In bed now going to sleep.
Yetzer says “hey why don’t you masterbate? That’s geshmak!”
And I’m like “Nope.”

Gn

YeshivaGuy wrote on 28 Oct 2020 04:43:

You are a mighty warrior!!! Thanks for sharing!! 

You are an incredible person. People of your caliber whole this world together. One of the holiest posts I have ever read. May Hashem continue to grant you strength

It’s dinner, and I’m a shtikl bored.
The Yetzer offers his unsolicited advice to masterbate etc...
What a weird response to boredom.
Either way, I politely decline the offer!
53days clean BH

Let’s call a spade a spade.
Masterbating feels geshmak.
Internet feels geshmak.
Aveiros with girls feels geshmak.

I agree with the Yetzer, it does feel geshmak.

But I’ve chosen to live an elevated life of true fulfillment and joy.
A life of Cheirus and meaning.
I don’t want the life that the Yetzer Hara wants me to have.
So I won’t take his advice.

Rather I want the life that Hakadosh Baruch Hu desires me to have.
And so I shall heed his words.

Hard? Painful? Annoying?
Sometimes, yes.
But it’s אמת.
And I cant bring myself to pursue a life of שקר.

 I remain, evermore bound and committed to this life of Avodas HaShem.
To a life of Dveikus and Ruchnius.
And I shall create a life of Kedusha v’Tahara regardless of circumstance.

But you come late to minyan/Seder sometimes, how will you live a life of kedusha- ur a faker!?

My response: I don’t care. The past does not define me. I have no choice. I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m not worthy to be an Oved HaShem. 
But there’s no alternative!

On Rosh Hashana I said to HaShem,
”HaShem, if you won’t allow me to have a year of Dveikus, Ruchnius, and Aliya, then take away my neshama. Don’t give me Chayim. Because I don’t want life if I won’t be connected to You.”

This mindset I maintain.
And I stand unequivocally devoted to a life of Avodas HaShem despite my shortcomings.

55 days Clean.
Gut vuch

For the record, self control is gantz geshmak too.....

Almost fell today.
Was closer than I’d like...
Staying strong.
Time for NightSeder.
Take care

Keep it up bro!! I like that "never giving up" mindset!

More taiva today...
Amazing how my Nekudas HaBechira seems to still be 50-50 despite my hard work...
Every day feels like I can go either way.
Every day I choose this life that ive chosen to live.
Confusing... I hope someday this will be beyond my Nekudas HaBechira and I  can move on to bigger things...

Anyway, time for NightSeder
See ya

Excuse me but fifty plus days clean in place of what was most likely a much more common occurrence simply means you are able to tell yourself no far more than in the past.
If that is not a reflection of your nekudas habechira moving higher then please explain to me what is.

Be honest with yourself, give yourself credit, the nisayon is not going to disappear, but being able to say no on a consistent basis is clearly a higher level even though the urges are still there.

Here is a very important yesod; the "bechira point" doesn't change our nisyonos, just how we react to then. The nisyonos will always be there the question is whether or not it's an option.

Keep pushing and keep inspiring!

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

Been following the election way way too much...
Trying to realize that even if ** ends up, chalila, losing- HaShem remains in control of the world. Of Israel, the economy, and society’s stability.
Klall Yisrael has survived and thrived under much harsher situations than what may, chalila, come to rise in the future.
Trying to have that Bitachon.

I really need to commit to disconnecting from the world of politics- of “cause and affect”
and connect to the world of ״נצח ישראל לא ישקר״

I hope to plug myself back into that world through continued Shmiras HaBris, Limud HaTorah B’hasmada, and cutting myself off from the toxic subconscious hashkafos that permeates secular society.

May we be zoche

We’re friends here so I’ll be honest.

I feel gross, down, and like garbage.
Prob a lot cuz was up till 4am following the election which ruined my day.
Told my friend not to let me download news apps again.
Today was a bust.
Exhausted, edgy, and nervous cuz my lack of Bitachon with the election...
Shver sedarim etc etc

What’s the eitza? You guessed it!
Masterbate?! Bad vids? That will def make me feel better, right?

Nope.

Now I cut off from the politics etc but I’m feeling withdrawal...
I BH was never a guy to watch tv etc for many hours before.
So watching the news last night for 8 hours kinda fried my brain, Ive never had this before...

So ya, that’s my current matzav.
Brain fried, tired, feeling apathetic-like I can eat unhealthy or masterbate etc...

But hopefully after a good night rest I’ll be fine, and then there’s Shabbos...
We also have day 60 coming up bezras Hashem!

I just feel so gloomy, but I guess it makes sense, no?

Shkoyach

I looked on the ballot and they had some strange names like Donald and Joe. 

Why was YeshivaGuy not one of the candidates on the list? I’d rather have voted for you!!

Thinkin now like what’s the big deal? So I’ll be nichshal now and then will resume being clean.
After all y’all always say “One Day At A Time”-
Is there actually any significance to cumulative clean days?

I suspect these thoughts come from the Yetzer...
Its just hard to always see things straight.

Its just such an easy way to get pleasure, and after a hard day it’s hard to pass up...

Your honesty will b'ezras Hashem keep you clean. The rest of us bottle it up inside, afraid to share our innermost thoughts. Tension and anxiety mount, and we end up using the eiver as our pacifier... You are a real inspiration.