Yes I would not mind doing that it can be  beneficial for both of us my email is n1998nhd@gmail.com thnks looking forward!!

i poshut don't believe what I just did, I spoke for the first time to a person about my struggles, I thought its beyond me (and it will never happen in my lifetime) but I just did it:) 
it's just a little too much for my feeling, it's like they don't know how to react but they got to learn pretty fast how to adapt to this new addition to my life, the same way i eat three times a day and Shabbos happens once a week they would learn that i call once a week to see how my lust situation is doing.

MAZAL TOV!  That is a VERY difficult step, but a very POSITIVE one. KEEP IT UP.  Who did you speak to?  How did it go?

dms1234 wrote on 19 Jul 2017 20:26:

i dont mean to challenge you and i want you to know that i really have benefitted from your posts ,but according to your statement that derech eretz is before Torah therefore you dont learn musar , do you not learn Torah too ,just like Torah is required of everyone wether they have derech eretz or not AND can have a positive  effect on every yid no matter where they are holding , so too learning musar ,what do you think learning musar is ,a cherry on top? something you can do without? my freind learn musar , dont get crushed by the demands of musar , but learn it IN ADDITION to what ever a person needs in recovery,youll be a fortunate man .

ieeyc wrote on 14 Dec 2017 15:57:

I'm sure dms learns Torah and mussar

As I understand from dov - bro if this is a religious problem, fix it with some more religion

But an addiction problem (on whatever level) needs to be dealt with the appropriate tools that Hashem created e.g. 12 steps
Many of us didn't act out in Yeshiva with Torah, but torah wasn't the cure it was an escape from life. When life smacks you in the face how do you deal with it to gain serenity?? If opening a Gemara helps you cool - let us know. Most of us resorted to ********* because that was real serenity in our limited world prior to gye
If you do not get my point I maybe read some dov quotes  ;-)

Just to add my 2 cents.

Well the perspective i have on Mussar, is that in reality we are Human animals. and living with our instinctive animal traits is harmful in so many ways. Addiction is part of the animalistic way of life. musar and Chassidus can help for some addicts to position themselves in the right direction. so they are having the right perspective in their daily life struggles. it helps them feel connected to a greater cause. a cause of Kirvas Elokim, which in essence is helping them to stay clean in life.
Well for some this does not work, because they associate learning musar, with being Farkvetched, or being depressed. well this is not the right way to approach niether musar or Chassidus.
Reb Yisroel salanter meyased Tenuat Hamussar, approahed learning Musar as a skill, with Hispa'alos. It is a positive experience to go through this process. same will apply with learning Chassidus. 
were living in very confusing times. there is a HUGE detour from our old  Heritage of Musar and Chassidus, which helps a Yid to over come the Nisyonos hador, to our todays learning of musar and chassidus that seems to be so boring to so many of us. if it is boring for us, it means that were approaching it the wrong way. 
Learning Musar and chassidus, should lift and elevate anyone that dwells into it. it is so profound, there is so many factors to put the mind to, there are so many new ideas to grasp and to process, and it is so educational, and most important usefull.
anyways, i hope it makes sense to anyone here, let me know your thoughts on this topic. 

Markz wrote on 14 Dec 2017 19:00:

Just a little sequel because I saw this mentioned on the chat on the topic

Theres a simple equation on this side of the woods, and its called "what works for me"

ieec if you know how yirash shamayim is supposed to gain sobriety why don't you pass 100 days clean with it?

As i wrote earlier today, we need to try share what we have personal experience with, so please try keep the discussion with that focus

Thanks bro

"As i wrote earlier today, we need to try share what we have personal experience with, so please try keep the discussion with that focus"

Well Markz, that's exactly what i did. I am not here to philosophy recovery. 

and if i may add my 2 cents to this mussar/chassidus disscussion
i don't think that r'yisroel salanter learnt mussar for one day of his life and the baal shenm tov never learnt chassidus these people were working on themselves reach their potentiol  to the highest in all areas mainly bein adam lchaveiro they developed ways of doing that based on torah
 witch evolved into mussar and chassidus 
the point of all that was for a person to come to his own personal avodah 
but if you don't know how to do that you can sit and scream mah chovaso b'olamo fun haint biz morgen aint nothing gonna happen
it's gotta be personal and honest 
if the 12 steps works call it mussar chassidus whatever floats your boat the point is we all gotta a personal shlichus to work on our very own selves the name of your program is totally irrelevant 
i have heard this line said and it makes the same point the vilna gaon was never makpid on keeping the gaon and r' akiva eiger never learnt a r' akiva eiger and the chofetz chaim never learnt a chofetz chaim vechulu
it's gotta be you

1.Dms wrote" mussar cant help  me" " Mussar cant help me in that state" which means  ( to me ) he doesnt learn mussar as of now  ,unless hes forcing himself to  learn something that he knows cant help him , then ill eat my words.  i dont know if i would learn something that i know  cant help. 
Markz wrote" But an addiction problem (on whatever level) needs to be dealt with the appropriate tools that Hashem created e.g. 12 steps "
i wasnt saying to learn mussar without the 12 steps ,to quote
" my freind learn musar , dont get crushed by the demands of  musar , but learn it IN ADDITION to what ever a person needs in recovery,"meaning e.g. the 12 steps
2. Markz wrote"ieeyc if you know how yiras shamayim is supposed to gain sobriety why don't you pass 100 days clean with it?"-" we need to try share what we have personal experience with"  if i do 100 days that shows that yiras shamayim works  ,and if i do only 9 days its not  a proof?and if i fall day 110 does that show that yiras shamayim doesnt work?unless your question  is" if yiras shamayim brings to sobriety why dont you just stop forever" well just like people who are sober because  of 12 steps, fall if they stop working the 12 steps , so too if someone is sober because of yiras shamayim, if they stop working  yiras shamayim they could also fall.but my point in the chat was stop saying" my goal in  recovery is to focus on this and that and working on yiras shamayim  has no place for recovery at this  time in my life  for a sex addict like me" like i understood from some comments .i hope i made sense .im writing this at 4:49 am with a unfiltered ipad /computer within my reach,i havent done the 12 steps yet since im still at the first level ,and if not my working on yiras shamayim in addition to gye  ,i think id be doing other "stuff"now at  work where ive been here for 5 hours already which i have done many times in the past  before i got connected to gye.my wife ,or anyone  else aint around.only me  and my Creator who i owe SO much  and who ive disappointed so much ,and still has not given up  on  me.

hi i am new to this religion can someone enlighten me what the heck 
is "yiras shomayim" ?

tzomah wrote on 15 Dec 2017 10:15:

Fear of the skies falling
Solution:  Build a giant tower to hold the skies up

tzomah wrote on 15 Dec 2017 10:15:

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                                                              —

tzomah wrote on 15 Dec 2017 10:15:

I thought you answered that here.

true i did 
it's basically a fear of self