “sabbatical”. Basically I made a terrible mistake that not only affected me but also another member here. Very ashamed. Not quite sure what the minhag here is if I need to explain more or not so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Anyways, so excited to be back!!! The last month has been really hard for me. I’ve been kinda depressed lately which has lead to me acting out with frequency. I also had access to an unfiltered device which I was not strong enough to use responsibly. B’ezras Hashem, being able to post on here and gain some chizuk from you all will be just what I need to get back on track. 

With lots of love to my fellow giborim,
בינוני

Welcome back friend!

Keep us posted!

Welcome back!

Missed you

Hi buddy! Good to hear from you again!

Nice to see you back

Welcome back buddy! We missed you 

Thanks everyone for all your support!
Happy to say that tonight I'll be one week clean. 

בינוני wrote on 11 Jun 2021 03:03:

That’s great! Keep it up!! 

Ok so here's the deal: I really have to start taking this stuff more seriously. I was motzi zera levatala twice over the past weekend (including once on Shabbos). If it weren't for my filters, I would have most definitely looked at porn too. 

Additionally, I want to share something that I have not yet admitted publicly on here, but I think that I need to because I really need help for it. I seriously struggle with low self esteem and have many insecurities about my body. Because of this, I feel that I need constant validation that I look good and this has lead me to do things which I'm not proud to admit: I will chat with other guys online who also have ssa and that almost inevitably leads to them asking for shmutzik pictures/videos of me. Wanting their compliments and validation, I usually send them what they ask for but no matter how many times I'm told that I actually look good, I never feel like it's enough. If one person says that my insecurities are baseless, it might put me at ease for a little while, but then the next day, I'll just seek out someone else to share my body with and receive compliments from. Not to sound gaivedik, but quite a few people (guys and girls) have told me I'm good-looking and yet I have a hard time believing them because I always focus on my flaws. 

Does anyone please have some help to offer me for overcoming this addiction for external validation? I want to be able to feel confident in myself. I want to stop obsessing over my looks. I want to be able to sincerely thank Hashem for what I was blessed with. And I really want to stop being a shtickle porn actor and giving in to others' desires to see me when they're facing their own struggles.

Hey בינוני,

I don't have much to say about your thing, just wanted to say how courageous you were for writing that about yourself!
It must have been quite hard to say those things.
But as you wrote, you feel like you need to write it for recovery; that's very true, being honest with what a person's struggle is, is a big step to recovery. I can't say I'm always honest about mine, but I try .

As I'm writing this I figured I'll add this...
I struggled with ssa too a couple of years back, I don't think it stemmed from low self esteem but it was ssa nonetheless. I just want you to know that I'm fully recovered from that and bezras Hashem you will too. 
For me what worked was, not thinking about it the whole day how to stop, I just let it fade away by itself (I guess that doesn't make too much sense, but that's really what happened). I spoke to HHM about it and together with speaking it over and just forgetting about it, it went away. (And don't think I didn't have ssa; I touched quite a few people, I acted upon many of those type of thoughts too...)
So keep up the good work and hopefully soon you'll get out of all this.

HappyYid