Grant400 wrote on 11 Jan 2021 15:27:

Wow - now even the Chat has a dedicated thread for the “General”.
https://chat.guardyoureyes.com/channel/general

Long live President Grant!

lionking wrote on 19 Jan 2021 23:30:


This is another case in pint, where you write to one and it hits a home run for someone else.
Keep it in mind for the future, such as when you think you’re writing pointlessly to a newcomer who disappears quicker than he came...

KUTGW!

R Grant,
Fill us in... Is it really different once you reach 90 days? There is an impressive looking paragraph on top of the charts that implies it is so. I have my doubts though.I feel like I am in this battle for life. It is more livable when I pretend that my short term goals(30 days,40 days 90 days etc) are the end game. But deep down, I think it is all the same. That is not necessarily a bad thing,but just puts things in perspective.
Enlighten us non wall of honor folks
Thanks!

Lou wrote on 01 Feb 2021 04:53:

I don't know about 90, but after a while things change a little. There are still many ups and downs, but there a two differences that stand out to me.

1) There are longer periods of desire not being on your mind. Obviously this is excluding outside stimulation, meaning this is only true with active shmiras einayim.

2) Even when the fire of desire burns as deep and strong, theres less of a chance you will actually sin. There is a certain level of "I don't do this. Period.

Obviously the risk is still huge, and the pain can almost be unbearable, but it's definitely a different kind of battle many times, because of who the person is today.

So the answer is: Nothing changes in the world of temptations and enticement. It's the person who learns to RESPOND differently and lend it less importance. Once the guard is let down and a sip is taken we are back in the ring.

P.S. The fact that I don't want to have to restart my count definitely helps too!

90 days appears to be an amount of time the average person needs to rewire their thinking. There are chevra that successfully break free in very short periods of time, and of course some take much longer.

Hi All, 
I just want to share something regarding Watching Regular Movies which is the topic of this thread. 
During my long struggle, ive seen time and time again that the only way to keep clean is to watch the eyes from any inappropriate images of course. but i was fooling myself into thinking there is such a thing as clean movies. It took a while for me to realize that for me there is no such thing. Almost every movie has something that can trigger me. so i stopped completely, it was incredibly hard, still is. but that was the only way. 
Another titbit, Both me and my wife stopped watching Movies and TV sat separate times, and we both saw incredible and open signs from HASHEM right away after making the commitment to stop! Ive never seen anything like this! it was like Hashem was clearly telling me "yes this is what i want for you" 
Anyway, hope this helps someone out.

Thanks

That is a very true and inspiring post. I just would like to point out,that many times after you  take on something like this you will NOT see open signs from Hashem. This does not in any way mean that Hashem doesn't approve of what you did or love you etc. It is always amazing when you do get that sign. But don't despair at all when you don't. The ways of Hashem are hidden from us! 
This is easy to say(write) but very challenging to put in practice. However,it is the truth.
Thank you

I had a slip last night. I'm calling it a slip because even though initially before giving in I made a decision that this doesn't constitute a problem for me, it was still irresponsible for where it can and normally does lead. Thank God, I didn't go further. But I do feel really bad about it.

 That being said, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I am upset at myself, and feel bad about the fact that I gave into something which isn't 100% kosher and according to healthy standards.

On the other hand, there is a slight silver lining, if you can call it that. Because I feel terrible about this, it reaffirmed my understanding of the fact, that if I give in to real temptation and let loose, I will feel way worse. Although I know this intellectually, as time goes on while being clean these memories tend to fade slightly. It is helpful to be reminded about this, although I wish it wasn't in this way.

Additionally, the fact that I didn't go all the way, even while using a so-called gateway drug, shows me that I still am in control to a nice degree.

I understand that this may have happened because I haven't been  so active on the GYE forums. This is not because I felt capable to leave and be on my own. No, I never stopped understanding that I need GYE in my life in order to remain clean. It's necessary for me to constantly read other people's battles and triumphs. I need to benefit from rewriting and reiterating what I already know on a constant basis. But the truth is these past few weeks I have really been busy, and I legitimately didn't have time to be an active participant although I did make time for it every day, and skimmed through most of the new posts.

I guess what I'm saying is that this is just as important or maybe even more, than all the things I am busy with. 

From here on I will try my best to make more time for GYE. This is just as important, actually even more, than all the things I am busy with. From here on, I will bl"n try my best to make time on a more constant basis and be more active  on the forums.

Additionally, I accept upon myself not too give in to what I gave into last night although I do not think it is a problem for me in the realm of  regular triggers per se, it would take a fool to continue conning myself into believing that it doesn't make a difference, and is innocent. It is wrong.

                                     Grant

Grant400 wrote on 16 Feb 2021 15:19:

Hi Grant, I consider you a role model when it comes to being so open and honest.
They say that "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things not people."

So let's stay connected and we'll be able to keep on growing with Hashem's help!

Thank you for being open about your challenges. It gives us Chizuk.
Can you share what the gateway drug was? It just may help enlighten us to what is something that can look innocent but truly isn't.
Thank you
Stay strong!

Last few weeks were Grantless and dull.

We didn't know where you were...you really scared us!

I too (virtually always feel that I) am too busy...yet force myself to post because I know the cycle of spiraling free-fall too darn well. Without posting, I am vulnerable and pure dogfood for the predator yetzer.

Please don't scare the daylights out of us again.

So happy that you are back to celebrate 90 with me BEZH tomorrow night (And I can't imagine that I would be celebrating had it not been for your hashpa'ah)...

General relief in Grodno ~ IMG

Grant400 wrote on 16 Feb 2021 15:19:

I love that fuzzy rock bottom feeling when we get the friendly reminders that we can’t live without gye. I’m just saying in ‘General’

Slipping and sliding. A fall? Don't know...don't think so...dont want to believe so? Definitely had excuses but c'mon. 

Gotta grab myself. Enough is enough. If I rationalize then there is no end. This stops here da**it!

Will make a taphsic next week. Hold me accountable. 

I have some extra salt if you need it...

Grant400 wrote on 19 Feb 2021 19:18:

R Grant,
Possibly read through some posts you have left for others. It can do wonders when you apply it to yourself.
I have done that at times and my posts are not quite on the level of your posts (to say the least).
Hatzlocha!