Markz wrote on 21 Sep 2016 12:58:

KOT was indeed coined by bards I beleive.  I don't think he much beleived in any sort of "program of recovery".  He had some battles with dov before I joined (which is now over 5 years ago). I don't remember the exact arguements, but they were "recovery" related.  Maybe an "older" timer will chime in to set the record straight.

Thank you Markz and Gibbor120 for the info. (markz for the reality check )

IT was all a LIE. That is the feeling far from Hashem. It was just me getting a little down. Over it now and back to where I was before this slight bought of not being as happy as I should've been. I understand that there will come ups and downs and that I need to roll with it like I just did b'H and not let the down turn into a fall (Which although I felt distant from Hashem [or I should say, not as close as I had just been feeling] I don't believe that I came close to falling.)

As for the blinders. They are not there to stop lust and objectification of women. That's a separate endevour. The blinders are just for particularly challenging shmiras eynayim areas that I must venture through. b'H they worked very well for that. Not to mention as a constant reminder that I was supposed to be watching where my eyes were going. 

I would never dream of driving with blinders on lol. (I find that since one must look around when driving, for safety reasons, the car manufactures of course know that this could be a problem so they print large warning signs right above the drivers head so that he can glance up and see the warning )

I am reading the handbook and rav zelig pliskins gateway to happiness (which I have found to be a very important sefer for me in terms of gaining positive outlook on life's ups and downs as well as major help with self-esteem. (To be honest, I think that happiness/self-esteem is the main thing that I need to work on. b"H I have not viewed p**n in close to three years, but with acting out when I get down seems to be the main place that I need work, Who feels the need to act out when everything is going well. (only when it goes not how I thought it should is there an issue, which is something that I am working on very wincerly) Recovery, part of my understanding is, that it is about fixing the void/ lack of emotional development/ social immaturity (not being a person and an adult when the situation warrants)/ lack self-esteem. I understand where in these areas I need the most work and I am working on it steadily.

(When I first realized that happiness was an issue for me I had realized that I hadn't smiled {for real} in almost 8 years {from 5th grade - 18/19} some of that may be attached to the braces that I had since I didn't get exposed to p**n until a bunch of years later. It took six weeks of faking a genuine smile to even feel normal on my face. Now Smiling is one of my favorite things and really is so AMAZING. I have even gotten complimented by a few people over the past four years on what a terrific smile I have. That was the beginning and I have gained lot's of great tools both here at GYE and on my own from working on my self-esteem issue. Even though I have fallen here and there. The time between falls has gotten longer and longer. and I know that b'H I am growing. ITs a lifelong process, but I know where some of my greatest challenges are and with HIS help one day at a time I know I'll make it. But siriously, ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Hatzlacha rabba everyone and keep trucking.

Day 16!!! THANK YOU HASHEM

Day 17!! b'H. Thank you Hashem for holding my hand and guiding me through. 

If I choose not to lust after _______ I find that they have much less control over me. Something I had heard a while ago but I am realizing the truth of it on a much deeper level is: Hearing or seeing something that is inappropriate/triggering. is not an excuse to be triggered. I can dismiss the image/whatever and surrender it to Him. and that if I do lust after it I am CHOOSING to do that. I think that that is where the choice is in this whole matter. "1000 times is never enough, and just once is too much."

I finished the gye handbook, and would like to know what is the best way to imbibe the ideas? (walking the steps I think its called) should I do chazara and do one step a day (and work on it.) or maybe a step a week. Just would like to hear some of what works for other people. 

Good, SOBER, and Recovering shabbos to all of you!! 

Yeah, rabbi Peloni Almoni mentioned that - see the Mark of Torah below

See
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/245351-A-Poll---Your-Biggest-Concern
I think it can help be a guide for where our recovery of interest should lie

And a happy Shabbos to you

Thank you Markz! 

TODAY is 19!! Thank you HASHEM!!!  

This shabbos was a bit of a challenge but with Hashem's help I made it through in flying colors. There was  a chabad shabbaton for my college. I attended for friday night meal since I know that i make an important roshem on the olam there and I am involved in the community. That being said Shabbos was terrific. And very Happy! There were a lot of tests, but I didn't take a second look, and I surrendered every bad thought that crossed my mind. b"H I was able to view the women that I interacted with over shabbos as people. It was really amazing. So the shmiras eynayim was important but the surrendering of the lust was more so.

It can get a little tiring surrendering and perspective correcting every fifteen to forty minutes (sometimes longer )  Which is why the shmiras eynayim part is so critical (minimizes the exposure). I am begining to see the real effectiveness of dealing with THE issue (the core issue; lust) and that when it is in check then everything is easier. and life is SO amazing!!!! 

There were many other amazing aspects to this shabbos which I won't get into right now, but I think that it went very well and I thank Him for helping me. One day at a time. Each day, Only that day, and for TODAY. Each day is no different than the last. I don't deserve it but Hashem is my father and He is the only one who CAN help me. So thank you TATTE!!

