bgit wrote on 01 Sep 2017 20:34:

You should become Amshinov...
Motze Shabbos is Tues

Markz wrote on 01 Sep 2017 21:01:

Day #11

B"h shabbos was pretty uneventful.  Also, my mood has picked up a lot since yesterday which should make things a little easier.  I can't believe that I made it this far!

See everyone on day 12!

Super, keep it up b'ezras Hashem

Day #12

Today was gehenom on earth.  Last night I had to talk with my wife regarding some intimate issues (she's assur right now and has been since I started this) and since then my yetzer hara has gotten out of control.  I've been obsessing over certain women that I used to masturbate to since last night.  Every time I try and push it away it comes back with a vengeance.  I feel overwhelmed.  Last night I was desperately hoping that I would have a wet dream just to relieve it.

I kept obsessing over her until it got to a point where I managed to convince myself that it was ok to "just look" at her wikipedia page, but no more.  I was looking at the ninety day chart rules to see if it would be a fall and had convinced myself that it was ok, and after that I would be done.  I was about to go to the bathroom to look at it, when Hashem caught me. I don't know how I didn't do it, but Hashem helped me to stop myself from acting out in any way. Instead I went to gye's forums for some inspiration, which helped slightly.

I feel worn down, and can't manage this for so many more days.  I have to keep focusing on today, and not worry about tomorrow though.  One day at a time.

Tonight is mikva night, so hopefully that will help (as an aside, I can't remember ever getting this excited for the mikva).  That may have also been why I was so worked up, but I'm not sure.  I'm not sure exactly what happened today, but I like to think that it was the death throes of the yetzer hara!

See everyone on day 13!

Thankfully Hashem helped you in your time of need. By the way although I also sometimes wish for a release while sleeping, in truth, it doesn't accomplish anything. Do you ever speak to anyone about all this?

And may the healthy sex relieve you of the lustfor unhealthy sex. If it is done in a giving manner it can help you to become sober.

Sorry to here about the hard times

Might be worth the time to get a few truckers phone #'s for these trying times....

Day #13

Today was much better than yesterday.  Nothing crazy happened except for a few pangs here and there.  Thanks for everyones support yesterday!  I do have a partner, but I'm not willing to call just yet.  I'm nervous that I might be recognized.  I know that people think that it is crazy, stupid and something I need to do, but at this point I don't think that it's absolutely necessary.  If I'm able to, I go to the chatroom and talk it out with someone who is available.

See everyone on day 14!

No one thinks that of you we were all there at one point or another
Just KOMTNMW and continue doing what works for YOU we can only SUGGEST a way to go but ultimately it is up to you 

Day #14

Today was pretty uneventful. It's really gotten a lot easier now that my wife is muttar,although I've heard people say that it's more difficult since you expect more. I'll pay attention. I also wonder what will happen after she becomes assur again, is it going to be like day 1 again? 

See everyone on day 15!

Don't obsess on it but when she becomes off limits, it probably will add to the challenge. Prepare now for that eventuality. I used to live in fear of my wife becoming assur. Presently my wife is having a lengthy and challenging time becoming clean, and it is only due to the training I have received here that it is almost a non issue bli ayin hora. Stay connected here, read the posts, speak to people, etc and you will iyh be ok.

bgit wrote on 04 Sep 2017 00:17:

Hay Brother! that’s life, you have your ups and downs, but what i have learned here from our great brothers is, that you don’t get down and depressed after a lusty day, and neither after a fall, you just dust off yourself, and move ahead, that's life... ups and downs, ups and downs….

obsessed after some women? don’t fight, keeping on thinking that you have to get rid of this thoughts is just making it worse, just have in reserve something to think about, and steer to that route in the second the unhealthy thoughts are popping in.. don’t let this thoughts in your head and fighting it to get out,

Wikipedia? hay buddy, you need a filter to discolor skin color images, get one, so 50% of the struggle is gone, dont hesitate, hard in the beginning, but you will get used to it..

keep on Todaying.... its great, the good feeling of being clean is indescribable, and the great taste of moving forward after a fall is unimaginable.... much much more than the few seconds of fantasy pleasure... just stay strong, and stay clean....

Day #15

Today was pretty uneventful.  Things were under control and nothing too exciting happened.  Thanks to everyone for all of the chizuk!

See everyone on day 16!

Day #16

Today was also pretty uneventful. No news is good news I guess!  Something interesting is that I'm on my third day since I've been with my wife, and it's nowhere near what day #3 was like (when I started).  That was a really rough day.  I guess when everything is kosher, it doesn't reset the clock!

See everyone on day 17!