Hi 
steve that's my name, I've been here before this is my story 
Just a small intro. Ill try not to tell how sad I feel or how I want to kill myself I feel like I'm a bit past that. I mean no disrespect t o anyone who does I only have respect for the people here. When I say I'm past that what I mean is yes it sucks no I can't live normally yes I feel like a hipacrite I might or might not be a horrible person and it's shocking. Frankly I don't give a damn . The fact that ill probably go to hell for what I do i think is probably right. But im not here to discuss if I'm good or not I just need to stop. I need to stop watching %#_$& porn and stop masturbating we can deal with how I feel later. Ur smiles chizuk and words mean the world. But what I need most now is a way out of my hole that I've made for myself. I also ask the master of the world if he can please spare a little more mercy for even after all has happened no I dont deserve it but dear g-d if u can give I'll try to use it to the fullest.
Ok so me. Frum black hat family been masturbating since I'm eleven. Always struggled had my ups and down fought with everything I've don't feel like I've won. First porn stuff at like 18 . Didn't get into it untill i was 23 24. Since I got married  I got much more into it to the point that I can't stop even for a few days.(I mean masturbating not porn that bh I can take a break from)
I read a line recently that I really identified with. For it's recreation, for me it's a job that I can't quit. The more I write the pathetic I sound to myself. I'm tired in pain not  in the mood and I'll still do it. What the hell. The truth is I can't look at myself normally after I wrote that. The only thing that maybe keeps me going is the fact that I think this is my nesa oin my test and this is what g-d wants from me. I'm sure he wants to do better though. He gave me a lot of strength in other areas but sadly I can't use them cause of my habitual masturbating.( I mean ruchniuss wise and probably a little not) So in a nutshell the reason why I'm here is because I have nowhere else to go. Nothing else to do  I simply can not stop please help i don't care who u r if u can help let me know. I simply need to stop cause my life is all screwed up right now. 
I'm sorry if I came of abnoxious I want to reiterate I only have respect for the guys here no affence meant just talking how it is 
Love u guys I feel better already. So please help me 

Welcome brother
Ive been in the hole too

Relax, it will be fine!

You know you're in the right place
Take it easy and don't stuff your face
Take only what you can chew on at a time
Thats the only way these trucks climb

whats up Steve,
Welcome to the Forum!
what is your plan right now to stop? Are you working on the handbook? Signed up for Fortify? Started exercising? Or something else?
Hatzlacha!!

Steven321 wrote on 28 May 2017 20:48:

Hi Steve,
As i wrote today, to another fellow here on GYE, i feel your pain, i was recently there, but the last 6 weeks im totally clean, i wasnt clean for allmost 30 year, acting out daily, check out my thread below at my signature, but i finally made it, so your help is around the corner. You will get there too.

check out the hand book, take your self a partner, to share your struggles and support, read the forums, there is tons of ideas and support..

just stay strong, and stay clean.

its not an easy one, we are all the same human beings, and we were all there, and remember its a day to day recovery 

my trick, and my life saver is my partner.

Welcome Steven,

ThisThis business sure can get one down. There are ways out, however.

Wishin' you the best.

Hey Steve,
I'm also not "sober," still porning and masturbating, fantasizing and everything.
I also get ruffled from "chizuk" at times.
I sometimes prefer to get it between the eyes instead of some fluffy mushy love from the guys here, but I take whatever I can.
Welcome, and thanks for sharing (not in a 12 steps kind of way, just thanks for sharing your story) .
Moish

Wow! Respect! I really appreciate what you wrote, it makes me feel like im not alone, so happy I'm apart of this gye, I think and hope my fight is ganna get easier from here on

Hey Steve,
Whats up brother. Hope all is well. How you doing?
Best,
Bear

bear wrote on 28 May 2017 22:07:

Hi Steve. I hope my post did not come across as offensive. What I meant to ask is what have you tried so far. And give some other things to try if you have not tried these yet. I am sorry if my post came across as an attack. 

Thanks guys really for all ur support honestly I'm thinking now that it's to scary to try everytime I do I end up much worse after my initial high I think I might have giving up. Not sure what to do but it's nice to know that guys are still in there thanks 

Steven321 wrote on 04 Jun 2017 22:22:

See ya later