I'm so frustrated. Dunno what happened. Well, 1st off, bh I haven't been mzl. But שמירת עניים, שמירת ידיים has been just way off. It's like there's no control. If I'm not mistaken, it's called white knuckling. Such a pissoff.

I know the feeling. Try thinking something like "She'll be out of sight in 2 seconds, I can wait that long" or "What's the point in looking for the second or two she passes by? I only feel worse after." Those sometimes work for me. Not always. Depends on my mood. It's really hard for me to do the right thing in a bad mood. Do you have this problem too?

abd297 wrote on 22 Aug 2017 21:31:

Could be, but I'm pretty sure I've been in a good mood. I think I'm lusting. Maybe I feel overwhelmed and I should implement odaat. Just a little lust. I mean lost.

I hear. Keep to it. Don't forget the big picture. Sometimes the little things bog us down. A lot of times you just have to acknowledge them and move on.

abd297 wrote on 23 Aug 2017 13:59:

I actual must start to focus on odaat much more. I've spent a few hours trying to get past the filter on my phone & computer, I haven't been successful (not successful enough anyway) so thats a positive thing.

 After forever, I finally finished Charles Duhigg's book, the power of habit. It's a great read. He says we all function on habits, and if we keep turning to a specific habit it's because of a cue, which leads us to the action, which leads to the reward. He said that he would take a break during his workday, go to the cafeteria & buy (& eat) a cookie and schmooze a bit with coworkers. Along the way, he gained  some weight. After looking into it, he realized that he wasn't hungry, but that around 3:30 every afternoon, he wanted to socialize, so he replaced the cookie with going to a coworkers desk to schmooze & it worked. What I need to, figure out is what my cue is & what my reward is...

abd297 wrote on 22 Aug 2017 21:31:

i also know this feeling, and let me tell you, there is not an easy way out of it..... but after the hard work, their is reward.... and just Try thinking something like "She'll be out of sight in 2 seconds, I can wait that long" or "What's the point in looking for the second or two she passes by? I only feel worse after." dosen't work, while you are at the nisoyen it self, try thinking is not working, we have to "try thinking" the first moment the lust pops into our heads, that first millisecond thats the key..

That's what I meant. Try thinking something along those lines the second something comes into your head or into view. Maybe before. I know from personal experience that once you start even a little bit there is no chance of stopping. At least I know about myself that it's not even possible to stop at that point. That's up for discussion about it and how it pertains to other people but that's what I experience. My Rebbi has told me similar things from Mussar as well.

abd297 wrote on 23 Aug 2017 17:38:

for me, my eyes is the key....  if i watch on my eyes, should it be on the web, should it be on the street, should it be at the mailbox, you name it, then im safe, but when they start wondering, there i get stuck...... my eyes is like to diamonds, and i try to keep it polished the most i can, so it will shine forever... 

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 23 Aug 2017 20:31:

That's ok.

My mind is the key; much more than my eyes. 

I agree. For me the thoughts are usually it. The rest are just products or triggers. 

Big thank you to all of you for giving me chizuk. I've been asking Hashem for some help, to show me what to do, etc. Today, while learning פרקי אבות, I came across a statement that if one watches his eyes, the יצר הרע has no power over him. It was clutch timing.

Me learning פרקי אבות is part of me experimenting if that works as a reward instead of me watching a movie (which is almost always an issue).

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l....
a bunch of falling since yesterday, & I've been trying to block it out... No time to elaborate now

bb0212 wrote on 16 Oct 2017 21:48:

Sorry to hear that bro ;-(

hows porn and fantasizing been in recent weeks

I think I need a better filter on the laptop. Porn hasn't been good, plain fantasizing wasn't really a big problem.

bb0212 wrote on 16 Oct 2017 22:40:

If your porn isn't that good it means you have a great filter. No?

My point is - Sorry I don't know you well, but from the little we have shared on the forum, I have a hunch that the filter isn't your primary make it or break it - am I slightly on target?