In some "Kreisen" they have a rule that Bochrim are not allowed to go into the Badeken, only married guys.

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote:


I've done both, and it really depends on your situation at the time.

When I've been doing badly, of course I went in- it's a party! But seriously, when I was doing well and felt that I can go in I did and it was ok. When I felt too locked up and was feeling like the same feeling you described with the filter- that I'm creating a Yetzer Hara, I also went in. And there is a logic to that- I believe that R Dessler says that sexuality is like a spring- the more you push, the more it pushes back.

But both of those feelings I described are, at least for me, less ideal for a very simple reason. If I am being a Ben Torah (as your name says and as I sometimes aspire to) it is not "farfrumt" not to go in to a room full of ladies dressed to the nines. It's a simple Shmiras Einayim issue- if you don't need to be there why go? When I'm holding and feeling more like the Ben Torah that I'm supposed to be, I don't go in bc no one that I look up to as a Talmid Chacham would go in for no reason. When I've been at weddings with the true Bnei Torah that I'm friends with, they don't even go close. And they're wonderful people who aren't fanatics.

So I'd say that it's situational, but there's nothing wrong with aspiring to not need to go in and also not feeling locked up or fanatical about it. (Although the shmorg is MUCH better at the men's section, and if you're already working on you taavas nashim at the wedding, can we at least get some good sesame chicken, carving station, sushi, and some spare ribs?!!

I usually don't go in to the bedeken. It's usually fairly easy to do it without looking "farfrumt." I usually just catch someone who's not interested in getting stomped on and shmooze with him on the men's side.
Workingguy wrote:

I need to go to the weddings that you go to...

If it's legitimately triggering for you then I don't believe that it's too extreme. I am friends with a decent amount of guys from a yeshivish background and they don't dance with him once the ladies are gathered around.

Once the women push too close into the men's circle I stop dancin'.....I back off and simply gaze at the women.

Bigmoish wrote:


Mistake! Meant to write at the women's- we're at the same weddings. Seriously, when I'm after the spare ribs sometimes I don't even notice the women. Not sure if that's a good thing.

Workingguy wrote:
So next time I end up lagging behind with someone by the bedeken, I'll know it's you.

Bigmoish wrote:


Look for the guy who came early to fill up his plate from the main room and THEN is hanging back. Wishful thinking; that was the single days. Now not usually on time enough to go into the main room before it's mobbed. But yes, we'll hang out at the choson's tish. Save me some sponge cake!

The women's section is where all the action is. Even by my brothers weddings I was barely by the chosson tish. (Agav, why do they serve hot dogs by the chosson tish)? Same thing by kiddushes. I like salad and women don't eat anything so that equals a very happy me

Workingguy wrote:

The first women was made from a spare rib...

stillgoing wrote:


That's a good line.

All of mine were censored.

cordnoy wrote:


Aren't you a moderator? Can't you just slip you lines in!

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:
אתה משוגע?
רצונך שנגוגל את זה?

Workingguy wrote:


Yes
I can
Wise mind censors the addict part.