No "Keep On Tanking" see my avatar. 

just kidding. Everyone is trucking along very nicely here. No one slipped in the last 2 months. We have a new term it's called "act out". Everyone is taking full responsibility for their actions. So it's not called a "fall" any longer. I'm representing everyone - right? This is a socialist forum

what does 7 days represent? It's the same as you commuted in Jul 2015 a month before I arrived on the scene. It didn't help me. You need to break 90 days somehow and then will be clearer what your engine really needs

Bh still going strong.
No not everything is glowing right now in life....
but I truly fell that I got a new lease on life..

I know its not healthy to think of it in that way, However, one day I'm going to look back on all those years of darkness and I wont be able to forgive myself. Ill be filled with guilt and shame. oh how all those day of darkness, cant turn back the clock. all those days with the silent cry, a cry with no voice no tears, perhaps with no emotions, but a deep saddening cry nonetheless.

As i said, I know its not the best thing right now to look back, but now that Im clean for just 3 days im starting to have this vision of the past.

The only think i could say right now, this time around Im going to do anything it takes to stay put, and focus on my clean journey.

Off we go, to the 90 days challenge.

correction "I truly FEEL (not fell) that I got a new lease on life."

How one letter can change everything. sadly funny!

im not alone wrote on 25 Jan 2018 18:46:

How about "one day I'm going to look back on all those years of darkness and realize that without them I would not have been able to become the better person and reach the heights that I am at now, and I will be filled with gratitude that I had these experiences that gave me the impetus to grow".

Howbout not lookin' back at all?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Jan 2018 19:37:

Gevurah, 
Yeah, You might be right. and I would love to have that perspective. Just at times I find myself saying to hasem "please i dont need the rewards of this challenge, and I dont need the struggle"
Might be wrong to think in that way.. but given how I feel and how I am when I'm able to stay clean... this feeling and pureness is so great..
to the contrary, I'm (like) in prison when Im hooked up to all sorts of shmuts. I'm not even in control of my own actions.. its literally like someone is dictating me of what I should do and how I should do....

as to not lookin back at all. well thats quite difficult. Do you understand the severity of my self inflicting wounds are?  its so deep and ingrained, it became part of my (secret) identity.
its just hard, not to think about it.

Now to the good news... Im still trucking along yeahhhh. another purely clean day.
I'm actually screaming of joy, yet again no voice

im not alone wrote on 26 Jan 2018 05:31:

No, I don't understand yours, but I do understand mine. Extremely severe, self-inflictin' and deep, and I stay far away from them. No lookin' back for me; that's the danger zone.