I never thought I would come back here but i failed today and have no one to talk to about my issues. I need to vent. (if you know a good therapist in NY pm me)

I was not really happy with this site because I found the type of people here to be very different than me.
Im modernish, so I didnt really fit and I dont know yiddish at all. I was unhappy when I was told that "Mussar and our torah won't work, instead read this christian book on the 12 steps."
The 12 steps is literally the mesilas Yeshorim watered down.

I have struggled on and off with porn since late high school when other students introduced it to me. I fell in with the wrong crowd I guess. I watched it randomly here and there. Otherwise I was a very good guy. great grades, never did anything wrong…
It was when i turned 20 that i even heard that porn can be an addiction and I suddenly became nervous. I went cold turkey for 4 or 5 months and installed a filter called k9 and gave the password to a family member. it took guts to do that and I was very proud.

But I am a web developer. A very very good one. No filter has stopped me yet. :D
When I wanted to watch porn again I simply hacked right through k9. I told k9 about the breach but they have never fixed their stupid program so… I moved on to netnanny. Cracked that one. And the next one…
I finally found one that wont crack easily. 
But I break through every so often. but it was like every 2 or 3 months.

then I started dating and it wasn't working out. I watched every friend and family member get married. Even those bad kids from high school all married. My younger siblings all married. Im almost 30 and still not married. I began to think it wont happen for me. I even was sitting with some people one day who made fun that at the age of 30 i was still a virgin. That was hurtful so I felt somehow justified in watching porn.
Over the past few years it has gotten worse. Usually I'll watch in bouts. Like 3 days in one week and than i will go cold turkey for a few weeks to a month.
On this site I was also told marriage wont fix the issue, but i feel marriage is the reason I am doing this. I feel i have no outlet and am somehow justified. Once I do it I feel pretty bad. 

I'm looking for a therapist in my area who is helpful with this stuff. Please pm me if you know one.

Welcome back

Sorry to hear you didn't find any light since you joined gye 7 years ago

Have you checked the gye Therapist page
guardyoureyes.com/resources/therapists

You sound like you think you're doing us a favor by coming back here. 

Serenity -
"doing us a favor by coming back here" is something many many us forum users do.

Happens to be that seeking a therapist is an impressive step forward and should be applauded imho, so please give him a thank you and a free refferal

Good mornin my brother,

You're post was great, don't worry if anybody has negative responses. Sometimes people don't know how to respond. You asked if anybody knows of any therapists, I've been seeing a psychologist (in Monsey) for the past bunch of years. It took a while until I found a good one, only problem - it's a woman. So although I've kinda brought up how masturbation is an issue, it's not something I'm comfortable discussing with her. There's a psychologist in Brooklyn that I know as well. If you lmk where you live, perhaps I can help out.

For what it's worth, Yaakov Avinu was a virgin until he was in his 60's (I think) or whatever old age that Yaakov was when he got married. Yitzchak Avinu was 40. If those ppl would make fun of our forefathers for being virgins at such an old age, it's a clear proof of how missed up their priorities in life are.

Please shoot me an email or a PM if you'd like to get more info.

1) I don't know why you think the site is not for modern people, you're not the first one I see here (I think this is an issue that all fractions look on it the same way) my preferred language is Yiddish & it's not so easy for me to read & post on English (as you can see...) I don't think you should have a problem. If somebody says something that is not in line with you just ignore, we are not experts we are STRUGGLERS.
2) a lot of us justify their behavior with different excuses, but if you believe it's a problem you shouldn't pay attention to it you have to avoid it anyway. The fact that you're not married may make it harder for you (rather mentally not physically), but I don't think that ppl must have an outlet.
3) I'm not sure why you need a therapist, from what you wrote it looks like you need a person to listen to you & feel with you. However, there are many good therapists out there, with a little bit research you can definitely find the right one for you.

Hashem should send you your zivug soon & your life should bring you loads of joy & pleasure.

You're right bb0212 I didn't know how to respond but there is a lot more wisdom and love in my response then you know. I did know what not to respond though. He said he came here to vent. Venting never helped anyone with a masturbation problem.  The OP is walking around in the dark. He can't see his hand in front of his face. Many of the Guard Your Chevra think you always have to coddle people. I think it's okay to teach some manners. Especially when until the person learns some manners and a new way of thinking he will never find any serenity. So I'm not doing anyone any favors by feeding their character defects. You don't come to a group and point out how the methods of the group don't work and then ask the chevra for help doing it your way. If you have your own way, then go do do it. All the Guard your eyes forum coddling and making nice won't help him anyway. 

Here is one passage from the book of Alcoholics Anonymous that so fits the OP:

Now we come to another kind of problem: the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman. To these, many A.A.'s can say, “Yes, we were like you— far too smart for our own good. We loved to have people call us precocious. We used our education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons, though we were careful to hide this from others. Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brainpower alone. Scientific progress told us there was nothing man couldn't do. Knowledge was all-powerful. Intellect could conquer nature. Since we were brighter than most folks (so we thought), the spoils of victory would be ours for the thinking. The god of intellect displaced the God of our fathers. But again John Barleycorn (Lust) had other ideas. We who had won so handsomely in a walk turned into all time losers. We saw that we had to reconsider or die. We found many in A.A, who once thought as we did. They helped us to get down to our right size. By their example they showed us that humility and intellect could be compatible, provided we placed humility first. When we began to do that, we received the gift of faith, a faith which works. This faith is for you, too.”

Many here come frome a modern background and don't know yiddish.  That should not keep you away.  (BTW, which filter "won't crack easily".  I'm curious to know.)  You sound like you are doing relatively well.  You don't sound like someone who needs a therapist (based on my very unprofessional opinion from reading your post).  I'm not sure if you have other issues.  Do you feel there is a "reason" you are not married?  Are there other issues you haven't mentioned?

Do you have a friend, relative, mentor, Rabbi you can talk to?  You may just need "someone" to talk to.

KEEP POSTING!

serenity wrote on 12 Dec 2017 14:37:

Perhaps we understood the op's post differently. I thought he was coming here to ask for help and explained why he left for so long. To me it appeared that he's asking for help, not just to vent. He therefore wrote his "fears" about why GYE wouldn't work.

That said, you felt differently and I appreciate your second post which explains and elaborated on your first post here.

bb0212, You're probably right and I'm probably just in a grumpy mood. I should be more loving, patient and tolerant. If not for the benefit of others, then at least for my own benefit. Thanks for pointing that out to me in a kind way.

Sorry if i came across rude.
I was just trying to explain why I stopped coming.

Sometimes I felt it was helpful and sometimes I felt at odds. I would get a lot of responses and im not sure which is the "correct" one for me and my situation, and this is important to me. 
So i feel speaking face to face with someone or privately would be able to help me more. 

With all the respect, I don't think this site is about teaching manners all it can do is pushing people away. You gotta make people comfortable here (at least at the beginning) or they may fly away especially if they're not too strong. I person that is here for a short while will get it himself.
There may be various reasons ppl talk how they talk. the gemura learns from eiyuv that a hashem don't punished for what a person says when in pain. People may be frustrated about their problem etc. & this makes them talk in certain ways (I'm not saying that the poster said anything wrong).
If I don't agree with something I would rather not comment on it. I think s4nh is a great guy & really wants to change for the good.

                                                                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                             

ieeyc wrote on 13 Dec 2017 07:45:

Correct. However, he did post 7 years ago.