bear wrote on 30 Oct 2017 00:04:

Young man, you have 24 hr!
Maybe 1 of the young old timers here can be available for you - you never know...

Markz wrote on 30 Oct 2017 00:08:

I saw you clicked ThankYou, so I wanted to say Urwelcome

We need a UrWelcome button as reply to a ThankUbutton
Can we have the devs add this asap pls?

bear wrote on 29 Oct 2017 23:58:

So for the first we have to help you learn healthier ways of dealing with stress - exercise, reading, meditation, etc - there are many options. For the second, I agree with Mark - it would be wise to have a Rav or rebbi who can help you sort out the issues. Hatzlocha.

Keep posting.  There are plenty of people here that are willing to talk to you.

I guess that is my two goals right now. Find ways to deal with stress, and find a Rebbi to talk to. 
Any fun outlet ideas?

Exercise is a great stress reliever

yes, excercise is a great idea.  Also, having someone that you can vent to can help to release the stress.  Even if they cannot help you, just being heard helps.  Reading a good book.  Listening to music can all help.

                                                                                                                                                   

ieeyc wrote on 03 Nov 2017 11:46:

I never realized much of the above. Thanks for bringing it up. Something to think about.

bear wrote on 03 Nov 2017 18:58:

Just for the record Mark never said that
The bardsviller Rebbe who Fell Shmell from the virtual world said that

I had a fall recently. I was thinking of what I can do to help motivate me. 

On Shabbas we read that Yosef was about to sin with Potiphars wife, but seeing the image of his father led him to stop. The image of his father reminded him of some of his reasons to fight. I think the idea is that, if you have something as an anchor that can help you stay on track it can really push you through a difficult test. I assume the anchor can be your family, the great reward you will receive for abstaining, or something else that can keep you fighting even when your are very enticed. 

For the next 4 week including today, my fighting will be in the Merit that Hashem protect the Chayalim. The Chayalim do so much, and they are willing to sacrifice so much. I should at least be willing to sacrifice some forbidden pleasures for four weeks in their merit. For the next month the Chayalim are my anchor.

There is a quote from Rav Nachman of Breslov in which he says, "אם אתה מאמין שיכולים לקלקל, תאמין שיכולים לתקן - if you believe you can break, believe you can fix". The quote always bugged me, it made no sense. On a personal note, it has been so easy for me to break. I live in a society that actively promotes lewdness, my Rebbiem did not speak enough about the dangers of the internet, my family computer did not always have a good filter. So for me to fall has been so easy, to fix on the other hand requires me to stand up to all the challenges. So how can you compare breaking and fixing?

I think the answer to the question is the first part of the phrase, "אם אתה מאמין שיכולים לקלקל - if you believe that you can break". In reality, so many times I never realized that I can break, rather I said that my surroundings controlled me. I rationalized that I never broke anything, rather my surroundings broke me. What I have to acknowledge is that ultimately, even though my surroundings may have added challenge, the reason I fell was because I MESSED UP. I have free will I could have stood strong, but I CHOSE NOT TO. And once I admit that my failings are do to nothing but myself, I also realize that my pathway to fix is solely controlled by me. I have Bechira, free will, an internal locus of control, the way I live my life is up to me; therefore, just like I can chose to break, so too I can chose to fix. 

"אם אתה מאמין שיכולים לקלקל, תאמין שיכולים לתקן - if you believe you can break, believe you can fix".

bear wrote on 29 Dec 2017 18:30:

This post is GADLUS!

it wouldnt be a bad  idea if we come back to learning musar  in addition to all the other methods  which help us ,our recovery might increase sevenfold,(learning without atzvus)

Hi Bear.

Rav nachmans saying is If I Believe that i can be Mekalkel.  Well it is not necessary for me to believe that i can be Mekalkel. The Seforim Hakdoshim speak about that a yid has a Neshomo that is always pure, and wont ever be Mekulkel. But Rav Nachman says that if youre in such despair, and you believe this negative thoguht that your able to be Mekalkel, then you shall believ as well that you can be Metaken. but in reality there is no place for a Yid to be Mekalkel. This is my interpretation of Rav Nachman