A lot of taiva for biah...
was walking to minyan this morning and was a pretty girl on other side of street. I kept my head down and repeated to myself “one day bezras Hashem, you will have a wonderful beautiful wife with Yiras Shamayim etc, you will tell her the mesirus nefesh you endured for her and she will be so touched...”

I really hope this is true. I want so much to have a relationship with a woman. But I’m really holding myself back from expressing that emotion negatively through masterbating etc...
Ive been fighting and holding myself back from so many things, temptations, opportunities to do issurim, for many years....

I really hope it’s all worth it.

Please, someone tell me it’s worth it. I know in ruchnius that mesirus Nefesh is worth it but...

Hey yeshiva guy,

You articulate in writing what you feel very well.

I'm single and often find myself in similar situations as you.

So I've been been told this is a sign of being a healthy male?

I admire that you realize reacting negatively to your feelings, temptations and desires is just not worth it at the end of the day. (Wish i would tell myself this when I'm feeling down or having a hard time but it's the truth)

In my eyes, it will be worth it.

As for me when Im in those situations, my heart wants but my head knows 'now is not the time'

Keep strong and keep us all inspired!
A gut voch and afreilechen Chanukah!

It's amazing how you can always articulate what you desire to do, and get it out there in words instead of leaving it beneath the surface. And your strength is an inspiration to me! Keep it up!

My dad wanted me to get a certain app, now have restrictions unlocked... been sitting here debating.

As y’all know I’m dying to get YouTube and masterbate/watch stuff all night long. I could go under my covers and relax.
Finnaly.

Uch. 

Sitting on my bed. With three clicks I can watch stuff, in a few moments I can be under my covers, warm. My heart pounding, enjoying- finnaly.

Well, honestly, screw it (pardon my French).
Gonna go down and get these restrictions back on.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 11 Dec 2020 01:32:

Oh no. Refua Sheleima!!!!! 

You missed the most important complaint. 

ITS NO FAIR - ALL MY FRIENDS CAN PORN AND MASTERBATE AND TALK TO GIRLS, AND I WANT TO JEWTUBE TOO 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Dec 2020 04:42:

How do you do this? Honestly this is a new level self control! How many people in the world do you think can exercise such discipline? Tremendous. Only respect my friend, only respect. 

Grant400 wrote on 13 Dec 2020 05:22:

Interesting, thanks.
Not feeling so good though...

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Dec 2020 05:28:

What does feeling good have to do with anything? Do you think Yosef HaTzaddik felt good when he resisted a powerful and attractive woman? 

Do you think R' Amram felt good when he was on the way up to his attic where two redeemed captive  young girls were staying, and he shouted "נורא בי עמרם" (Theres a fire in Amram's house)! Calling negative attention to the gadol hador and giving up such phenomenal pleasures? 

Do you think our esteemed YeshivaGuy always felt good throughout his journey of almost 100 days (!)? Tenaciously clawing his way up the mountain, resolve never faltering, goal never fading...

Or did doing the ratzon hashem like a true warrior on the battlefield, valiantly brandishing his sword and fearlessly staving off the attackers, wave after wave, ambush after ambush, trump "feeling good"?!?

But everthing aside, yes it feels I N C R E D I B L Y painful. Trust me I understand! I do! But after everything is said and done, we are in the same place in life and feeling like a human instead of an animal. In control rather than being controlled by our instincts like a mere animal. AND WE FEEL GOOD!

Hang in there buddy! Be the ben yeshiva we all know you are!

It doesn't have to feel good to do the right thing. 

                                  Grant

Can I ask why I don’t see so many buchrim posting here about off Shabbos struggles? Am I the only guy struggling here? Is everyone else shteiging easily at home?

Im dying here. Is it just me?

I know I’m posting a lot tonight, sorry.
Im just dying here! Lying in bed and taiva raging. In one moment it can be over! I’ll be able to sleep in peace!

I told me father today in a certain context that I’m nervous to come home cuz I don’t wanna watch pornography on the computer...
Was exciting!

Anyway,
Aaaaaahhhh!!!


YeshivaGuy

There are definitely more besides you.

Motzie shabbos is usually the hardest time of the week for me.

Keep strong!

Zedj wrote on 13 Dec 2020 06:45:

Thanks, cuz it’s lonely sometimes, and could feel like the only one with these taivas...
Shkoyach, good idea. Gn

Wow ! G-D Bless you Yeshiva guy

speaking of Yosef hatzadik ... it’s interesting that today we lained that parsha and today you are experiencing the same type of massive nisayon .
And you are channeling that massive Vayimaayayayaayaayayayain, li truly hope that you can be “ vayanas vayoitze hachutza “ 
And iy’H you should be zoche to the success Yosef had .
All the best

Yosef hatzadik was in the same situation as you.
He was ready to give up everything.
it was only when he had a vision of his father did he stop short of the deed.

How did this vision of Yaakov help Yosef fight the desire?
One of the explanations given is: Yaakov was fixing the mistake that Adam made by eating from the עץ הדעת . When Adam ate from the tree, he caused impurity to mix within the world.
That was what Yaakov was trying to fix. when Yosef saw his father yaakov (Yaakov also had a similar look to Adam (I could be wrong with that)) , he realized Evey action one does in this world has an effect. No matter how trivial his action may be. That was what gave Yosef the power to overcome his desire.
He realized his action will not just be a temporary action but rather a lasting effect.

So @yeshivaguy, if you were at a point to give everything all up, yet you didn't I am astounded that you held yourself back.
You can consider yourself having a test just as great as Yosef.


Keep up the fight.