@LoveU, Hashem 
You're not being annoying at all. I get a lot of chizuk from your and others input, and feel more accountable knowing that others are reading what I say. 

B"h Yom Tov was good. I think that less free time and being around people more help me out. I think that during Bain Hazmanim it's much more difficult for me because of the lack of structure. Iy"h I'll start officially counting again in a week at the beginning of next zman. 

A share to Briut and Truth11:
Happy Rosh Chodesh and Good Shabbos (oyoyoy)!

We count days in s'firah because we are waiting. Waiting for kabolas haTorah. The excitement is supposed to build up a bit, no? "We made it!"

I believe that there are many of us who are not working a Program, but are just trying really, really hard to control themselves. They are certainly good people - probably far gooder than I, and I mean that seriously.  Nevertheless, to me they are sitting ducks, period. But what I am going to say even applies to those of us who are working a Program.

Counting the days we are clean can be wonderful for some, but I hope you realize that it can also be - deep within our hearts - a counting of how long we can actually tolerate the (inevitable) buildup until the next time we act out. I believe this is very frequent. It is exactly like climbing up a ladder. I am afraid of heights. If I look back down as I am climbing, once I get to an impossibly high height, my hands and feet begin to shake. I know that I would fall....so I never climb that high! How high do you want to climb in sobriety? If you are looking back you will not get very high. We all know that being sober 5 years in a row is just plain impossible...for each of us, the last barrier is the "impossible height". Sure it's BS, but our feelings do not care about sechel very much. It's our Reality - why pit ourselves against so powerful an adversary?

Instead, my experience in sobriety is like that of a guy walking across an abyss on a 2x8. Now, I have no trouble at all balancing on a 2x8 if I see it's on the floor! But if I see that it is suspended between two high buildings I will certainly panic, lose my balance, fall, and die. Looking down is just plain ossur. So I don't. And I do not count.

It's a good thing I am not a posek around s'firah-time!

@Markz
711 sounds good, I'm always good for a slurpee

@stillgoing
Thanks for the advice, and feel free to use the thread to post your thoughts.  It's important to think about these things.  I'm not sure if I agree with you or maybe I'm misunderstanding you.  It sounds like you're saying that if I/we reallyunderstood what the purpose of life was, I/we wouldn't struggle as much since we would be so involved in living life as it's meant to be lived. 

I'm probably misunderstanding something, but isn't this basically the mussar approach to fighting lust?  "If you only knew how important learning was" or "if you only knew how damaging this is to ourselves/ the world" etc.  Aren't we always going to be human beings with the free will to live as we choose, no matter how much clarity we have at a given time (maybe that's what you meant about it still being there, just lessened)?.

@stillGoing

I've been thinking a little bit more about what you said and might be starting to understand it.  Let me know if this is more along the lines of what you meant.  Even though someone might not be lacking fulfillment in a general sense, when he's watching porn or masturbating it's a sign that at that particular time he's kind of lost and doesn't really have direction.  Therefore we should work on increasing meaningful activities in our lives so we won't be lacking meaning at those times.  If that's the case, I think that I agree with it and will think about what to do with down time.

You write clearly and honestly.

Too much thinking though imho.

The reason we don't succeed isn't because we haven't made enough dramatic commitments and bold statements saying "no more, and never again!". 

We need to DO something. Not THINK something. 

You are on this site. Why the hell would you be here if you don't give a damn about quitting porn?

Peace 

If what Dov is saying is good advice, do you know why there is such an emphasis on GYE on the ninety day program?  Whoever made the site and booklet seemed to view it as a good way of going about this.  Is this just for people at varying levels of this struggle?