ieeyc wrote on 13 Mar 2018 14:29:

#adviceorshare?

ieeyc wrote on 13 Mar 2018 15:46:

#adviceorshare?

And KARL MARKZ IS BACK  BIGGER AND BADDER THAN EVER !!!

I wish I could change myself 1%. No clue how. Any tips?

btw I was never away, simply submerged - mediation and deep breathing helps

Markz wrote on 13 Mar 2018 18:05:

Initially, I was gonna write: I don't know about changin' myself, but I changed my actions.

ThenThen I thought that changin' my actions actually changed myself.

Then I thought that changin' myself caused me or allowed me to change my actions.

Bottom line: I don't know, but workin' thru the steps definitely helped me in the changin' department.

cordnoy wrote on 13 Mar 2018 22:53:

Regarding all this talk about changing:
Just last night I discovered the Serenity Prayer, which is apparently well-known in the 12-step/recovery world. Could be y'all know it but I had never seen it before. I found it very meaningful:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 
the courage to change the things I can, 
and the wisdom to know the difference.

B"h have been going strong the past few days. However the past day or so I have had this feeling/urge of relapsing. I have tried working out, breathing and etc but it's still thwre nagging and getting stronger. What do you do get over those that feeling? 

When that happens to me, i call someone. It helps . Hatzlocha.

Hey guys,
I'm back. I thought I wouldn't need this support group anymore because I was trying new strategies. This worked for a while but it has ultimately failed (again) and I feel as if I am back at square one. I feel annoyed, angry, and don't have that hopeful joy I have had when I started down the path the previous times. I am meditating every day which is really helpful and i'm looking into going to daven in a minyan every day as a way to check on myself and ask god for help. However, despite these habits which are really helping, I feel lost in a sea of constant worry and problems. Also, I am having a harder and harder time coming up with excuses for this behavior to make me feel better about myself, which, in turn, makes it even harder for me to keep this secret from my family. However, I know that if I tell them it will ruin my relationship with them and their image of who I am. I know that sounds selfish, in a sense, but I don't know how else to approach that dilemma. 
Sorry for the wall of text, just relapsed a few days ago and am feeling the brunt of the depression and anger that comes with it.
Thank you guys for being here and I, bli neder, hope to reciprocate and be here more for others.

Welcome back,

I'm no expert, especially when I hardly know you (besides fromI your posts in this thread, which I just read again since the big innin'), but it seems to me that you would really gain from communicatin' with someone about thisI on a personal level.

Godspeed!

Unfortunately today I relapsed again. I think it was due to the fact that I have not been sleeping well the past few weeks and constantly feel tired. In addition, I didnt meditate in the morning as I should've or Davened like a planned because I was tired. My goal is to have a set morning routine that I do no matter what, even if I sleep 30 minutes. I do this routine as soon as I wake up. On the other hand,  I feel like it is pointless because I have anyways committed all these acts for years upon years and have kept this a secret from my family and will have to tell my future wife which will ruin any chance of getting married. What do I do? Is there even a chance for me at a happy future? How do I even approach this problem with my family and etc? 

Voctave, yesterday, I was feeling out of sorts and anxious, and stumbled on to this article on the GYE site, which I thought was helpful.

guardyoureyes.com/articles/prevention/item/how-to-become-an-addiction-free-person?category_id=400

What I like about the article is that it offers a change in perspective..a perspective more of simcha than of burden and despair. 

thank you! that is a very interesting article.