Hi,

I'm originated in israel and english is not my mother tong so dont mind the misspellings.

My name is Jacob, and i'm fighting a heavy addiction with complications.

I have a nature of an addict. Everything i do is to the end and beyond, for good or bad.

First time i watched porn was around the age of 10. Out of curiosity of course, but the pics bore deep inside, and around 13 when i got my first 3g phone i explored it all the way. But i count myself as a real addict from 17, that was when i left my parents house.

I recieved traditional frum education, but my 'baaley tshuva' parents weren't really up to the task. My mom was all emotional and with my father i didnt really speak at all, so for me religion was just a bunch of nonsense with some more mind tricking nonsense on top. and i was a smart kid and a perfect liar, and small step after the other i stoped being shomer mitzvot, even though on the outside i looked just like everyone else.

Anyway i went to yeshiva, basically leading a double life, bars and girls at night and nice jewish boy by day.

Lucky for me, we all have some good spot somewhere deep inside that tells us the right from wrong and so i decided to check 'Yahadut' first. I was stupid enough to think ill just open 'Hovot halevavot' chapter one and see all the flaws in his reasoning. Boy i was naive.. And so when i was 19 or so i started slowly crawling back to the track. Of course the porn was there all along but i think that was the least of my problems at the moment.

Satan has many ways, and i met a girl who was almost in the same situation as me but she was a complete mess, aiming for suicide, and i helped her. In the process we became too close friends, and all of my progress went down the drain. But i left her with a tremendous effort , and BH today im completely shomer negia.

Over the past 3 years i had partial success with my addiction, constantly progressing with keeping torah and mitzvot, but i never got of the hook completely. God made me strong and with his help i've accomplished a lot but that was just beyond my reach.

Last yom kippur i decided i had enough and prayed as never before and a few days later i found GYE and started my 90 days jurney.

I hope God will give me the strength to complete it and be done with it.

Welcome and thanks for coming here.

​Hatzlacha on your journey to recovery.

Wellcome brother!!! What a battle! I wish you lots of hatzlacha!!

Hatzlacha rabba on your journey.  Keep us posted on how it goes.

Welcome ftn. No fights allowed here 

Thank you brother for joining our great GYE community, just stay around, and you will get our full support, you will make it, i did it after many many years, im 72 days clean, and i love it, im a totally new person, just hang on, use the great tools, dont leave us..
Thank you

Welcome. You display much courage and wisdom. You have come to a good place where iyh you will get better and help others. You sound determined and focused. Hatzlocha.

Welcome!  You have been through quite a lot!  The 90 day journey is a start, but it is ONLY a start.  To be successful, you will most likely need other tools as well.  We all wish we could just "complete it and be done with it", but it is not that simple.  Check out the handbook and keep posting.  Never give up.  You have made a good start.  Keep it up.

I guess i'll do it one step (tool) at a time. With god's help i will not loose.
Thanks a lot to everyone!

whenever i chatted with you  i always walked away impressed but now reading your post im triple impressed ,chazak ve`ematz!