Hatzlacha!

All the gorygeous aspects of lust happen often in scenarios of low esteem, anxiety etc, so keep the smiles coming

If you miss a smile in any of your posts you will be taken to task by the "Simcha Task Force"

KEEP ON TRUCKING
ONE sMILE AT A TIME

oooh. I better watch out for them

DAY 20!!! Thank you Hashem!! Please help me for TODAY!

I was thinking about how life is like a movie. (well, God's filming it at any rate) So why not smile. That way your picture comes out nice. Imagine having to look through an album of photos where everyone is sad and upset. So SMILE Life is wonderful.

A powerful idea that I just read in Gateway to Happiness is: The only thing that makes a person happy/upset is their thoughts. For example, if someone broke a fancy picture in your house. Most people would be upset. Why? not because the broken picture did anything to you. It is how you perceive the breaking of YOUR picture. You can choose to react in one of three ways to FACTS that happen. 

1) think that the fact is a terrible thing and become upset
2) think that the fact is inconsequential and be unaffected by it
3) think that the fact is a good thing and become happy!!

"when someone says that they have a hard time controlling their emotions it means they have a hard time controlling their thoughts" (eyin shum for more great stuff).

Women don't make us lust. They are just facts. we choose how to react to them. And if we are having a hard time it is because we have not learned to control our thoughts. with His help may we be zoche to achieve new heights in this area.



Thank you Markz!!!

Today is day 30 b"H!!!

Rosh Hashana was very good. A Little different than usual. I was thinking about some of the comments people made on the forum about how to deal with the yomim neorayim. I had a lot of sober interactions with women over the yom tov. I noticed a few things in general about this struggle that I wanted to hear the oilam's thoughts on:

1) That when I look at women I notice certain features of them. Even not in a lust fashion. In the same way that when I look at a man I notice his shirt and other body details. There is programming though when it comes to women that some detail is noticed more than others. I kept berating myself (I think too much) for noticing. It's not like when I look at a man I see them and then there is a magical blank spot in their chest. One lesson I took away was to understand that there is a natural element to it. However, it MUST be without lust and without lingering, and with proper shmiras eynayim. I am not advocating looking at women, but if you see them as people for an individual interaction (saying hello, opening a door, being polite, etc...) that it might be counter productive if the natural noticings were taken as failings on our part. (and therby lead to depression). 

2) that I had very people interactions with women over the yom tov. (mostly family). IT was amazing being a little 'normal'. I think that for an addict there is a distinction between seeing and lusting. (i've mentioned it before I think) IF one is watching where they are looking and happens to see. catches themselves and doesn't lust (by surrendering the person, praying for them, moving onto something else, whatever works for you) I think that that is a success and not a slip. It might just be semantics but I think that it may be a more productive way to view the incident. 

3) also I have been having thoughts of just wanting to be "normal" I am not sure what that even means. I guess it is another cop out to this whole challenge. What is normal anyway? Men have natural urges and are required to curb them. I am more sensitive to this issue because of being exposed to some damaging content so I must be more careful. On the other hand, I have the advantage that I know that this is a real problem and b'H will be able to have a strong marriage etc because of my work on this. Sometimes being exposed to something dangerous (not saying that one should do it lichatcheela, just that use it as an opportunity to grow and a motivator for growth because I/we have a greater realization of the harm that this can lead to) can make us better off in the end. 
          Better off because we will have fixed (with HIS help) the deeper underlying issues in our character that we have only become aware of because of our problem. It's not easy to fix a character/emotional/psychological flaw but it is very powerful if we can. 

These are some thoughts I have been mulling over. Haven't made up my mind 100% about them, but I would like to hear your take on them if you would be so kind as to share. '

As always, Keep trucking

HE loves YOU!!

Each and EVERY DAY!!! ODAT!!

Hatzlacha!

Today is 31 b"H !!!

I think that there has been a shift in the battleground a bit. It's more in my head the battle than below the belt. This is a good sign. I believe It means that I am not lusting. That is of course contingent on NOT lusting . Meaning that I continue to surrender and dismiss things that I see from my mind.

For example, the yesterday I traveled on the subway and when I got out there was a woman dressed in a very provocative manner. I saw, recognized and averted like the three second rule and surrendered the image to HIM. I have noticed that although I surrender the thoughts sincerely sometimes they still pop up again later (either in the day or a couple of days) I try to not think about it, but it is still very challenging. 

The goal is to stay positive ( SMILE  ) , realize that I am still clean B'H!, and move on. From past experience I know that the thought fades away slowly. It may never go away completely like (some horror movies that I have seen) but I don't need to think about it.

Thank you all for being there and listening to me, and I wish everyone a gmar chasima tova!!

