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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
TOPIC: TzedekChaim's journey 45804 Views
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 17 May 2017 18:34 #313458
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I don't know too much about the above, but all this talk is encouraging me to go website shopping for some magic underwear
 Warning: Spoiler! |
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i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....
if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 17 May 2017 18:44 #313460
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Thanks for the share
One point of contention: Why do you feel that you do not deserve Hashem's help? I do not think that I need to spell it out for you but if you want me to then you might get a very looooooooooooong and emotion filled poem! 
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very important thread:
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Re: TzedekChaim's journey 18 May 2017 04:03 #313493
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Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com
My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 18 May 2017 17:32 #313561
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Day 254 Baruch Hashem. Thank you Hashem!!
 MayanHamisgaber: That point of contention is valid. I agree that is probably where the lion share of my feelings are coming from. Thank you for pointing that out. HashemHelpMe: Thank you. Yes I am too hard on myself and it is not a good thing. The solution, i think, is to go easier on myself, but I have a hard time doing that without feeling like I am slacking off. Maybe its because I take myself too seriously. (which I do. some of the time) [balance is so hard to do. Yet we don't worry about balancing our bodies, they just do it automatically (read Hashem). Maybe we shouldn't worry too much about balancing our lives, just let Hashem do it for us. :) ] I have to run now to an exam, but I would like to continue this post. However, the short of it is, while I am still trying to get out of the bad feelings (I am making some definite progress on this) I think I am over the 'bad slip' that I had so that is wonderful!! Emunah and Bitachon and simcha! That's what its all about! (and no worries!!) Thank you! I know I can do this, and I know that He is with me (unconditionally).
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Re: TzedekChaim's journey 18 May 2017 19:02 #313574
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254 = נדר, wow! Was it the TaPHSiC which got you to this number?
you are doing it right, keep it up, ill be there soon.  lets dance together! |
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My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון, והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 21 May 2017 05:22 #313721
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Baruch Hashem day 257!!
Shabbos was good. I think I am back on the truck route in good order. Chasdei Hashem. Still having nagging thoughts, but I am surrendering them in a stress free way and not letting them beat me up. Makes me feel like I'm faking (i.e. maybe looking too much or not guarding as carefully) but I still surrender and need to work on my shemiras eynayim and machshava. ITs a balance, but I think right now the not beating up on myself and just letting the visiting thoughts pass on through without leaving a big wreckage in their wake. Shivisi: No no taphsic. I used that once or twice but I never found it to be really effective. Maybe if I had been more on the recovery road then it would work better as a safe guard but at the time it didn't help too much. Not to say that I didn't get a few sober weeks out of it. Hatzlacha!!!
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Re: TzedekChaim's journey 21 May 2017 18:30 #313785
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My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון, והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 21 May 2017 21:23 #313807
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Thank you Shivisi! Yes staying clean is WORTH it.
I'm just having a struggle with hirhurim and triggering sights. It makes me feel like a faker. Faker in terms of not 'really' being clean. True, I'm not acting out, and true, I am maintaining the three second rule, and true that I am not going out of my way to see things, but the thoughts keep coming, and even associating horrifying thoughts or other scary images with them doesn't keep them away. Maybe there is a part of me that really wants them and I haven't truly surrendered. (maybe this isn't the right way to look at it) Sometimes I wonder what is the level of due diligence that Hashem expects of me. I know I have a bigger issue with hirhurim and triggers than people who haven't been exposed to p**n and other related behaviors. I'm trying. I think to as best I can, but how can a person know really? The answer is that I don't have to really know. I think I am being honest with myself. And I am doing my best, so what if I mess up here or there. Hashem knows. He'll help me through it and I just have to keep it up. Especially during this time till the chasuna. Part of me is hoping that things will get a easier once I see what the tachlis of being with my wife is and once we get a little more comfortable with each other. It's not an outlet, its not a cure, but I think i should not let the building hormones and emotions of these next few weeks take over, just let them come, let them go, and know that they will settle out. (they will settle out, won't they? ...) (There is a very good likelihood I may be having the chasson shmooze several weeks before the chasuna. This is something that is making me nervous since if I am having triggering thoughts from a little conversation with my kallah [see posts a few pages back] how much more so an explicit multi hour shiur. And I will still be seeing her). I know that Hashem arranged the shmooze to be early and He will help me with it so that is good! On a positive note the stuff won't be fresh on my mind during the wedding which could be for the better. I wanted to ask my rebbe about how to handle this, but he got a new number so reaching him may not be the easiest (i emailed him so we'll see). |
