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TOPIC: Bb0212's road... 24977 Views

Bb0212's road... 06 Feb 2017 14:45 #305029

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So I'm officially at 10 days. Might be more, pretty sure it's not less, I started my chart after being clean for a few days but I wasn't keeping track. I kinda gave up the long term fight, didn't see how I'd win that fight. However I finally finally finally figured out how to properly filter my phone. I was getting around every filter until a couple of weeks ago. A kosher phone made this seem possible, then I joined these forums so lots of hope here.
One of the reasons I decided to do this is to "be faithful" to whomever my next wife will be, kinda like I was clean for a year or two before my first marriage. Back then, I was only clean after giving up movies/tv. The amount "undercover" sexuality on tv/movies is mind boggling for a society where there's no such thing as sexism. I wonder why we don't see the women's lib protesting the disproportionate amount of female to male sexualizing... (I'm being slightly sarcastic). At some point I'll have to give up movies/tv again and I will. But not yet...
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 07 Feb 2017 15:56 by bb0212.

Re: Bb0212's road... 07 Feb 2017 20:42 #305164

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Wow. Pretty %¿*\y day today so far. But today, I will prevail. I will serve Hashem with the יצר הרע, as is our Father's will. Wherever the יצר takes me today, my daily number will be higher tomorrow..
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 07 Feb 2017 20:57 #305166

Yikes and I thought I have bad days...care to elaborate sometimes just letting it out helps me 
we are here for you brother just let us help
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Re: Bb0212's road... 07 Feb 2017 23:34 #305192

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MayanHamisgaber wrote on 07 Feb 2017 20:57:
Yikes and I thought I have bad days...care to elaborate sometimes just letting it out helps me 
we are here for you brother just let us help

Nothing crazy, just the down part of the ups and downs in life. When I say serve with the יצר הרע, I say so because of cute vort I saw recently from somebody else. Gotta find it.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 08 Feb 2017 08:54 #305240

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b'chol l'vav'vha with two bei'sim. One for YT and one for YH.

Also beware. I don't think one can ever truly filter one's phone. Unless you get the Nokia 6210. But still, that snake game is quite a subtle innuendo, nu?
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

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Re: Bb0212's road... 08 Feb 2017 14:27 #305271

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Singularity wrote on 08 Feb 2017 08:54:
b'chol l'vav'vha with two bei'sim. One for YT and one for YH.

Also beware. I don't think one can ever truly filter one's phone. Unless you get the Nokia 6210. But still, that snake game is quite a subtle innuendo, nu?

II like that vort, thanks!
I don't know how to get around this filter (other than hard resetting the phone & that's not an option for me.)
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 08 Feb 2017 19:10 #305308

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Even with the best filter, what happens if you come across another device?

BTW I miss that snake game.

Re: Bb0212's road... 08 Feb 2017 22:18 #305330

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Filters only work if you don't mess around with them.

If you play with something long enough it will eventually break.

Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 00:50 #305361

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Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Feb 2017 19:10:
Even with the best filter, what happens if you come across another device?

BTW I miss that snake game.

True. My unfiltered work iPad is that other device. But I made a kabbala to keep it in the work vehicle & out of my house. I don't know what more to do.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 07:48 #305378

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Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Feb 2017 19:10:
Even with the best filter, what happens if you come across another device?

BTW I miss that snake game.

I think we're all just advising not to put sobriety contingent on a filter. It's a baaaad idea.

The snake game is indicative of a failing society.

At first, the walls were solid, you had boundaries, you had to know how to work within the rules.
Then the walls transported you to the other side of the screen. You were free. You could break out.

But you'll hit your tail and mess up.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 08:02 #305383

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Singularity wrote on 09 Feb 2017 07:48:

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Feb 2017 19:10:
Even with the best filter, what happens if you come across another device?

BTW I miss that snake game.

I think we're all just advising not to put sobriety contingent on a filter. It's a baaaad idea.

The snake game is indicative of a failing society.

At first, the walls were solid, you had boundaries, you had to know how to work within the rules.
Then the walls transported you to the other side of the screen. You were free. You could break out.

But you'll hit your tail and mess up.

Perhaps you're right. My computer isn't whitelisted, so I can use Google. Even though I have k9 + it's on a timer, the timer is only mostly effective. But being active on this forum is helping as well. My biggest problem is having unfiltered internet at nighttime, at home or another quiet place. I don't remember the last time that I acted out on Shabbos, it may have been a month ago, it may have been 9 years ago. Shabbos isn't an issue for be generally - and that's when I'm not using my phone/computer, etc. So I think for me, the 1 2 punch of GYE + whitelist on phone might be enough. I will never be able to completely disconnect from porn. It's always going to exist in this world, so there's gotta be a line for me somewhere. At some point I need to have inner strength.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 08:13 #305390

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bb0212 wrote on 09 Feb 2017 08:02:

Singularity wrote on 09 Feb 2017 07:48:

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Feb 2017 19:10:
Even with the best filter, what happens if you come across another device?

BTW I miss that snake game.

I think we're all just advising not to put sobriety contingent on a filter. It's a baaaad idea.

The snake game is indicative of a failing society.

At first, the walls were solid, you had boundaries, you had to know how to work within the rules.
Then the walls transported you to the other side of the screen. You were free. You could break out.

But you'll hit your tail and mess up.

Perhaps you're right. My computer isn't whitelisted, so I can use Google. Even though I have k9 + it's on a timer, the timer is only mostly effective. But being active on this forum is helping as well. My biggest problem is having unfiltered internet at nighttime, at home or another quiet place. I don't remember the last time that I acted out on Shabbos, it may have been a month ago, it may have been 9 years ago. Shabbos isn't an issue for be generally - and that's when I'm not using my phone/computer, etc. So I think for me, the 1 2 punch of GYE + whitelist on phone might be enough. I will never be able to completely disconnect from porn. It's always going to exist in this world, so there's gotta be a line for me somewhere. At some point I need to have inner strength.

Nah I gave up on my inner strength. It always let me down! Humbug!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
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Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 08:21 #305391

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Singularity wrote on 09 Feb 2017 08:13:

bb0212 wrote on 09 Feb 2017 08:02:

Singularity wrote on 09 Feb 2017 07:48:

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Feb 2017 19:10:
Even with the best filter, what happens if you come across another device?

BTW I miss that snake game.

I think we're all just advising not to put sobriety contingent on a filter. It's a baaaad idea.

The snake game is indicative of a failing society.

At first, the walls were solid, you had boundaries, you had to know how to work within the rules.
Then the walls transported you to the other side of the screen. You were free. You could break out.

But you'll hit your tail and mess up.

Perhaps you're right. My computer isn't whitelisted, so I can use Google. Even though I have k9 + it's on a timer, the timer is only mostly effective. But being active on this forum is helping as well. My biggest problem is having unfiltered internet at nighttime, at home or another quiet place. I don't remember the last time that I acted out on Shabbos, it may have been a month ago, it may have been 9 years ago. Shabbos isn't an issue for be generally - and that's when I'm not using my phone/computer, etc. So I think for me, the 1 2 punch of GYE + whitelist on phone might be enough. I will never be able to completely disconnect from porn. It's always going to exist in this world, so there's gotta be a line for me somewhere. At some point I need to have inner strength.

Nah I gave up on my inner strength. It always let me down! Humbug!

Inner strength + preventative measures. It's a different balance for each of us, & takes time to discover the balance. I believe we're defining "inner strength" differently.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 08:40 #305393

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How do you define it?
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Bb0212's road... 09 Feb 2017 14:04 #305418

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Singularity wrote on 09 Feb 2017 08:40:
How do you define it?

We all have inner strength. The question is what it's limits are and how much we need to supplement it. Which is all an extension of that inner strength. For an addict, to say "it's ok, I just need to be stronger & everything will be fine", that's just foolish. An addicts inner strength might need to be supplemented by the 12 steps, or Dov's calls, etc. 
A non addict saying "I'm strong, I don't need a filter" is being blind to what's going on around the world. It takes inner strength to put overcome one's ego and put a filter on the internet devices.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
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