Today is 33! BARUCH HASHEM!!!

A thought: THE PARTY POOPER....

Imagine being at a great party; you are feeling really swell. The food is amazing, the music is really moving, and the company is dear. You are really into it, and feel your soul soaring. This amazing feeling is wonderful.

...Then out of the corner of your ear you hear a small whiny voice say, "sure it's okay. Nothings wrong per say... but It could be so much better. He turns to you and says in your ear, "You can't possibly be enjoying yourself, I mean look at the rugs, and the trim on the tables, who could've picked out those colors. and look at the food, did you notice they are missing your favorite dish. I mean the host, your best friend, how could he forget that. and don't even get me started on......"

Suddenly the party that was so amazing is starting to crumble. the people dancing are off kilter, you begin to wonder if you should've come at all...

To me that is the yetzer harah. Just when you are in a very uplifting moment, that is when he pokes his head in an brings up images of shmutz, or negative depressing thoughts, etc...

If we have a little wisdom we can see that he is just a PARTY POOPER. and not let him RUIN our wonderful life  

Don't throw out your life because of a few small warts  

Gemar Chasima Tova GYE!!!

Today is 34 b"H Thank you Hashem!!

Just to add to the previous thought

Sometimes the warts (=imperfections/mistakes) make something worth more. (not an excuse to make those mistakes, but it does shed some light on the complex and deep layers of character growth that can be achieved through recovery) 

May we be zoche to take the inspiration of the aseres yimay teshuva with us through the year ONE DAY AT A TIME!! 

Today is 37!!

I haven't gotten a lot of discussion on this thread. Seems to have quieted down a bit. 

I have been posting a lot of thoughts/lectures I am not trying to teach or sermonize. These are just different ideas that have come across my mind in being involved in recovery. I am just sharing. feel free to take it or leave it. (or disagree, would love to chat about it)

Anyway, been having some challenges but have b'H not lusted. though, not lusting is not the complete fix. need to keep up the work on shmiras eynayim and personal growth. rereading the gye handbook again now. (really good stuff if there is anyone out there who hasn't yet read it.)

There are ups and downs and losing of sight, but sobriety is really amazing!

have a good one all!!! and keep trucking!!

Wow!! 43 already!! Thank you Hashem! One day at a time!

The challenge is on. But b"H I have been doing well. it's a struggle, but I feel that I am definitely growing. Thank you GYE for giving me a fighting chance. Sukkos has been amazing. (I have been sick since Rosh Hashana with some kindof a bronchitis. Still getting over it, but I feel like It was a test to see if I could maintain my positivity throughout ) Got lot's of exams now and stuff but b"H been very sober. (almost normal when visiting family/friends for the yom tov meals). 

Onward and keep trucking!!

Moed Tov everyone!

A good one to you, and hope you feel better soon

b'H that is day 52 !!

I have a lot that I want to talk about. been having some tough days, but b'H have gotten through them sober Thank GOD! 

Thank you markz. I am getting better slowly, just went to see a doc today. and he gave me something for it so that should clear up a bit faster.

Hashem has really been cranking up the pressure in terms of school work, being so far behind because of yom tov, and having lot's of exams and papers due. (all in addition to being sick) Today, it was raining and I did not have any rain gear. (yay!) Anyhoo, as the day went on at about 10 o'clock I just started laughing at how rediculus it was getting (who doesn't have time to see a doctor to get better?) and I realized that maybe He wants me to realize that my life is not in my control. So I surrendered to Him and said, "Hashem, It seems to me that you are testing me in this way, to see if I'll cave from the pressure and fall back in, and to see if I can accept that you control every aspect of my life even* outside of my addiction." 

that's it. it wasn't magic, instant, or anything. But from there is slowly started resolving one issue at a time. I still have a lot on my plate but it is so much more manageable now than it was just a couple of hours ago. Funny how that is.
    For example, I met with a lot of other jewish students during a chabad event on campus and realized that I am not the only one who is behind and that we are in this together (taking off yom tov to do what Hashem wants). There was a girl there having a nervous breakdown towards the end that she had just had a very challenging  midterm exam. I felt really bad for her and realized that It could be so much worse the situation that I am in in terms of workload.
    Another example, an exam that I took over chol hamoed that was really tough (lot's of mental gymnastics) and the average was 9.7/33. I had thought I had gotten a 10 on it which is not great to say the least. but today I looked at the numbers again and realized that I actually got a 14.5 which is pretty good. (the high score was a 22 in case anyone was wondering so 14.5 is pretty good on the curve). Wow. I can't believe that I didn't see those numbers before correctly. Well, you can imagine that that took a bit of the pressure off for that class realizing that I wasn't as far behind as I thought. thank God!

Well that is that. I learned an important lesson and will b'H tomorrow keep at it. One day at a time!

Keep on the trucking!!


*I know, crazy thought...