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No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem
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TOPIC: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 36130 Views

No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 11 May 2017 22:34 #312922

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Shalom shalom,
I have been on GYE for a while (prob between 1-2 years), yet I keep on falling. This is my first time writing on the forum. I had a couple good streaks(though only one over 90) I just fell again after 39 days clean. I have been trying really hard, but I have kept on falling. My problems with the internet started in high school. I tried to stop in 12th grade, it really hurts that in a few days I will be 23 and I am still struggling. That means I have been fighting for 5-6 years and I still have not got my act together. I am really scared, I am behind enemy lines and not sure how to survive.
I could really use some Chizuk...
If any of my brothers in arms have please share.
With much thanks from an aching heart,
Bear
Last Edit: 11 May 2017 22:35 by bear.

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 11 May 2017 22:53 #312925

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bear wrote on 11 May 2017 22:34:
Shalom shalom,
I have been on GYE for a while (prob between 1-2 years), yet I keep on falling. This is my first time writing on the forum. I had a couple good streaks(though only one over 90) I just fell again after 39 days clean. I have been trying really hard, but I have kept on falling. My problems with the internet started in high school. I tried to stop in 12th grade, it really hurts that in a few days I will be 23 and I am still struggling. That means I have been fighting for 5-6 years and I still have not got my act together. I am really scared, I am behind enemy lines and not sure how to survive.
I could really use some Chizuk...
If any of my brothers in arms have please share.
With much thanks from an aching heart,
Bear

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Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 12 May 2017 02:35 #312933

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Thanks for posting!

when it comes to m*** I think it's different than other addictions in that the others you can distance yourself from the substance
may gd be with you and guide you on your way to success!

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 12 May 2017 02:40 #312934

"we have met the enemy and he is us"  -Pogo

I could have written a lot of your post at some point of my life and now as well. Hope you do well.  

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 12 May 2017 05:00 #312938

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Thanks

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 14 May 2017 22:25 #313071

I have been struggling with this over 15 years with UPS and downs, the key is to start anew every time and go to the mikva, to know that Hashem is proud if every single effort we make 
all the best 

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 15 May 2017 00:42 #313073

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Determination wrote on 14 May 2017 22:25:
I have been struggling with this over 15 years with UPS and downs, the key is to start anew every time and go to the mikva, to know that Hashem is proud if every single effort we make 
all the best 

That's the key to one's fence, and the key works, but I don't know if the fence / Taphsics does (for you)

The key to your heart is a different story and Gye will help you find it if that's what you seek

KOT

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Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 15 May 2017 05:53 #313087

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Thanks so much,
It is a good point you raised, Hashem is proud of each effort. It is not all or nothing. I did not think about that.

I also have to take the Taphsic into account. And use GYE to find the key to my heart. 

Thanks for all the support guys!!!!
It is much appreciated and needed. Thank you!!!

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 15 May 2017 08:31 #313089

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Welcome!

I feel your pain. It's not so bizarre that you're almost 23 and still struggling. Don't feel you're an exception to the norm, if that makes you feel very down about yourself. Nothing in this world's bizarre in essence. It's just reality. What is. So now, what you gonna do about it?

KOT!
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Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 18 May 2017 21:48 #313611

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Welcome!  I'm glad you took the next step.  Have you read the handbook?  Keep posting.

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 19 May 2017 04:51 #313647

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Thanks,
I have read the GYE handbook, albeit a while ago. In regards to what I am going to do about it. My short term goals will be to reread the handbook and work over my battle plans.

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 19 May 2017 10:29 #313656

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welcome 
This looks familiar, unfortunately i only came with 35, so you are 10 years ahead. 
Keep coming, looking and posting.

Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 19 May 2017 11:29 #313662

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Welcome. Wise move to start posting. You stay connected and we will iyh keep helping. Hatzlocha. We will iyh meet up there on the mountain.
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Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 19 May 2017 12:28 #313665

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 19 May 2017 11:29:
Welcome. Wise move to start posting. You stay connected and we will iyh keep helping. Hatzlocha. We will iyh meet up there on the mountain.

I'm thrilled just bein' on level ground.
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Re: No soldier left behind - Kol Yisrael Areivem 28 May 2017 06:10 #314275

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Hey Guys,
I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on one of my challenges. I think a lot of times what causes me to fall is the feeling that I am missing out. I am not proud of it, but I have spend who knows how many hours watching who knows what online, and I think this feeling is a big trigger. I generally have always been shomer; though I once danced with a girl in a bar in the city, and once held a girls hand and hugged her. But asides from these two girls I have always been shomer. At the same time I have many friends who this is not the case for. This causes me to feel like a missed out. Especially when I see friends who "partied" in high school, but after "flipped out" and are now top guys. A lot of times this make me sort of feel like I had an opportunity to go crazy, and have no repercussions. These thoughts tend to lead me to watching stuff online, to make me sort of feel like I sort of did something. A lot of my friends went to coed camps and schools and joke about all the stuff they used to do. Again, what this does is cause me to feel like I missed out, and causes me to lust. It also causes me to complain about my more yeshivish upbringing. I have friends who are not so religious, I am also in class with non-jews, and I hear all the stuff that goes on. I have a teacher who jokes about all the crazy stuff that guys do our age, and what he did when he was our age. All of this continually plagues me with feelings that i have and am missing out. These feelings have lead me to bad places. They have lead me numerous times to fall. Once even after 143 days. These thoughts have also lead me to going to bars in the city to make me feel like I sort of had some fun. These thoughts have also lead to me feeling sad, and all the depressed feelings only make me more likely to fall. I think these feelings of " i am missing out", and " i have missed out", cause me many problems.  I probably have to look at the situation in a better light. And realize, the stuff I did not do is the good stuff, and the lusting, bars, etc. is the bad stuff and these stuff are actually what causes one to miss out. 
If anyone has any advice, chizuk,or anything else to share, Please do. 
Thanks,
Bear
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