Hello everyone! Stopping by again to say I'm still clean (Thank God!), and while I still don't really have time to write a real post, I'll try to steal away some time to write something at least somewhat substantial.
Shlomo24 wrote:
mazel tov! how did you do it?
yehoshua wrote:
Same here, i wonder how u do it.
If only I knew...
I mentioned earlier that I had 2 things 'different' in my life, that might have been 'crutches' for my abstinence. One was being extremely busy. While I'm still hard at work, I've had a lot more free time recently, and since I'm still sober, I'm happy to say that wasn't the reason for my sobriety. Regarding the other reason, being in a relationship, that is still ongoing so I don't know if that's being used as a crutch for my sobriety. And as per eny's question:
eny wrote:
What if your success is based partly on outside factors?
Aren't they just part of the Divine assistance you're asking Him for?
In many ways, yes. If I manage to have outside factors 'prevent' me from acting out for the rest of my life, I will be a happy man. And of course, I will keep trying to put as many (ironic) 'stumbling blocks' between myself and a tempting situation, as I don't want to reach within miles of a difficult situation. However, throughout life it's very likely that I will reach situations where there's nothing 'in my way' to prevent me from acting out. I hope that in my recovery I'll have gained the tools to avoid acting out in those situations as well (and realize that there are always things to 'get in the way' of acting out, such as living a complete life and not being destroyed by this addiction. The key is to realize that, even when it's harder to do so).
But to get back to the earlier question: first and foremost, I've made it harder to access triggering materials. I filtered my devices, and blacklisted a certain 'borderline' website that I realize I was using to try to 'taste' lust. And yes, I know all the arguments about "the filter needs to be in your brain", "if you're desperate, you'll overcome any filter you set up", etc. But just because an accomplished thief can pick a lock, doesn't mean I'll leave my door wide open.
I've also been using the "surrender the lust to God" technique (or at least, how I understand that technique). Whenever I get hit by a lust attack, I take a deep breath, realize that stumbling will ruin my life (sometimes this takes some deep and sincere realization, as it's very easy to convince myself that 'acting out once' won't be such a big issue), and ignore the feeling/pray to God to help me overcome the feeling/distract myself with something else (those are essentially how I understand "surrendering to lust").
This is different than the 'white knuckle approach' that I used to do (to no avail). In the past, when a tempting thought would enter my mind, I would internally 'scream' at it to go away and try to 'fight it off'. I remember reading a parable somewhere on these boards that this is similar to wrestling with someone in the mud. Even if you beat him, you still get dirty. And whether or not the analogy is accurate, it resonated with me, and I'm finding a bit more success with the 'new' method instead of the 'older' one.
Thank you all for sticking around and reading what I feel is probably a very disorganized and stream-of-conscience-y post.And thanks again to everyone here. The fact that there's this forum is a great source of chizuk for me.