Hello folks,

I've been gone for a while - many ups and downs... but that's in the past.
I've gained some experience both in the real world and on GYE, also, I have discovered more about myself and why I am in the situation I am currently in. and now I'm coming back better and stronger!

First off - I will attempt to keep you good people updated daily - unless I am not online - which I intend not to be.

Welcome back; t'was gettin lonely here in Anchorage.

Thanks

This is not day one - since I have already fallen today unfortunately. Tomorrow will be counted as day one.

I watched some stuff online - this doesn't usually happen, as "stuff" is not really my main problem. But it unfortunately is one of my triggers.

While I was watching stuff, I was fighting myself and trying to figure out what would turn me off, the first thought that popped into my head was GYE's "turn off" button.

Now I'm here - I've made a sudden decision to stay clean and I'm not fully prepared for it - but I can't wait for it to come to me. I must reach out.

My problem - used to act out weekly in a inappropriate fashion.

Last time I was here, I did very well - I was clean for quite a while.

Three weeks into my streak, I started crossing the "almost falling" zone but I kept clean for another few months.

Then - due to a personal tragedy - I was lingering in the "almost" zone with my guard down, and I fell.

I was embarrassed after reaching such a high streak, I was too embarrassed to show my face - anywhere. Even here.

But now I have reached my rock bottom, and from here I would like to rise back up. I've done it with GYE previously and I will now do it again. Hopefully.

Thank you for listening.

The fact that that ur back means you haven't given up so fast... U sound like someone whose got plenty of fight left, but that u just need a little pump... We're rooting for u so stand tall and keep posting:)

polar bear wrote:
markz wrote:

welcome! i have found that no matter how ashamed i was it was all in my head and the chevra here accepted me graciously. have a good shabbos!

Day 9: Ha ha, so much for coming back every day. In my defense, I was too busy to do much damage. I'm happy I'm still on board. Here's a bit a knowledge about myself I'll bet you didn't want to know (if it looks like stuff is missing at this point, assume the moderators deleted it...) One of my weaknesses takes place when I am in the bathroom. So I tend to try taking my showers in the Mikvah.

This bit of spooky information comes with a funny story.

Mrs. Polar Bear was curious to know why I can't shower in the house - so I told her that I may or my not be falling when taking a shower in the house.

So a while back, I was tired and decided to take a shower in the igloo as a one time thing. Mrs. Polar Bear screamed at me to get out of the shower because if I fall, our lack of success will be on my shoulders. (Fall as in acting out - not literally fall on the floor). She bugged me until I came out and assured her that everything went ok (Believe me, no one could fall in such a situation). But she was not satisfied with my word alone. So we made a deal that if I fall, I will have to do a specific difficult errand around the igloo that she usually does (Going ice fishing, for the sake of this post). So now I really don't want to do that, but when I told her that I didn't fall since, well, she was not satisfied with my word alone.

So I may still end up going ice-fishing anyway.

The zoo has just captured you!
You are to post one 'bear'able comment on the having fun forum DAILY if you want sealions for dinner

Else you will be served salmon gefilte fish - with bones - yuch

polar bear wrote:


lol. that was really cute. are there any cute polar bearlings around the house? (i don't actually care but little polar bears sound really cute to me).
on a more serious note i think mrs. polar bear has a little bit of trauma going on inside her.

or maybe it was this

stillgoing has just killed the cuteness of polar bears. i saw some really cute baby polar bear pictures but i wasn't able to upload it.

Hello, thank you for cute - and not so cute pictures (The one on the left is actually an old friend of mine:) ). If I had time, I would load it into my profile picture. Maybe another time.

Day 28. My daily thing is really not working - but my streak is.

I have come to a few situations where I have almost fell, but then didn't. I think I have become stronger since my last 90 days, and that the challenge really is easier... Also, I feel like I'm in '90 day chart' mode, and that stops me from falling completely.

On the one hand, not posting here daily may be a good thing for me - since I lose track of what day I am on and then come back to find out that wow so much time has passed.

On the other hand, staying away for long may lead me to fall during a weak moment.

By the way, Mrs. Polar Bear ended up going ice fishing for me.

so mr. polar bear, i have a question for you: are we polar bears here to get our life together or here to go streaking?

this is just for good measure


HE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!