Dearest (name withheld),

I must tell you, it's been a long journey. Together we connected with HaShem against all odds at a young age. Together we conquered insurmountable nisyonos and challenges. We've touched countless lives and truly formed a close relationship with HaShem.

However, as you know, it hasn't always been easy for us. We've done a lot of aveiros which have distanced us from HaShem. We've given into meaningless vanities-harming much that we've accomplished all these years. And most importantly, this has led to barriers between us and Avinu Shebashamayim.

It's very painful for me to recollect all the pain I've endured. I'm aware that over time the guf becomes immune to an extent, to all the hester panim, darkness, that's been caused. But you should know, I still feel pain. And right now I'm in a lot of pain. You see, I stem from the highest place imaginable, under the kisei hakavod, so I'm not used to such horrible things.

So, I know right now, due to your sins, you don't really feel your, let alone my, pain. But you should know that you still have a soul that has feeling. You should know that your neshama still cries out to HaShem Yisborach even though you can't hear it.

So please don't think you've lost everything. Of course, tremendous damage has been done, but you should know that HaShem still wants you.
I know, it's hard to believe. But hear me out. We could both agree that your soul is greatly pained even though you currently don't feel it. You understand that you can't feel your souls pain due to the barriers you've made between your body and neshama.

Why, then, is it so hard for you to realize that HaShem remains your loving, adoring father standing behind the barriers you've put up? Do you doubt the patience of HaShem? Do you doubt the power of teshuva?

I know, it's already Elul, and you feel you've betrayed HaShem at this pivotal time. But just think about it. Imagine a wife upsets her husband a week before their anniversary. Certainly the husband would readily forgive his wife EXACTLY BECAUSE ITS RIGHT NEAR THEIR ANNIVERSARY! Because this is a time when his love for his wife almost overshadows all harm she may cause. From the wife's point of view, of course, because her love for her husband is heightened at this time, will feel she is betraying her spouse all the more. Nonetheless, the husbands love overshadows all her wrongdoings.

The same is here. You, (name withheld), truly love HaShem Yisborach. So when you "betray" HIM with aveiros you feel all the more bad at this time of Ani Ledodi vDodi Li. But, you need to understand, that particularly at this time, HaShem views you with extra "eyes" of love. So one can almost say that HaShems all-encompassing love for you, overshadows your wrongdoings. Of course, what you've done is utterly horrible. But you need to understand that HaShem doesn't want these barriers separating you two anymore. HaShem is on HIS throne of mercy, and is calling you to make up. So I know it doesn't feel this way. I know you feel utterly helpless and unwanted by HaShem. But now your nisayon is to have Emuna in the "arm" of HaShem to pull you out of this predicament though you've fallen so many times.

So in summary, it truly has been my greatest honor to be your Neshama. And I greatly anticipate growing more in the future. Please just do me, Klall Yisroel, and all of existence a favor.

Please don't give up. You are one of the last worriers of HaShem at this time. And you have no idea how prized you are in Shamayim. I know all you see now is your faults. But trust me, you are really big. You have the koach to overturn the entire world. That's why the yetzer works tirelessly so hard to destroy you.

So hold on tight and stay strong.

Evermore yours,

Your Neshama

I was clean for 27 days...

Anyway, I know that growth isn’t measured by streaks but rather minute by minute.
So I’m carrying on.