I'm a 20 year old male, modern orthodox jew that has tried to stop masturbating and/or watching porn in one way or another. I have been trying to stop since I was 16 and have had successful streaks along the way of 3 months, 90 days, 50 days and etc, however, have always returned. I think my dependence on these things started because I have a truly insignificant speech problem where I stammer when I'm nervous which snowballed out of control due to getting more and more nervous each time. That's why that my goal for the next 90 days isn't just to commit blindly to no more porn or masturbation, but rather to work on finding what my trigger(s) is and slowly improving myself along the way.
Each day I will:
1. The moment I get an urge ill write a quick overview of who, what , when, where, and why.
2. Use above mentioned info to identify cue, routine, reward.
3. read each day from my speech improvement book and start to implement changes.

My goal is to post an update here at least once a week. Hopefully it will help someone with their struggles.

Hi Voctave, that sounds like a pretty thought-out plan to me.
I'm in the same boat; 8 days clean so far but still need to isolate the underlying causes and triggers.
Looking forward to your posts! 

Welcome! Hope all goes well. If you skid off the highway, call us for a free tow

Thank g-d for this commitment and site. I was just about to masturbate and then all of a sudden I remembered that I made this commitment and was just thinking to myself how disappointed in myself and you of me. It's crazy how it's only the first day and i'm already almost relapsing, crazy how deeply ingrained this habit is. 
Today, I:
1. didn't read the speech book 
2. despite not writing out the who what when where and etc, I am noticing that I primarily relapse when I am alone and or stressed.

Thank you! That's fantastic, I wish you the best of luck! 

Thank you!

Welcome. Wishing you much hatzlocha!

For me, it was my resentments, and my character defects.

I work on those, and God keeps me sober today.



Good luck!!

Hey guys, 
Unfortunately this week was crazy hectic ans I didnt put in reminders to check the site/post updates to forum. Unfortunately I relapsed last night due to HALT (lonely and tired). However, im learning alot about what are my triggers and where it occurs. For example, im going to add a habit of not bringing my phone into my bathroom or bed. 
Overall, I feel that if that I have the solution in hand, just have to work on implementation. B"h I'll improve my approach this week. 
Thanks for the support! 

Leaving the phone out of reach at challenging locations is an excellent idea. The fact that you reported your fall instead of going into hiding says you understand what is necessary to do to head into recovery. Maybe add to your arsenal calling a chaver daily so that when it gets tough you will have the courage to reach out for help.

Day 2
Today went well and I think that a really important factor for me was that I was with friends for shabbat. I think that making sure you're socially active is one of the most important things in life in general and specifically for overcoming this problem. Also, the environment in which you "surround" yourself can truly impact on whether you are constantly running away or living your life and fighting when those few moments come. Finally, over shabbat I started to realize how stupid it is to care so much about what other people think (or even what you think other people think). At the end of the day you decide how you're perceived, no one else. For example, I could've easily overcome my speech difficulty years ago and would have probably never even encountered many problems I have today, whether socially or etc, if I would've just spoken the way I feel comfortable. And yet still I'm scared to be honest with myself and others. I think that embracing our weaknesses/problems instead of trying to somehow outrun them, would truly impact our progress in becoming the people we want to be. 

Would love to hear your thoughts on things.

Good points, these are definitely two things I can relate to.
Loneliness is a big issue. I've pretty much isolated myself from my friends, being socially active is super important. As they say in the 12-steps world, HALT (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness) and address your needs to prevent a fall.
And even though I know its stupid I care way too much about how people think. Constantly self doubting and nervous about how I'm perceived.

Yeah, on the one hand I hate always letting what other people think hold me back because I know how much I could accomplish. On the other hand, whenever I think about not caring about what other people think and just speaking how I feel comfortable, I have this deeply rooted fear. It's crazy though, I'm terrified of someone realizing I have a speech difficulty and yet if I just accepted myself, it would solve most of the problem (stress). I think that's also a big part of the journey, whether it'd be for porn problems or speech, is learning to accept yourself with your flaws and continually struggling to become the version you want no matter what. Unfortunately, its easier said than done. 

Past few days I have been noticing a pull to go back and relapse. Each time I tried to understand why it is that I want to and besides it being an ingrained habit for the past 7-8 years, I think it is primarily because of a desire to be wanted/"desired". Being a single 20 year old guy who doesn't curently have many female friends if at all, it is something that,  despite me thinking I dont want a relationship yet, still weighs on my mind.
Anyways, 
1. Need to commit more fully to not bringing phone into bathroom or bed. 
2. Have to more consistently read/practice speech. 
3. Overall I'm happy with the amount I'm posting updates, but I'd like to bump it up to daily or something close to it. 

Hope you guys are doing well, and as always would love to get your insights. 

If you are looking for some more connection, maybe reach out to some of the people here. It is an awesome feeling to share our struggles with real people who really understand.