272 days clean is a great achievement.

It proves you have many techniques to stay clean...because you would have been tested and won the tests in that streak.

Take it day by day.

#Day0

BH another roughly 30 days in the books. Just had some falls today and back down to beginning, but I started a new program of "kansos/fines." I actually took a scissors to $100....Hopefully, it will give me a better idea of what hashchasa is...

Please Hashem help me continue improving in these areas of Kedusha!

Realestatemogul wrote on 12 Oct 2019 23:54:

I think you should go back to “Real Estate” college... You can’t rip up “in Gd we trust”

I hope the Secret Service isn't reading this...

Continued Hatzlacha!

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 13 Oct 2019 00:49:

Most guys that subscribe to gye are Secret Service, the elite undercover sub-division!

That seems like a deranged decision. Try more rational approaches.

Tzvi5 wrote on 13 Oct 2019 03:41:

If you are trying to help him maybe pick a better choice of words ,  most people typically don't listen when they are told that they are being "deranged "..

One should know what to work on,
an oppinon is a personal point of view, not an insult chas veshalom.

LOL! First of all it was about $100 but was actually in a different currency....They can try and track my IP Address if they want to figure it out...

Thank you for the feedback, the insults, and the defenses! 

I spoke to someone else on GYE who advised a "knas" for breaking a geder (like using an unfiltered device) is better that for actually falling...

But I also don't understand why everyone is saying it is so extreme...If I were to fall everyone would say, "its okay, dont worry, just get up and keep working on it!" Surely, falling and being motzee zera lvatala is worse than losing $100, no?

If you'd like to give yourself a heavy knas then perhaps you can give $100 to your enemy, homeless guy on the street or charity organization you hate...

Hey Gye,

I just wanted to update everyone that I am very much still here trucking away to get clean.

I haven't watched anything inappropriate in over 30 days, and I am also working on a healthy strategy to stop being mzl. 

Thank you GYE for being a group of people creating a way to get to greater heights! 

Hi REM

Just went and read this post from the beginning (skipped a bit and skimmed some others). It really is an inspirational read. Thanks so much for posting. I hope things go well.

Thank you for the kind words

Hey REM

How you doing? Hope you are well!

REPOST - I thought this made sense to be on my thread, but it is from another thread giving a chaver some short words. 

I am currently on Day 2 clean, but only last year I had a 250+ day streak!! See I found that I was so motivated to stay clean forever, but once I fell and I saw that I wasn't "cured" it became harder to keep up longer streaks then I became less motivated. It's hard to stay clean when it may only last a week or month..."Will I ever be clean?," "What is the point anyway?," and "Who am I fooling?" have become the types of thoughts that run through my brain. 

...BUT obviously I have a deep burning desire to do better than that. I desire to have a life that is productive and bears fruits, which means no wasting precious time on this earth with escaping to watch porn or sinning by wasting seed. HOWEVER, Hashem created us with certain desires (everyone in different ways) and I know he wants me to work on overcoming this. I know that this is my challenge in life and how I will get my share in the next world (among other areas I need improvement on...). 

WITH that being said, I applaud you for you incredible streak prior to this. It was an incredible achievement and as you mentioned it has given you certain tools and brought you to a higher level that will NEVER be lost. (#MuscleMemory)

I personally have tried to focus (thanks to the help from GYE members) on stopping watching inappropriate things, which I have been much more successful at in the past few months (my streak is mzl, but I havn't watched porn in longer than that). I HIGHLY recommend spending the few $'s to get a solid filter. If I offered you a couple more hours of your life a week for a few $'s, it would be a no brainer. Yes, your computer/phone may be a drop slower, but you will be happier and more productive person and it would be worth it.  

So I wish you much hatzlacha in your journey to continue climbing this mountain! After a relapse is a time to refocus on why you are doing this and decide what you are willing to sacrifice for it. GYE is a great resource and having a strong support system of friends and mentors are really helpful, but focus on short term successes and pulling out of the mud. Then it get's easier to climb. 

Sorry for the ramble, but I wanted to share my experience.