Everytime we see the problem being 'out there' we're one step away further from realizing that the problem is somewhere inside of me.

thank you yesod you have put something that i have always felt into a clear line
talking about filters i feel that we should defiantly have them to keep us away from falling but they only really help with healing otherwise like everyone said above you will just find a way around them.

polar bear wrote:

So you are saying that until now the problem was you wanted to watch porn and now you plan on changing your will to not wanting to watch porn?

polar bear wrote:


Sorry to bring up this topic from a few pages ago but I have been meaning to comment for a while, I just haven't had a chance until now.

I definitely can relate to the two issues and their connection. I managed to stay off porn for about year and a half until I was finally managing to daven with a minyan on a regular basis. (I haven't missed a minyan now in almost five months.- for the first time in many many years)

From my experience the connection was not necessarily that one caused the other or made the other easier. Rather they were both symptoms of the same problem. The porn and masturbation was the escape from my problems (the answer to my problems as they say) and the not making it to davening was a result of my issues.
I was not feeling whole, and had alot of emotional baggage. It was a tremendous effort to make it to shul. I would have to meet people and socialize which I wasn't in an emotional state to do. (even when I would make it to shul it would be to a shul out of my immediate neighborhood where no one knew me)
The same lack of ability to deal with what was going on in my life, is what led me to escape to porn and masturbation.

The first realization of the concept of escapism was learned on GYE. Until then I never realized that was the pattern.
I eventually put alot of work into taking control of my life and fixing issue after issue. Stopping porn was just the beginning. The more I worked on myself, I became more aware of deeper and deeper issues that I had to deal with. After dealing with them one at a time, I eventually came to a point where starting a davening streak was a possibility. I had the support and cheering of a close group of gye friends. the streak slowly turned into a new way of life and I have now moved on to work on other issues in my path to wholeness..

So yes Polar Bear, both issues might be pointing at the same thing for you. there might be something in your life that has to be dealt with. Something deeper than wathching porn and missing minyan.
when you daven with a minyan it might be that those days you are in a better position to deal with your life and that allows you to both make it to minyan and also not need to escape from what is going on in your life.

hatzlacha- and to those that don't have an issue with making minyan, count your blessings,

Great observation. Thank you !

unanumun wrote:

I feel like i might have similar issues but only time will tell. i have improved in my davening a lot but still a lot of work to do.

Hello, and thank you all for sharing.

A few days ago I was watching something and I got a little trigger (this was from the 'clean' stuff).

Today I didn't go to minyan. I wasted a lot of time watching stuff (this time not so triggering but still a big waste of time).

Right now I am going through a bit of a lust attack. It is very trying in that for previous streaks I have fallen into the 'almost falling' zone without falling in the end, and I've decided this time to stay away from the 'almost falling' zone altogether.

I am going to stay around gye for a while until this wave hopefully passes. If anyone would like to chat, it would probably help.

Thank you.

polar bear wrote:


When you say chat, do you mean the "annoyin'" thin' on the bottom, or do you actually wanna talk?

Hello PB,

Seems like others beat me to it but in case you're still looking

Im available if you'd like to talk it "out"

Yesod

Shoot me a pm and I'll send you my number

Polar Bear - Are you in hibernation / deep slumber?

I heard you're having a hard time breaking a hole in the ice because it's so darn thick in this sub zero weather

markz wrote on 14 Feb 2016 14:44:


Agreed. What's going on PB? We're up to winter again, you can come out of hiding. :-)

Polar bear, you are stilll here, your last reply was in January, there are many fish on GYE to eat, you don't have to out on the road to catch them. 
I hope you found someone to chat in the meantime 

stillgoing wrote on 05 Jan 2017 02:35:

And again...

Yoo hoo

stillgoing wrote on 29 Oct 2018 16:18:

It's about time I come out of hibernation too. I don't want to have Markz need to post another wake up call on my thread in a year from now.