Anyhow, you are brave for being here on GYE, and you are brave for sharing with us your struggle. A brave man you are. Keep fighting. 

As a side note, I would mention to you "Codependency". Look into it. 

yuyu wrote on 23 Dec 2020 20:42:

Thanks

Shalom,
I think that This time i l lwin and yuyu stated opinions very similar to what i said with possibly a little more clarity.
However, at this point I would venture to say the back and forth is somewhat futile. You believe this is the love of your life. Others are saying maybe not. End of story. We all agree (including you) that a break is needed now. You are doing an amazing job with this and are inspiration to us all!
I do want to caution you that this concept of love is something to be worked on one day. BH at this stage in my life (married 40s with kids KH) logically I have the concept clear. However,even now i will sometimes (during pre GYE or a real fall) connect with someone online or phone and convince myself that we really have an emotional connection. It is a "real" feeling that i have. BH ,my logical self is able to banish that thought at this time and realize that it is an illusion mixed with lust.But it can still be a challenge. Yes,I can even sometimes think that females I associate with on a regular basis such as  my coworker,nurse,etc etc really likes me because I noticed they laugh at my jokes,smile sweetly at me  or some other total nonsense like that.
Hatzlocha!

Hi Shtark,

I'm sorry if I came off so blunt.  I have all the admiration in the world for the struggles you have been through and your bravery to take a break, they are singing your praises in shamayim right now.  All I am saying is that emotions are blind, and injected with testosterone, are even blinder.  You are clearly head-over-heels for this girl.  I'm not saying there isn't a 1% chance you two were made for each other.  I don't know you or the girl, nor your relationship with her which is quite deep.  What I am saying is that 100% your situation does not let you think objectively.  I'm just trying to give you a more objective perspective.

Markz wrote on 23 Dec 2020 17:43:

If you can be relaxed without taking to your girlfriend for 12 days, then cool. 

If not, then it’s quite clear it’s not love that connects your dots. . .
She’s an unhealthy crutch for some empty ness that you should daven for the ness that you find a way to fill the void with true avoidah so as to become a fully decent person and then also a quality husband. Or maybe with therapy?
Yeah it is more expensive than she is, but on the long run, yeah...

Markz wrote on 23 Dec 2020 23:37:

Maskim 100%
Though not sure if he’s ready to hear this right now...

YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Dec 2020 23:51:

Firstly mr YeshivaGuy from Dunkin’, I hope our friend mr Emotional is subscribed to YOUR thread. 

Secondly I wrote it for our friend to read 2 years after he’s married 

Markz wrote on 24 Dec 2020 00:06:

Gotcha. 
Ive had a lot of stuff to say here but have held back cuz didn’t think it would be appreciated or heeded...
Anyway, glad to see at least YOU read my thread

Hey all!!!!! Wow!!

Firstly I wanna thank everyone for commenting! I appreciate all your input!!

I’m gonna comment on everyone’s opinions etc! But first I wanna talk about my day- day #3! And then I wanna share something that’s in my mind that I’m wishing to share with my girlfriend but I’m gonna post it here to get it off my chest;) 

So #3!!! I got up early!!!! Went to the mikvah before shachris, davenned after, and picked up an amazing breakfast and went to yeshiva!!! Had an amazing day with a lil on and off and actually a slip but I’m in track!!!! Praying praying praying!!!! Learning and going unbelievably amazing!!!! I treated myself to a big huge 400$ speaker to uplift my soul and Blast my favorite Jewish music!!!! Played football with my friends tonight and something came in the mail(something I worked hard on and special for my love)!!! And had a really good talk in learning with one of my friends !!!

I don't think any single will properly understand what the married guys say about marriage.

I too thought one way and only realized after marriage, so I don't think it's smart to try convince a single to think like us. 

I think it's great that singles have the passion sam has for marriage.

As far as not being able to survive without her, someone meantioned codependency, that might be a factor here.
Again I don't think a single can properly understand how codependency will effect them because only marriage will properly bring out by the person his codependency. 

This is part of nature how hashem set things up, we only see things properly once we're there. 

So sam, keep up the fighting!! Don't be nispoel. Try finding a therapist, that ca guide you through this chapter of your life.

I support your feelings, that this might be your potential wife, however for now taking a break will do great. 

Hatslocho,

And I want to share a special thought with my love! I wish I would know how she’s feeling at the MOMENT;)! I wish I can say “honey, don’t forget your love is here for you, he really loves and cares so much about you... and we’re in this together..” I wanna give her a big hug or at least at heart and make sure she’s doing ok and managing with this break! “Honey, always remember why we did what we did the step we took!!! And always remember I’m here for you! Always and forever!!! We’re just taking this small healthy break darling!! If you only knew!!! If you only know how much reward we’re getting how much reward your getting my davvening is so much more concentrated!! My learning is UNFATHOMABLE!!!! Honey, this step is going amazing for me (there are some challenging moments of course), and BOY your getting a hell of a lot of reward!!! Hang in there darling, very very soon we’ll be again on a date together have an awesome conversation together and most importantly always remember if anything really gets too painful we’re here for each other” !!! These are my thoughts so I’m sharing with the chevra!

Would really love to know how’s she’s doing at the Moment:( hope she’s ok!!!!