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TOPIC: My Journey... 17730 Views

Re: My Journey... 07 Mar 2017 08:44 #307631

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Markz wrote on 07 Mar 2017 05:11:

newbeginning wrote on 05 Mar 2017 16:10:
BH 66 days clean - Wondered if anyone also has bad dreams in which they fall, and have to start from day 1  (the feeling of regret and pain feels so real) and it takes me a few seconds when I awake, to realise that it was all a dream.

I can relate

I had such a craz dream 2 nights ago. 
But not all the way. 
I was opening one door after another, looking... seeking... expected to find [deleted comment so moderator doesn't have bad dreams], but came up empty 

I think it's because Thank GD - I mean it's craz!
1 1/2 years since searching for porn?? So my memory isn't that good and bad pictures are harder to retrieve, so my dreams are boring [sometimes]

Talking about dreams, last night was a real rough one A lot of stuff creeping in from SSA, absolutely disgusting stuff and ended all with a wet dream component, too. If I weren't in strong recovery, I'd have totally relapsed by now. So Thank God.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
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Re: My Journey... 07 Mar 2017 12:39 #307650

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Markz wrote on 07 Mar 2017 05:11:

newbeginning wrote on 05 Mar 2017 16:10:
BH 66 days clean - Wondered if anyone also has bad dreams in which they fall, and have to start from day 1  (the feeling of regret and pain feels so real) and it takes me a few seconds when I awake, to realise that it was all a dream.

I can relate

I had such a craz dream 2 nights ago. 
But not all the way. 
I was opening one door after another, looking... seeking... expected to find [deleted comment so moderator doesn't have bad dreams], but came up empty 

I think it's because Thank GD - I mean it's craz!
1 1/2 years since searching for porn?? So my memory isn't that good and bad pictures are harder to retrieve, so my dreams are boring [sometimes]

Sadly, at this point in this mod's life, I have bad dreams, not good ones.
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Re: My Journey... 07 Mar 2017 12:49 #307653

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cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 12:39:

Markz wrote on 07 Mar 2017 05:11:

newbeginning wrote on 05 Mar 2017 16:10:
BH 66 days clean - Wondered if anyone also has bad dreams in which they fall, and have to start from day 1  (the feeling of regret and pain feels so real) and it takes me a few seconds when I awake, to realise that it was all a dream.

I can relate

I had such a craz dream 2 nights ago. 
But not all the way. 
I was opening one door after another, looking... seeking... expected to find [deleted comment so moderator doesn't have bad dreams], but came up empty 

I think it's because Thank GD - I mean it's craz!
1 1/2 years since searching for porn?? So my memory isn't that good and bad pictures are harder to retrieve, so my dreams are boring [sometimes]

Sadly, at this point in this mod's life, I have bad dreams, not good ones.

Just remember that dreams are part of olam hafuch and entirely open to interpretation.
What you may call 'bad dreams' may be really positive moves forward for your subconscious
Remember the classic concept of death in dreams is always seen as a positive thing.
I dont know whats 'worse' than death other than excruciating pain, but its a solid example.

Re: My Journey... 07 Mar 2017 13:47 #307665

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cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 12:39:

Markz wrote on 07 Mar 2017 05:11:

newbeginning wrote on 05 Mar 2017 16:10:
BH 66 days clean - Wondered if anyone also has bad dreams in which they fall, and have to start from day 1  (the feeling of regret and pain feels so real) and it takes me a few seconds when I awake, to realise that it was all a dream.

I can relate

I had such a craz dream 2 nights ago. 
But not all the way. 
I was opening one door after another, looking... seeking... expected to find [deleted comment so moderator doesn't have bad dreams], but came up empty 

I think it's because Thank GD - I mean it's craz!
1 1/2 years since searching for porn?? So my memory isn't that good and bad pictures are harder to retrieve, so my dreams are boring [sometimes]

Sadly, at this point in this mod's life, I have bad dreams, not good ones.


I know there's some serious things you're dealing with in your life

I only wish the best for you, and Hashems kindness forever
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Re: My Journey... 07 Mar 2017 16:52 #307704

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Amen
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: My Journey... 28 Mar 2017 19:27 #309529

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BH today is 89 days clean!! I have never got this far before. The Taphsic method has been invaluable, and has really put a 50 foot electric fence between me and the sin. 

I'm facing possibly my biggest Nisayon yet.
There is a woman at work who always smiles at me, speaks to me (flirts), and dresses immodestly (relative to my 'addictive' mind).  I used to work in another hospital, and moved to this one only recently. Coincidentally I bumped into her today (she was moved to this hospital to cover someones shift) and when she found out I was moved here permanently, she genuinely seemed disappointed and voiced her disappointment too saying ' oh nooo, i'll miss you... or something along the lines of that' bearing in mind I have hardly spoken to this woman.

She even asked me to show her where this new area is in the hospital where I work, after politely declining she was saying 'show me another time', all whilst acting flirty.

