peloni almoni wrote:


PLA, Now this is defiantly great. "Warranty expired"
this is priceless.

Peloni I'm putting this here, cos I can really picture the following conversation happening if you get pulled over (not relevant to me cos I almost never get caught)

Subject: Getting out of a speeding ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and
has the following exchange:

Officer:
May I see your driver's license?

Driver:
I don't have one. I had it suspended when
I got my 5th DUI.

Officer:
May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver:
It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer:
The car is stolen?

Driver:
That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw
the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting
my gun in there.

Officer:
There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver:
Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer:
There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver:
Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his
captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police,
and the captain approached the driver to handle the
tense situation.

Captain:
Sir, can I see your license?

Driver:
Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain:
Whose car is this?

Driver:
It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain:
Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
there's a gun in it?

Driver:
Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain:
Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you
said there's a body in it.

Driver:
No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain:
I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you
said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car,
had a gun in the glovebox, and That there was a dead body in
the trunk.

Driver:
Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.

The kids have a new game where they pretend to install filters on each other's laptops and smartphones. It's called...

josephsbrother wrote:


I hope the following info helps streamline your entry to the worldwide web

Log On : Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off : Don't add any more wood.
Monitor : Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download : Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin' (watch th' toes).
Floppy Disk: Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood.
Disk Operating System : The equipment the Doc uses when you have a
floppy disk.
RAM : The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive : Gettin' home in mud season.
Prompt : What you wish the mail was in mud season.
Windows : What to shut when it's 30 below.
Screen : What you need for black fly season.
Byte : What black flies do.
Chip : What to munch on.
Micro Chip : What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
Infrared : Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.
Modem : What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix : John Matrix's wife.
Printer : Someone who can't write in cursive.
Lap Top : Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard : Where you hang your keys.
Software : Them plastic eatin' utensils.
486 : One of them fancy imported cars.
Mouse : What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
Main Frame : The part of the barn that holds the roof up.
Port : Fancy wine.
Enter : C'mon in!
Random Access Memory : When you suddenly can't remember how much
that new rifle costs when your wife asks.
Digital : Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
Apple : If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.
Program : What's on the TV when there's reception.
CD ROM : The place in the back where they sell retirement accounts.

If porn is displayed on your screen, white-out should do the job
The CD driver is not a cupholder

that is one of the funnier things i have ever read

The Donkey

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from
an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey
the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked,
"What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and
made a profit of $898.00."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

Fun with no guilt.

.

briut wrote:




jerusalemsexaddict wrote:

Changinggood - I love guys that emphasise the humor threads

I wish you well (excuse my cynical humor)
But I feel very much at home with the depressed persons...

I hope that counts as a joke - but seriously it's quite depressing on that thread being all alone since the recent :-( RIP of Peloni Almoni, and he doesn't wanna be resurrected... but I need to stick to my old theads for the near future...

markz wrote:


Don't forget to put this post into your free tuck trowing tread as well, and perhaps in the Torah lust Mark one under hasagas gevul.

What happened to PA? I did notice a dramatic lack of energy on the forum, and now i realize why

But Im Gonna do it in any case!

He'res another corny one

And lastly for tonight

Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.

What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck

What is the USA's next president?
A: