shlomo613 wrote:
Of course! They make the environment very friendly

fohr oh oh fohr.

Balantz balantz

Definitely calls for a Lchaim of Bardstown's finest

This is a MUST SEE! I just saw it, and boy did it hit home - BOOM!

www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong

Wow, what an interesting idea. That's definitely true, what that video was saying. And yet, I made it a little over a year in the (as I call it) "stress-cage" without using the drugged water. As far as I can tell, on a conscious level, I didn't act out because of stress. My wife read somewhere that when someone stops, usually they'll start again in a year. I was too proud and thought I was above that and so when the temptation came, I fell flat on my face. The old "One sip is too much and a thousand is never enough". Simply because for whatever reason I started, the reason I couldn't stop again for a while was because of my stress.

Life is stressful. Unfortunately we cannot change this fact. However, we can make it less stressful by improving our perspectives of life through the knowledge that HaShem will help us through whatever we are facing. That way it enables us to choose the clean water and not the drugged water. Baruch HaShem.

Great video.

What I learned from it was that it isn't the desire itself, for the drug of choice which is the MAIN underlying problem. - meaning its not lust,gambling, drugs, alcohol,food,etc

Its something else - he suggests social disconnection from loved ones. So don't punish the addict with threats of pulling away, rather show your unconditional love and the need for the drug of choice lessens greatly.

However, I do believe that there could be another cause for addiction besides loneliness.

For example: it might be anxiety caused by something other than loneliness.

It was a good video. Though it is more about how to treat the addict as opposed the addict can help himself.

I know for myself that most of my addiction is about striving for deep meaningul connection.

However, a big part of my addiction is a narcissistic drive to have connections on my own terms and as my fantasies dictate. So giving an addict blanket affection without trying to also help them deal with their issues will just feed their narcissism.

A big part of my recovery is not building new connections, but rather allowing myself to enjoy the connections that are there without the veil of my own selfishness and fantasies impeding the connection.

Thanks MBJ. That one hit the nail on the my head..
I often find myself wishing this website had a function you could favourite individual posts for reference in the future.

This is so good, I quote myself again .

gibbor120 wrote:

Here is another goodie appropriate for us from Rabbi Frand.

A Friend In Whom You Can Confide Your Embarrassing Deed Is A Friend Indeed

The Torah says that Yehudah had a relationship with Tamar, thinking that she was a zonah: "So he turned to her to the road, and said, 'Prepare please, let me come to you', for he did not know that she was his daughter-in-law. And she said, 'What will you give me if you come to me?'" [Bereshis 38:16] She was in fact, playing the role of the zonah and asked Yehudah what he would pay her for her services. Yehudah promised to send her a young goat from his flock. But Tamar told him that she wanted a deposit to back up his promise: She specifically asked for his signet, his wrap, and the staff that was in his hand. Yehudah gave them to her, had relations with her, and she conceived by him.

Later, Yehudah sends a young goat with his friend, Chirah the Adullamite, to deliver to the zonah as promised and to retrieve the personal items, which he deposited with her. Lo and behold, Chirah cannot find her. He inquires of the people and is told that there was no zonah in town.

Of course none of us would ever be caught in such a situation. But let us imagine that one would have found himself in such an indelicate situation as Yehudah was facing. Isn't this something a person would take care of by himself, rather than going to a trusted friend and asking him to find the zonah he hired, pay her off, and retrieve his pledge? A person does not ask for such a favor even from a trusted friend! How did Yehudah do this?

The answer is that the Torah is revealing something that is so true. The Torah says "Yehudah sent the young goat through his friend the Adullamite…" [Bereshis 38:20] This person was ray-ay-hu – his friend. The definition of a friend is someone who you can tell, "I had an illicit relationship with a zonah, I have to pay her off. Do me a favor and take the money to her." This is the definition of a friend.

The Rambam, in his Mishna Commentary to Tractate Avos, on the Mishna that advises, "Acquire a friend," writes as follows: A person should have a friend that he can fully trust and not hide anything from. He should not have to guard himself in the friend’s presence in either speech or action. He should be able to tell the friend all his personal matters – the good and the unseemly – without fearing that he will think less of him or tell others about them.

