Hi my name is Moshe I'm 20 years old
I had a difficult childhood moving around the world more than 10 times by the time I was 13 due to my father's work which meant I never had a group of friends or felt settled and start laying down roots I was always waiting for the next move or place we would go or for.the next thing my father would stop keeping when we stopped moving gradually my father started keeping less and less mitzvos slacking of here and there and now even though for a family event if he comes he dresses as if all was good he doesn't keep anything not shabbos or yom  tov
This was very difficult for me at around that time which is when I was 13 i was told by someone about sex porn  and started to watch it which made me feel not only bad but also like a hypocrite as I resented my father for not keeping but I myself started to fall but it was sort of an escape for me at the same time my yidishkeit started to fall I lost my geshmak appreciation of it and  didn't lay teffilin countless times I am now 20 and struggling with the same things I am now in the age of shiduchim and things have been suggested for me but I can't and won't bring someone into my life like this and don't want to become part of someone's else's life like this
I signed up to get help take the necessary steps and get back into yidishkeit get back the geshmak appreciation and happiness and feeling of fulfilment I hope I can achieve this and more
 המצפה לישועה Moshe

Welcome brother!!

Wow what a story :-(

Great move for coming here -
ישועה והצלחה

WoW, What a story, Pity you! 
i wish you good luck on your journey, you should get on the right track soon.
you did the best thing, just hang around, get the handbook, find a partner/sponsor, look around the forum.
remember, you are not alone, and we will try to assist you the best as possible..
hang on..
stay strong, stay clean,

TThank you for the kind words אמן and may we all get over these struggles 

Moshe המצפה לישועה wrote on 04 Jul 2017 17:24:

Im not over the struggle by any means and maybe never, but my name is not inastruggle (WHERE IS HE???), and thanks to gye with this forum I don't have to wage battle and lose as I was accustomed to

Welcome
thank you for sharing your story. I hope you will stay here and get better soon, this really helps. The slacking of and coldness to Mitzvos hangs together with this addiction, so once you try to get this more under control the geshmack might just as well come back as a side effect.
Hazloche

Welcome! It sounds like you might benefit from therapy. Acting out is almost certainly tied to those traumas.  Even having a friend, relative, or Rav/Rebbe to speak with can be a big help.  I wish you all the best.

Welcome. Stay connected. There is a good caring family here that is here to help.

Hey welcome!!!
Intense story.
Do you have a Rebbe?
Hatzlacha

Hey welcome 

I can relate to the feelings of hypocrisy i think many of us can
unfortunately when i was single and in yeshiva (never at home) i slacked off with my teffilin as well and more
just pointing out that i can relate to your feelings because I was still "putting on the show" (still am)
check out the twenty tools they help tons
and whatever you do keep posting

Moshe

I think you have a lot of resentment of your father.
So you seek comfort in porn.

I recommend a therapist, and also at some point to sit down and tell your father how the constant moving has damaged your life.
I think the lack of regualr friends will affect your confidence and esteem.

But be optimistic, at your age there is always Yeshiva and University and maybe the Army where you can make friends.
And there are local social and activity groups you can join.