unanumun wrote:


"escpecially since i know i am right"
That was the SID inside you talking

Ever since Our Great Great Great Grandmother had her encounter with the nacash, and he was "matil zuhamoso Bah" the yetzer harah has become mixed in with us.
Chazal say that there are two kidneys, one gives the good advice and one gives the bad advice.

I also never really translated that to a practical level until I showed up on GYE. Back when I started, apparently there was more talk about this point than there is nowadays.
Realizing that when the "yetzer hara" is trying to influence me, it is really a part of my own self pushing myself towards that direction, was a big step in my recovery. (I am not sure why, I just know it was)

I came to be more aware of myself. When the "Yetzer Hara" was pushing me to do something I tried to understand what it is about myself that wants to push myself there. I got to understand the underlying issues that were the maind fodder for my yetzer hara. I realized that I was disturbed by things, that I was sad or even depressed by things, or under pressure, and that was why the yetzer hara was pushing me to escape to porn and acting out. I then finally understood that it was me that was pushing myself to do these things, and that is how the yetzer hara which is in me, and a part of me, was working.

I have since seen that is true with every issue that i blamed on the yetzer hara. I realized that indeed I am being lazy, I am itching to tell that juicy piece of loshon hara. And that voice to do it is coming from within.
Again, I am not exactly sure why that made it easier to deal with the yetzer hara, but nonetheless it did.

markz wrote:


There are instances where the y"h is from the outside, but that is more general in nature. What many of us experience is the y"h in us, and as una stated so eloquently, he is us.

I know by me that this yesod was an integral part of recovery.....for many reasons.

B'hatzlachah

18 done. 72 to go.
I don't want to get lost on the side route of whether the yetzer is me. Of course it's me. Sid is my animalistic side which is obviously a part of me.
Just like "Me" is me. My higher part.
Growth will come to listening to Me and not to Sid. Naming him Sid is crucial to identifying his voice. Isolating him is crucial to minimising his power.
Perhaps I could fix Sid and work out my deeper issues in this area. The truth is that definitely on some level there aren't deeper issues, Sid just craves the fastest route to maximum pleasure. This is one route he hs got used to. And shutting him out and not indulging him is good. Because the less u grant his requests the less hungry he gets.
Perhaps I can use him. Use his desire for self importance to attach self importance to this pursuit and use his ego to drive me on.
Either way it's taken me this long to realise that Talmud torch prevents a respite for sid. When I learn he seems to be elsewhere. Strange. Great. A blessing. Still.
Onwards and upwards I'll continue to ignore Sids request and act in the way I know to be right.

what is sid?

If there are no underlying issues, and it is just a tayva issue, perhaps spending a quarter of an hour a day contemplating tayva vs. nitzchiyus issues (a.k.a. mussar) might be a big help.
(Despite the risk of getting too involved in the torah approach, I would also recommend going through aley shur chelek rishon, third section. He gives alot of understanding in how all the different pulls and yetzers and middos all come together to influence our actions.)

yehoshua wrote:


19 done 71 to go.

Sid is my yestzers pet name.

I will hopefully delve deeper into muss at sfarim to understand myself better. And utilise my kochos. Still, one of the things I think is important is that we know what to do, and perhaps don't even need to go too deep into it. We just need to do it.

Ignore sid. Simple.

Have to say I am happy to have done so thus far. With the help of Hashem of course.

ysftw wrote:


Great to hear.

How was Hashem helpin'?

test 613

614

20 down. 70 to go.

I'm feeling slightly confident on this which is a bad sign. Everyday must be a fight. Waking up raring to go.

How has Hashem helped, because I've tried my upmost, well close to that, maybe 80%, who knows, to ignore Sid. And Hashem has made sure that until now I have not been overpowered.

I am grateful to say the least.

The struggle continues...

Why does every day have to be a fight? I'd prefer NOT to have to fight

Lizhensk wrote:
This conflicts with your signature
"Life is Like a Bicycle: If its easy, you're going downhill"

markz wrote:


Good question, but lemme answer please.
Liz...you can be honest and lemme know if you approve or not.

His signature is referrin' to one's work ethic in recovery....if your mehalech is lackadaisical, then you are traveling backwards. If you are puttin' in an effort, then you are movin' in the right direction.

Regardin' lust, however, it shouldn't be a fight....we surrender and let God. To get to that point is not easy, for we work a program, but when the desire hits, we surrender....We don't engage in battle.

Thank you for the question and givin' me the opportunity to explain that; t'was beneficial for me.

cordnoy wrote:
That was simple but great.

In other words
"Life is Like a Bicycle: but we don't recommend rock climbing with a bike"