Someone’s playing some music in the room next door out loud.
Im sure it’s jewish, but sounds like goyish club... And it’s turnin up my taiva level. Bringing bad thoughts...

Not sure what’s pshat with some guys, this is a serious place, not a makom for that eisav trash.

Gonna run away to the Beis.

See ya!

www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=71481

Amazing! Highly Recommended

Tonight is the last Night before going home for the off Shabbos.
Ive really been doing well in Yeshiva. Shteiging in learning, Shmiras Habris...

Im really not in the mood to go home.
I don’t need the break, I’m doing perfectly fine Bh.
It feels like this off Shabbos is slamming me in the middle of an amazing zman.

But this is the matzav, so it must be the ratzon HaShem.
It’s just hard to really tap into all the Hashkafos of Chanuka when surrounded by tv’s on in the house, brother on video games etc. It’s mamash Yavan...

Anyway, I have 2 concerns as I go home:

1.Internet/News: I’m worried I’ll use the Internet or tv even for kosher purposes and even chalila...
- I made a commitment (which I still need to wright down) not to use any of those without telling someone first etc etc.
But I’m already getting thoughts about news etc and my parents will be talking politics etc which I find very geshmak, but it absolutely KILLS my Bitachon,Erlichkeit, and תמימות in my Avodas HaShem...

2.Learning/hasmada: I’m shteiging so much right now. I wanna keep up the retzifus. I have goals etc but I really don’t wanna end up settling for mediocrity, which is very easy when in a home with lower standards...

These are some concerns.
B’ezras Hashem you’ll be hearing a lot from me over the next few days with updates etc.

Thanks,

YeshivaGuy

Discussing Politics should be fine.

Maybe try spend as much time with friends on the block and don’t forget to light every night at the window of your RV.

Here’s a Smiley face for our Hero!

iiiiliiii
._\/_.

Thanks, not really any guys my age around where I live... but thanks.

The day I return to Yeshiva is bezras Hashem, Clean Day 100! Gotta get through these days and I’ll have a big celebration afterwards 

I must say, Baruch Hashem for people like yourself, you give me chizzuk in avodas Hashem with this nisayon, Kol Hakavod Chabibi.
BEH you will be matzliach in this nisayon, go in guns blazing with Torah, and BEH you will come out a stronger better man! 
Kol Tuv!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 10 Dec 2020 05:57:

Kol hakavod! You are a legit inspiration! Thanks for that!


I'm assuming that's not the part of the chanukah story you want to tap into...


So technically like Markz wrote, there's nothing wrong with discussing politics, but if you know it weakens your yiddishkeit then run the other way!

All the methods you use to fight your lust so successful can be applied to this battle too. Remember, an urge is just a thought. 


Making goals in this situation is of the utmost importance. Goals guide and motivate a person. Just make sure to make them reasonable and doable. Over shooting and trying to accomplish something too large, or a goal too lofty will just backfire and cause discouragement. Make a small reasonable goal of what or how long to learn every day, and stick to it.


Can't wait!!! Hatzlacha!



                                   Grant

Just saying, I feel like I’m in an alternative universe....

YeshivaGuy wrote on 10 Dec 2020 22:42:

Men are from Marz
Women are from Venuz
YG is from...

Markz wrote on 10 Dec 2020 23:36:

...Jew-piter!

Just got news that now I’m pre-diabetic.
unless I work very hard, could chalila get diabetes...
Pretty upset, cuz it’s in my stupid genes, I’ve always struggled with weight even though I ligit eat no carbs/sugar during the week.
Im so freakin careful and yet my stupid doctor just says “keep up the good work and exercise more”

I don’t want any advice on this from anyone.
Im venting.

Seeing top doctor tomorrow, hopefully he’ll help me out.. pretty nervous and angry, cuz like it’s not my freakin fault. I already barely eat sugar/carbs and it’s still getting worse.
All my friends eat whatever they want and they are fine.
But me? I’m the one having tuna with salad! And I’m the fat one!?

Anyway, goin to sleep I guess.
Would love love love to watch bad stuff or masterbate, ah...

Im honestly angry. I don’t give a #%*+= anymore. Nothing I do works.

This doctor tomorrow better give me some meds to help me out cuz my body doesn’t work no more.

GN

YeshivaGuy wrote on 11 Dec 2020 01:32:

Ok. No advice, just sympathy. Sounds really rough, but if anyone I know can handle it, it's you. You're a true warrior.

Thanks so much.
Ill let u guys know how it goes tomorrow.
In bed now going to sleep. I’m so so aggravated that I just can’t be awake.

Oh how nice it would be, just a little bit of taiva, I would forget all my troubles and enjoy...

Gn Y’all 

In the health complex I was sent to this place where I was shown by a young woman about exercise, weights, abit of stretches...
I tried hard not to “lust” and Bh she was fully clothed. But still, was difficult.

And as a guy I sexualize everything.
So like, she’s gonna email me workout schedule etc, but in my mind it’s like a bigger sexual thing...

Crazy.

She asked me where I’m in college etc, and I was thinking about how geshmak being a goy is, with girls etc. It was so pleasant, the way she spoke.., and I’m a loser in an all boys Torah place...

But I kept repeating to myself “Soon you’ll be married to a beautiful frum girl...” 

Im saving myself for my future wife, bezras Hashem.
I’ve given up a lot, been through lots of pain, and hopefully, bezras Hashem, ill see that it was all worth it

Ps. My Yetzer is under the impression that texting a girl now would be the best thing to do.
Funny, I feel like that wouldn’t be so wise...

Anyway, I’ll get out of bed now before anything happens..................

Gut vuch,

A lot of taiva to masterbate, watch bad stuff, speak to girls etc etc.......

The only thing keeping me going right now is the drive to get to day 100....

Haven’t learnt much thus far at home. But have stayed clear of all tv/ computer use even for kosher purposes!

The big nisayon is tonight. Motzei Shabbos in general is always hard, and being home, especially after 98 days of “Yetzer Deprivation,” makes it harder.

Theres only one eitza in my mind right now.
To sit in my room for an hour now and just learn b’hasmada.

Ill keep y’all posted