Day #8

B"H I passed Day #7 and Today is Day #8 !!!

Today is number #8, I had a clean day yesterday, at night is tough, but I’m managing,

The interesting part is, that at day time, I’m doing fine, I’m not struggling at all, I’m busy at work, I don’t have that much time to think about anything other than work, (I used to have more time for porn then work, but now it’s the opposite, thank you GYE…..) but when I come home after work, wife and kids are not home, there is where my problem starts, and after a lot of thoughts, I decided, that my issue is not lust! and not addiction, its bad habit, I am an addict, and bad habit might be the definition of addiction, but I feel, that its not the same, it’s more of habit, that when my wife is not home, I have to act out, I have to get occupied with those activity’s, and I think that a habit is easier to work on, then to work on an addiction…. I don’t know, will see as time goes by..

Last night I couldn’t fall asleep, no clue why, maybe because of lust? maybe, but finally when I did fall asleep, after an half an hour a fly bzzzzzzed in my ears, and it wake me twice, so my partner sent me this:

אמר רב, יצר הרע דומה לזבוב, ונראה לבאר, שדימו את היצר הרע לזבוב משום שבשונה משאר החיות, הזבוב חוזר שוב ושוב להטריד את האדם למרות שהוא מסלקו בכל פעם, כך יצר הרע חוזר שוב ושוב להכשיל את האדם,

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thanks to my best partner, and thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Today is Day #8, and Today only, it’s the best & easiest way to recovery, when I focus on Today only, looking backwards is like walking up the hill, it looks depressing, so much more to go up, irs hot, sweaty, tough, so many falls and slips, falling rocks, look forward is like going down a steep hill, so scary, looks impossible, so far away and so much to go, so many rocks and potholes on the way, but the Today is so short, just one step at a time, “Hayoim Kutzar” its really short, so that way is more doable, it’s a matter of a few hours, so let’s do it together…. lets not mess it up...

Yes! I do have lusty moments, hashem gave it to me for good reasons, and I’ll try to use it just for that, and ill try not to use it for something else, that’s part of my test, and I will try to get a 100 mark, if hashem sent it to me, Im positive that I can control it, and I will try with your help, I cant alone, and one day I will control my lust, and not the lust will control me..

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together

Day #9

B"H I passed Day #8 and Today is Day #9 !!!

Today is number #8, I had a clean day yesterday, at night is tough, but I’m managing,

Summer nights are tough, not easy at all, BH no problem with porn, im scratched that off from my list since im on GYE, no urge for that at all, BH… but my biggest challenges are, 1) on the street, and the jewish women are a bigger problem than none jewish, its more triggering, no clue why, and its murder, and when im in the Catskills its much worse, they are sitting outside on the grounds like at their kitchen table, it’s so triggering, the only thing which helps me, is simple, not to look around on the street, not to focus on my surroundings, and when I do see some triggering stuff, just to distract my thoughts to something else.. not an easy one.

2) The other challenge is, at night, no wife and kids around, stress free, relaxed, cool house and quiet, oh my, that’s the big monster, I have too much time to think about lust, or too much time to think not to think about lust, it’s so tough, I would love to have handy an unfiltered device, so I can cheat, but I’m on a mission now, and will fight for that mission to the end, and I won’t fall, at least I hope and pray that I won’t fall.

The problem with lust is, that there is no much time to fight off lust, as soon the lust starts popping till acting out, there is no much time of fighting it off, the minute I let in lust in my head, I know that the lust will overcome me 80%.

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thanks to my best partner, and thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Today is Day #9, and Today only, it’s the best & easiest way to recovery, when I focus on Today only, looking backwards is like walking up the hill, it looks depressing, so much more to go up, irs hot, sweaty, tough, so many falls and slips, falling rocks, look forward is like going down a steep hill, so scary, looks impossible, so far away and so much to go, so many rocks and potholes on the way, but the Today is so short, just one step at a time, “Hayoim Kutzar” its really short, so that way is more doable, it’s a matter of a few hours, so let’s do it together…. lets not mess it up...

Yes! I do have lusty moments, hashem gave it to me for good reasons, and I’ll try to use it just for that, and ill try not to use it for something else, that’s part of my test, and I will try to get a 100 mark, if hashem sent it to me, Im positive that I can control it, and I will try with your help, I cant alone, and one day I will control my lust, and not the lust will control me..

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together !