I'm really worried because I don't trust myself, Yes, I try my best to guard my eyes etc... but when it comes to real life situations like that, it's completely different to online problems... I have never really dealt with this before... Any advice?? 

​I feel like I'm Joseph and she is Potiphar...

​P.s. The environment I'm often in is basement level in a hospital (I work in a pharmacy store room) so its not like its a bust office environment.
Last Edit: 28 Mar 2017 19:28 by newbeginning.

Re: My Journey... 28 Mar 2017 22:15 #309538

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What a journey!
Keep on Sharing and Keep on Growing, I think you did great. Its just the bilbul of the mind getting in the way now, because you acted right.
You will go much further.

Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 03:33 #309562

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newbeginning wrote on 28 Mar 2017 19:27:
BH today is 89 days clean!! I have never got this far before. The Taphsic method has been invaluable, and has really put a 50 foot electric fence between me and the sin. 

I'm facing possibly my biggest Nisayon yet.
There is a woman at work who always smiles at me, speaks to me (flirts), and dresses immodestly (relative to my 'addictive' mind).  I used to work in another hospital, and moved to this one only recently. Coincidentally I bumped into her today (she was moved to this hospital to cover someones shift) and when she found out I was moved here permanently, she genuinely seemed disappointed and voiced her disappointment too saying ' oh nooo, i'll miss you... or something along the lines of that' bearing in mind I have hardly spoken to this woman.

She even asked me to show her where this new area is in the hospital where I work, after politely declining she was saying 'show me another time', all whilst acting flirty.

I'm really worried because I don't trust myself, Yes, I try my best to guard my eyes etc... but when it comes to real life situations like that, it's completely different to online problems... I have never really dealt with this before... Any advice?? 

​I feel like I'm Joseph and she is Potiphar...

​P.s. The environment I'm often in is basement level in a hospital (I work in a pharmacy store room) so its not like its a bust office environment.

You're a strong guy.
Congrats on the 90 day!

I suggest keeping conversations with her down to business matters

If she wants to chat, I'd make out as it if I need to answer my phone, or make a call 

 I'm not saying this is for you, but it may help you possibly to hook up with some  members via attending your local SA group

KUTGW!!
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Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 08:45 #309571

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newbeginning wrote on 28 Mar 2017 19:27:
BH today is 89 days clean!! I have never got this far before. The Taphsic method has been invaluable, and has really put a 50 foot electric fence between me and the sin. 

I'm facing possibly my biggest Nisayon yet.
There is a woman at work who always smiles at me, speaks to me (flirts), and dresses immodestly (relative to my 'addictive' mind).  I used to work in another hospital, and moved to this one only recently. Coincidentally I bumped into her today (she was moved to this hospital to cover someones shift) and when she found out I was moved here permanently, she genuinely seemed disappointed and voiced her disappointment too saying ' oh nooo, i'll miss you... or something along the lines of that' bearing in mind I have hardly spoken to this woman.

She even asked me to show her where this new area is in the hospital where I work, after politely declining she was saying 'show me another time', all whilst acting flirty.

I'm really worried because I don't trust myself, Yes, I try my best to guard my eyes etc... but when it comes to real life situations like that, it's completely different to online problems... I have never really dealt with this before... Any advice?? 

​I feel like I'm Joseph and she is Potiphar...

​P.s. The environment I'm often in is basement level in a hospital (I work in a pharmacy store room) so its not like its a bust office environment.

If she were Potiphar then I don't think you've got a problem...

When a girl I hardly know says that stuff, "I'll ,miss you...", I flip out. I think I'm it. I'm the guy. This is it. I'm a stud. She loves me, needs me, desires me. I am her entire world. I am all-powerful, able to move mountains, able to make or break worlds. Those words, that pouty face, it imbues me with such a false sense of worth. It's scary. And I feel those words would still have a hold on me today. So I hear your challenge. May Hashem help you.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 11:16 #309581

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Newbeginning, you are inspiration for so many. You have taken a difficult challenge and worked on it in an incredible way. You have changed (at least your posts "sound" like that) Your honesty and courage are awesome. Looking back you have had an incredible journey so far - dont let 90 be the end of the road. It should be your springboard to iyh just keep on going. Obviously taphsic is a method that works well for you. Keep up the hatzlocha. May Hashem give you brocho in all the areas of your life that you wrote you are concerned with.
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Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 18:12 #309626

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Thank you so much guys for your support and advice. I really appreciate it! BH 90 DAYS CLEAN! 

From now on, I won't be actively counting. I will just live one day at a time. 

Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 18:28 #309628

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Very nice.
Harbeh Hatzlacha.
Keep us posted.

Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 18:41 #309629

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WOOT!!!!

KUTGW!!!

KOMT!!!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
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Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 18:52 #309630

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Awesome! Keep it up!
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: My Journey... 29 Mar 2017 21:48 #309636

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Mazel tov! Keep it up!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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