This is the definition of friendship – "You are so close to me and I trust you so much that I can even open up to you and tell you the worst things about myself without feeling self-conscious and without fearing that I will lose you as my friend."

Here is something else to take note of the next time you are called upon to speak at a Sheva Brochos:

The fifth bracha of the Sheva Brochos, recited at a meal during the week of a wedding begins: Sameach t'Samach Re'yim ha'Ahuvim, k'Samechacha yetzircha b'Gan Eden m'Kedem [Gladden the beloved companions as You gladdened Your creature in the Garden of Eden from aforetime.] Have you ever wondered why it is we refer to the Groom and the Bride as "Re'yim ha'Ahuvim" [beloved companions]? The bracha is directed at the Chosson and Kallah. We pray that their relationship should be the type of relationship that is "Re'yim ha'Ahuvim". (The Choson and Kallah should not try this during Sheva Brochos. First, they need to build the relationship. However…) If a person builds a relationship with his wife and he has a successful marriage, he should be able to come home some day and tell his wife "I did the stupidest thing… I did something so s tupid, so bad, and so ugly today…" And his wife will accept him because she knows that this "stupid act" is only part of a much bigger picture. This is a good friend. This is a ray-ay-hu.

Such was Yehudah's friend, Chirah -- ray-ay-hu ha'Adulami. Yehudah was literally one of the premier sons of Yakov Avinu, if not the premier son. He has a relationship with a zonah and he tells Chirah "take the money to her". How does he do that? It is because he was a good friend and with a good friend one can do that. If a person is lucky in life, his spouse may be that friend. If he is even luckier, maybe he also has somebody else who can fill that role. This is what the Mishna says in Avos: Acquire for yourself a friend. Try to get a friend who will stick with you through thick and thin. Whatever may occur, he will stand by you. We hope that every Chassan-Kallah will merit having the mutual relationship of Ray'yim Ahuvim.

Thanks for the posts! Haven't seen this thread up in awhile. Glad to see it.

Gibbor great quote, as usual

Another matter we take from Yehuda is
Honesty
צדקה ממני
This is a tough one...

gibbor120 wrote:


Gibbor, no offense, but is that your peshat in the Gemara or do you have a mekor? My understanding of that Gemara is not that the effect of his admission is that now he has nothing to be ashamed of (if that's what you meant). I think it's saying that the admission makes the Parsha worthy of being read and translated despite the embarrassment caused by the beginning of the story.
This seems to be the consistent mehalech of all the kamashma lan's that there is an overriding reason to read and translate each Parsha, or the potential cause for embarrassment is not sufficient reason not to.

Agav, in this particular case, there actually was nothing for him to be embarrassed of since he was pushed into it by a malach.

I'm not disagreeing with you point, as we know that teshva has the ability to turn aveiros into mitzvos, just questioning the message in this Gemara.

Translate "שבחיה הוא דאודי".

To me, it means "this is his praise, that he admitted it". Meaning that it is not negative, but positive. It does not say that by the other cases.

Feel free to disagree. The opinions expressed here are my own, and not necessarily that of GYE, dov, or any other thinking human being .

I think you're a thinking person (check out my signature), and I like the vort, I am just questioning whether this is what this line of Gemara is saying.

I translate it the same way you do - the fact that he admitted is his praise.
I understand that to mean that translating the beginning of the story is still a pechisas kovod for Yehuda but since the ending of the story is his praise (since he admitted it in public) we still read and translate that parsha. So the ka mashma lon is not saying the hava amina is not correct and the initial action becomes a source of pride, it's saying there is another factor that overrides the embarrassment.

The next kamashma lon follows the same construct (thanks for the hyperlink). The Parsha of the eigel is embarrassing but we still read it and translate it because the kapparah value of this embarrassment makes it worthwhile. The Gemara's maskana is not negating the hava amina that this is embarrassing, it's saying there is another factor that overrides the hava amina.

Just to reiterate, I am not convinced I am correct. I would actually prefer to be wrong about this and I would really like to see a mekor for this vort, I just don't see that it's muchach from the straight reading of the text.