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Re: TzedekChaim's journey 21 May 2017 21:47 #313808
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My Story---------Dov Quotes
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 21 May 2017 23:06 #313811
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TzedekChaim wrote on 21 May 2017 21:23:
Thank you Shivisi! Yes staying clean is WORTH it. I'm just having a struggle with hirhurim and triggering sights. It makes me feel like a faker. Faker in terms of not 'really' being clean. True, I'm not acting out, and true, I am maintaining the three second rule, and true that I am not going out of my way to see things, but the thoughts keep coming, and even associating horrifying thoughts or other scary images with them doesn't keep them away. Maybe there is a part of me that really wants them and I haven't truly surrendered. (maybe this isn't the right way to look at it) Sometimes I wonder what is the level of due diligence that Hashem expects of me. I know I have a bigger issue with hirhurim and triggers than people who haven't been exposed to p**n and other related behaviors. I'm trying. I think to as best I can, but how can a person know really? The answer is that I don't have to really know. I think I am being honest with myself. And I am doing my best, so what if I mess up here or there. Hashem knows. He'll help me through it and I just have to keep it up. Especially during this time till the chasuna. Part of me is hoping that things will get a easier once I see what the tachlis of being with my wife is and once we get a little more comfortable with each other. It's not an outlet, its not a cure, but I think i should not let the building hormones and emotions of these next few weeks take over, just let them come, let them go, and know that they will settle out. (they will settle out, won't they? ...) (There is a very good likelihood I may be having the chasson shmooze a week and a half before the wedding. This is something that is making me nervous since if I am having triggering thoughts from a little conversation with my kallah [see posts a few pages back] how much more so an explicit multi hour shiur. And I will still be seeing her for the remainder of the week). I know that Hashem arranged the shmooze to be early and He will help me with it so that is good! On a positive note the stuff won't be fresh on my mind during the wedding which could be for the better. I wanted to ask my rebbe about how to handle this, but he got a new number so reaching him may not be the easiest (i emailed him so we'll see). The best thing to fight of bed thoughts is, to start thinking right away from something else, have prepared 3 things to think about, and the split secont a bed thought comes to your mind just switch to one of your list, and dont fight it, back and forth, just start think about your prepared stuff. בדוק ומנוסה |
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My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון, והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 22 May 2017 10:43 #313841
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"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 22 May 2017 11:25 #313845
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Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com
My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 22 May 2017 14:03 #313855
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Thank you guys for tremendous Chizuk!
I want to apologize to the GYE community for the moping. It's not fair or respectful to everyone here to be mopey. Besides, the mopey mindset is not an active, positive, and improving one! (incidently I find that a tell tale sign of a fall is incessantly moping regardless of how much chizuk the community is giving or how much advice they are sharing, so that is another reason why not to mope ) So sorry about that.Hatzlacha and I know I can do it. If Hashem wants me to have the shmuz early that means he will help me overcome the challenges as they come. (not a minute before, and not a minute after) @markz: yes I was planning on listening to those shiurim but I got the impression that they were for people who are already married. If someone still recommends them at this stage I'll consider it still. Or if I feel something is missing from the live shmooze. Otherwise it will probably be a shana reshona chizuk shiur And thank You Hashem for for helping me each day and teaching me step by step how special I am. KOT!!!!!!!! |
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Re: TzedekChaim's journey 22 May 2017 23:27 #313883
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My Story---------Dov Quotes
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story |
Re: TzedekChaim's journey 23 May 2017 13:01 #313923
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Thank you Markz!
b'H another clean and sober day, trucking along. I think I handled very well despite only getting 1.5 hours of sleep the night before. I don't want to share, at this point, (maybe in a PM) who the chasson class teacher is, but I had our first meeting a some time ago, and it was very concrete and down to earth. A very big relief, since many of my conceptions about the whole process were only partially correct while others were downright not how things roll. So a big eye opener. A bit triggering, but not nearly to the point of crazyness which my Yyetzer wanted to make me believe (I wrote down notes on the shmooze and any questions in my mind for next time, so I don't have to dwell on them and can focus on other things in the mean ). The rebbe was recommended by the mesader kiddushin Rabbi Anonymous, you may have heard of him  btw I am doing the chasson classes with my shul rav, That means laws of taharas hamishpacha, and the likes, and I'm doing the chasson shmooze with a different rav who is famous for his shmoozin, and I would recommend him to anyone. I don't know how a person can get married without being properly prepared, and even though we're not finished yet, I am confident in the clarity, and completeness of the shmooze. Very happy with it (the first bit of this post and the discussion with Reb Markz is concerning the chasson shmooze)ALSO, my rebbe from israel sent me a new number to reach him.
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