abe2710 wrote:


Thank you Abe, and trust me, you (and everyone else here) are also an amazing source of Chizuk for me.

Once again, still too busy to really write anything substantial, just checking in to say hello. One of these days, I will get around to posting a real post (sort of like what I promised several months ago here).

Have a Happy and Clean Channukah to everybody!

Hello everyone! Stopping by again to say I'm still clean (Thank God!), and while I still don't really have time to write a real post, I'll try to steal away some time to write something at least somewhat substantial.

Shlomo24 wrote:


yehoshua wrote:


If only I knew...

I mentioned earlier that I had 2 things 'different' in my life, that might have been 'crutches' for my abstinence. One was being extremely busy. While I'm still hard at work, I've had a lot more free time recently, and since I'm still sober, I'm happy to say that wasn't the reason for my sobriety. Regarding the other reason, being in a relationship, that is still ongoing so I don't know if that's being used as a crutch for my sobriety. And as per eny's question:

eny wrote:


In many ways, yes. If I manage to have outside factors 'prevent' me from acting out for the rest of my life, I will be a happy man. And of course, I will keep trying to put as many (ironic) 'stumbling blocks' between myself and a tempting situation, as I don't want to reach within miles of a difficult situation. However, throughout life it's very likely that I will reach situations where there's nothing 'in my way' to prevent me from acting out. I hope that in my recovery I'll have gained the tools to avoid acting out in those situations as well (and realize that there are always things to 'get in the way' of acting out, such as living a complete life and not being destroyed by this addiction. The key is to realize that, even when it's harder to do so).

But to get back to the earlier question: first and foremost, I've made it harder to access triggering materials. I filtered my devices, and blacklisted a certain 'borderline' website that I realize I was using to try to 'taste' lust. And yes, I know all the arguments about "the filter needs to be in your brain", "if you're desperate, you'll overcome any filter you set up", etc. But just because an accomplished thief can pick a lock, doesn't mean I'll leave my door wide open.

I've also been using the "surrender the lust to God" technique (or at least, how I understand that technique). Whenever I get hit by a lust attack, I take a deep breath, realize that stumbling will ruin my life (sometimes this takes some deep and sincere realization, as it's very easy to convince myself that 'acting out once' won't be such a big issue), and ignore the feeling/pray to God to help me overcome the feeling/distract myself with something else (those are essentially how I understand "surrendering to lust").

This is different than the 'white knuckle approach' that I used to do (to no avail). In the past, when a tempting thought would enter my mind, I would internally 'scream' at it to go away and try to 'fight it off'. I remember reading a parable somewhere on these boards that this is similar to wrestling with someone in the mud. Even if you beat him, you still get dirty. And whether or not the analogy is accurate, it resonated with me, and I'm finding a bit more success with the 'new' method instead of the 'older' one.

Thank you all for sticking around and reading what I feel is probably a very disorganized and stream-of-conscience-y post.And thanks again to everyone here. The fact that there's this forum is a great source of chizuk for me.

m58 phew! i was getting worried about your silence i am relived t know that things are going well keep it up!

Wow! really amazing. i related to a lot that you wrote. KUTGW!

HELP!!!!!!

The past couple days have been particularly bad. While I don't know what the 'technical definition' of what I've been doing is (I haven't watched any actual pornography or masturbated), I've been reading several 'innocent' story links and hungrily viewing the pictures there.Regardless, I don't care about that. What I do care about is that, if I don't do SOMETHING now, I almost undoubtedly WILL fall in the future, and I can't let that happen!

I need to come up with some sort of plan...

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!

My friend!!!

Need a hitch?
Checkout Truck Towing - #7 About To Fall?

Hatzlacha

You already did something, you posted here!

Daven.

Share.

Surrender.

Keep Busy.

(see your long post above for details )

KOMT!!!

i just said a little tefilla for you! hatzlocha

I hate myself.

I wasn't enjoying watching. I wasn't enjoying acting out. Yet I couldn't stop myself. I was crying while acting out, and still followed through with it.

In some ways, I'm almost relieved that I acted out. It was almost too difficult to manage without having acted out for so long; now that I've acted out, I can start again and go another X amount of days without worrying about it (that is, until the next time lust rears its' ugly head).

I know that's stupid and just plain wrong, but I don't know what else to do...

We definitely need to pick ourselves up and get back on the train, but for today, what step forward can we take?

Our thoughts are with you.

B'hatzlachah

I know the feeling, and yes - it's awful. But if only you act out with less frequency than the past that's an accomplishment.
Also, it's too long for me to post right now, but take a look at Nesivos Shalom in Parshas Balak on "Lo hibit aven b'Yaakov" where he offers tremendous chizuk for one who does an aveira while crying about it as you describe.
Don't give up. I wish you continued Hatzlacha!

wow. i understand where your pain is coming from. i really relate to that feeling. i have been told many times that the yeush afterwards is worse than the maysah itself. remember that you are a son of god and that he loves you more then you can possibly imagine.

The fact that you were able to post your fall so soon shows a huge amount of gevura in you! while reading through your forum I realized that your very focused on keeping yourself occupied to the degree that you have no time to post i don't think that your totally right even if occupying yourself is important but let's not forget we have an illness and the medicine is gye the 12 steps forums etc. if you keep yourself occupied its a temporary relief but the problem is still there keep on posting good luck

Didn't hear from you in a few day how's your struggle coming along??

my friend m58 your doing amazing you went for a very long time without falling that itself is huge step in the direction of recovery. looking forward to hearing from you