Shalom to the chevra kedusha here,

I just joined on GYE a few days ago and I’m so excited to be starting the 90 day journey! I’m sober since last Thursday when I signed up for gye ka”h. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to last, but with the help of the heilgeh Yidden here and I also installed the KBA webchaver filter on my phone so already I feel like I have the advantage over my yetzer hara. I know it’s definitely possible bc in the last year my longest streak was ~105 days, but I was in a place rooming with 8 other people and no internet so even if I wanted to be nichshal, it was very hard. Anyways wish me luck my friends and of course a tremendous “B’hatzlacha” to all of you as well!

Tov Lev Mishte Tamid!
Party is the right word. Keeping clean and guarding your Neshama will give you a good clean heart. Life will be a party!
Hatzlocha

Welcome, fellow soldier!

One of the golden rules in recovery (for many, but not necessarily for everyone) is:

"rewired self talk = rewired thinking = rewired behavioral patterns"

Can I trouble you to go straight to a mirror and rephrase the above statements in a way that paints you in a more positive light? (If you are not ready for this exercise, I fully understand....)

I know this works cuz this was the only way that I was able to get out of my personal rut.

איני אותו האיש

With a warm welcome from Grodno ~ IMG

Thanks for the welcome IMG. I’m not quite sure what you mean though.

Benoni wrote on 09 Feb 2021 23:34:

What the means is you've got to believe in yourself! 

Talk to yourself and say "I know I can do this, so many others here are just like me and broke free. It can be done and it can be done by me."

"I am not sure that I will get it on my first try but I will get there"

"I've done it before so I know it's possible and I will do it again"

"Many guys did it and survived, I will also survive (and strive) without this garbage"

WNGU, Thanks for decoding my cryptic post! You, unlike me, speak in a clear and succinct manner...

Benoni, listen to whatever WNGU says!

With esotericism (and kryptonite) from Grodno ~ IMG

Ok thx  I hear what you're saying. I think I initially phrased it like that to avoid deluding myself and giving myself a false sense of optimism. I do wholeheartedly agree that I should go into this with an "I can do it" mindset cuz otherwise I would just be wasting my time.

I hate to admit it but I was just nichshal with porn. I think it started out innocently enough because I was looking for some health advice regarding my member. Eventually, though, I looked up a genital condition and almost without thinking I went straight to “images”, saw some pictures, and I got arroused. The y”h has an infinite number of ways to cause one to fall which means we must always be alert. I failed to do so today  and I now I must do teshuva. The only way that this fall was different than all my others previously is that after I saw an inappropriate picture, I closed the tab and came straight to here. In the past I probably would  have gotten to the point of masturbation but B”H, i was able overcome that nisayon. 

Shkoyach on not falling after the slip - easier said than done much respect for you

Hey Benoni!

Welcome to one of the most special places on earth! GYE! A place that all yidden come to get closer to Hashem and are honest about their struggles so together we can strengthen ourselves to do ratzon Hashem! ))

You clearly are super dedicated to the cause, and I wish you much hatzlacha on your journey! 

Read through some of the other threads and make sure to keep posting! 

Positivity and consistency will get you very far!

#Hatzlacha

Benoni wrote on 11 Feb 2021 04:21:

This is the greatest form of teshuvah! Catching yourself and stopping before it becomes worse just because you want to do the will of Hashem!


(and BTW, in smart recovery this would not be considered a relapse but a lapse... which can be a positive thing... see below)

...If you view your lapse as a mistake and as a product of external triggers, rather than as a personal failure, research shows that you will have a much better chance of return to abstinence quickly. Your lapse becomes a tool to move forward and to strengthen your motivation to change, your identification of triggers and urge-controlling techniques, your rational coping skills, and the lifestyle changes needed to lead a more balanced life...

DavidT- thx for the perspective. I already reset my chart but wtvr, that’s not what matters. Plus I feel that if I can’t fess up, what’s the point of me even doing the whole 90 day thing yk?

Benoni wrote on 11 Feb 2021 17:01:

The main thing is to remember that the chart is just a chart... A tool to help you grow, not a reflection of your true self.

Thank you Hashem for letting me delete all of the saved pictures of shmutz on my phone without me even opening them up to look at them. Don’t get me wrong it was difficult but the whole time I kept from opening the pictures by saying “Thats what the yetzer hara wants. It’s just the y”h. It’s just the y”h. I will not let Hashem down just to satisfy it.”