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Starting again fresh
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Starting again fresh 4330 Views

Starting again fresh 02 May 2018 21:50 #330598

  • Louis4sameach
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Today, lab laomer I am starting again. I fell before many times but today feels different. I am invoking the power of my mind to overcome the wills of my heart. I installed filters on my web browsers.
I need to focus on my studies more and avoid allowing my eyes to stray on the college campus.
Thank you for your support and encouraging words!

Re: Starting again fresh 02 May 2018 22:28 #330602

  • stillgoing
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Hi Louis. Good luck and Hatzlacha on the fresh start.  For me, no falls were ever different in the long run. They all just led to another one. The only thing that was different was my efforts in recovery.

Keep it up
sg
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Re: Starting again fresh 02 May 2018 23:27 #330607

  • ieeyc
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hi ,it was nice chatting with you today, i didnt know that you had a thread, keep on posting, im sure tha you will get the encouragement that you (and we all )are looking for ,chazak chazak! have you read the gye handbook?its great!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 02 May 2018 23:31 by ieeyc.

Re: Starting again fresh 02 May 2018 23:30 #330609

  • cordnoy
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Louis4sameach wrote on 02 May 2018 21:50:
Today, lab laomer I am starting again. I fell before many times but today feels different. I am invoking the power of my mind to overcome the wills of my heart. I installed filters on my web browsers.
I need to focus on my studies more and avoid allowing my eyes to stray on the college campus.
Thank you for your support and encouraging words!

God speed!

I don't know your sitch, but for me, the power of my mind never overcame the wills of my heart.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Starting again fresh 02 May 2018 23:35 #330610

  • ieeyc
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by me it was sometimes i was victorious sometimes not.

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: Starting again fresh 04 May 2018 03:39 #330661

  • Louis4sameach
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How do you overcome temptation if not by restricting access, diverting attention and using your mind?

Re: Starting again fresh 04 May 2018 03:49 #330662

  • Louis4sameach
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Thank you we can do this together with the help of Hashem I have a lot to say if we can strike the right cord in my brain. I realize after only one day how much my addiction takes over my brain to the point that I have trouble remembering and I feel desensitized from life events. As much as my intellect might see an event as important my emotion does not I believe because of my porn addiction. I even have trouble typing that word. I always thought I was insensitive to life because this world is compared to a hallway and physical pleasure does not appeal to my neshama but I realize that really my disease is even numbing me from life making it seem like the only real thing is videos of lude acts. I am sick and tired of that feeling that is why I am here. Also because I want to be close to the bore and I need to have a clean head to learn torah.
Also I will be a madrich in yeshiva BH starting august and I know I will need to wean some boys off of porn with Hashem's help and I cannot be an addict myself.
Thank you for comment and criticism
Divre Torah welcome please especially about the sanctity of the eyes
Last Edit: 04 May 2018 03:50 by Louis4sameach. Reason: not done

Re: Starting again fresh 04 May 2018 04:37 #330664

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Louis4sameach wrote on 04 May 2018 03:39:
How do you overcome temptation if not by restricting access, diverting attention and using your mind?

And if I tried that and it didn't help?
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Re: Starting again fresh 04 May 2018 11:01 #330672

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Welcome Louis. Stay connected, keep posting, and iyh you will read many different types of advice. Find what resonates with you and go for it. Hatzlocha. a good way to start is to write more sepecifically what your challenges have been, what you have tried in the past, how you plan on staying focused....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

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                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting again fresh 08 May 2018 04:39 #330786

  • Louis4sameach
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BH now is day six, unfortunately I had a dirty dream last night and its really upsetting but not a wet dream.
This almost week has been great I feel much more productive and connected, the weather last week was really beautiful and I was able to spend time outside without all the guilt.
I am addicted to porn and now with all of your help I am going through the motions of recovery. I usually watched on my phone. I started many years ago when I was like 10/11 on our home computer.
Worst time is in bed at night so now I participate in GYE before I go to sleep and all of you strong people give me chizuk.
My best friend got married last night and I feel that already my experiences are becoming more enjoyable as my brain is weaned off of porn.
I would also watch in the bathroom and sometimes during the day while at home alone, in secular college.
To Answer MARKZ I think that if filters are not enough than consider a kosher phone or a flip phone even for a few days can help. try to change your schedule. When I first started university I didnt masturbate for a because I had a room mate then I went home and started again when I got back I would wait for him to go to sleep or sit in the semipublic restroom late at night. That was a year and a half ago how time flies.
Most important do not give up that is the mission of the satan, he wins when you give up. Just because it didnt work yesterday doesnt mean you cant push harder today. Invite a friend to sleep over or better yet get invited out, at other people's houses, unfamiliar surroundings I hardly ever  any improper thoughts nevermind thoughts of porn and masturbation.

If anyone has issues with word usage please let me know, I do not like those words but sometimes I feel they are necessary, they make me uncomfortable and dredge up bad feelings but I do not know the proper replacements yet.
Thank you and good luck!
bSHEM Hashem na'asseh venatsliach

Re: Starting again fresh 08 May 2018 05:17 #330790

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If the words are making you uncomfortable, that's great. The less comfortable you are, the better. By all means, keep using em.
Calling it mz"l or p*** or shmutz is not helpful to anyone, IMO

great post, thank you for sharing.
As HHM said in the chat, what happens while you are asleep is not on you. I know it's hard not to feel down about it at first, but it's out of your control. Ignore it completely.

Re: Starting again fresh 08 May 2018 10:27 #330795

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Using the actual terminology - pornography and masturbation - is very helpful. Its a declaration of honesty, plus it defines the "monster" - makes it real - and therefore conquerable.

As said in the chat, when the subconscious realizes you are not consciously planning to "release" any more, it tries to get its "fix" while it is charge - when you are asleep or very spaced out. Wet dreams, erections, and even waking up with your hands in the process of masturbating, are to be expected. These happenings are actually to be celebrated - because it means the subconscious is panicking and desperate. If ignored, these occurrences will happen less frequently and iyh stop.  Hatzlacha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting again fresh 23 May 2018 03:12 #331245

  • Louis4sameach
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Now I'm back from Ireland BH and shavuot was very hard. I'm still clean but my urge from masturbation is getting stronger. I'm almost not comfortable going to the bathroom because I need to touch my penis. It really makes me realize how much I was addicted to pornography and masturbation. On the flip side there's so much more kedusha because i have to constantly remind myself that I cannot pleasure myself with my hand and I cannot allow my mind to wander anywhere. I feel more in control new than i have in so long. Good luck to all!

Re: Starting again fresh 23 May 2018 03:21 #331246

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The urge is fake. You don't need to masturbate. Keep reminding yourself of that and you will pull through iyh. The withdrawal will iyh recede as each day passes by clean. Keep it up buddy. (or "chap" if in Ireland they speak like the British) 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting again fresh 23 May 2018 10:36 #331258

  • Louis4sameach
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Thank you that should really help. I really owe all of you because you give motivation. I dreamt last night that I was masterbating and comparing my size to something else which is something I did when I watched porn. BH it was not a wet dream though. Mechayil el chayil pray for me ppleas. I pray that all those struggling with this terrible addiction find their means of breaking free. 
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