Hakolhevel wrote on 30 Dec 2020 23:47:

No it's not, it's intellect. It's a decision about what kind of person he wants to be, based on his religion and values.

Emotional would be if he made that decision based upon his being happier that way, which is not the case, because apparently he doesn't care much either way.

Grant, Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

Grant400 wrote on 31 Dec 2020 00:03:

This is a very useful distinction. As a side note living our values will likely make us happier as well.

Reb Grant, I just reread your post and I really appreciate it. One such post a day will really do me good. 

So B"H over the years I'm on GYE I have grown a lot. I went from someone who in the past watched hardcore porn on almost a daily basis and was constantly hiding, to someone who has had multiple long stretches of time clean.

I went from someone who struggled immensely with resentment and improper stress management, to someone who has mostly overcome resentment and is able to manage stress in a healthier way.

B"H my relationship with my wife has improved a lot as well. Not that we had sex often, but B"H my wife tries to be available once a week when allowed. I really appreciate her, especially after reading what some other people go through.

However I still have my Up's and Down's, and I am trying to overcome those periods as well.

Currently I'm going through a challenging time of extended abstinence due a certain condition. That alone would be hard enough. What excebrates the problem is the fact that my wife wants to be intimate. It is hard to cuddle, etc... without getting aroused. I am trying to work on it but would greatly appreciate if anyone has any advice to share.

Thank you!

Struggling now.
I woke up today in a highly aroused state. Trying to distract myself.
I so want to masturbate to just get rid of this feeling.
Hashem, please give me the power to overcome it.

lionking wrote on 01 Jan 2021 13:00:

B"H I'm ok now. A special thank you to HakolHevel for reaching out. It was greatly appreciated.
Wishing everyone a Good Shabbos!

Thanks, I'm no hero just trying to do what's right.

I'm not going to elaborate, I will just say the following. I asked a shaila and was advised on a permissible way, however that let to my latest streak of falls, since it awakened a certain lust I had avoided. (I'm not going to elaborate but his eitza wasn't any irregular positions, etc...)

I need to really tell him about my lust struggles as well in order to get a real psak. Unfortunately I don't feel ready to discuss it with him.

My wife and I have discussed this and are working on a mutually acceptable option.

The problem is usually not while we are together, it is the next morning or a day or 2 later that I struggle with it.

Thanks, Gut Shabbos!

Last night, I was overcome with an itch to masturbate. I decided to skip saying ויתן לך and מלוה מלכה and go right to sleep instead, it was 11:30 already and I was zonked. I was afraid, that once I stay up late, I might end up acting out as well. 

I've been thinking over Shabbos that perhaps I'm going about this wrong.

For years, I was mostly B"H successful in disassociating relations with my wife with lust. Sometimes I still did it lustfully, but for the most part it was done in a loving manner and with the outlook that it's a mitzvah. I'm sure there is a lot of taaveh still involved, I'm only human, however it didn't awaken in me a taaveh to forbidden lust. It was like two distinctly separate things.

Perhaps, I just need to disassociate this current situation with the fetishes I have. I need to rewire my brain that this activity between my wife and I is holy even if it resembles a fetish of mine which is from the forbidden lust. There is no reason for it to awaken in me a desire for forbidden acts.

Sorry if my ramblings don't make sense. I'm just sharing what's on my mind.

Today marks the beginning of Shovavim. I want to BL"N renew my kabala of not watching any movies or tv shows. For the most part it is not a challenge, except for this one show which I got hooked on it and it is mostly clean (some actors aren't dressed so tzenusidik, nothing worse than what's on street all year). I wouldn't have a problem with my wife watching it with me, except for the fact that she would might qfeel that ess past nisht for a chasiddishe yungerman to watch secular entertainment.

Wishing everyone a successful day.

lionking wrote on 03 Jan 2021 14:21:

I have a feeling that it was the holiest ויתן לך, and the most spiritual מלוה מלכה you ever experienced. 


Less thinking, more doing. 


100%. IMHO, if lust isn't the motivation to engage in a specific act, it makes no difference if lust would be the motivation too. Technically every part has an aspect that lust enjoys. 


Share. Share. Share. We want to. Hear. Hear. Hear.


An amazing kabbalah, harder than most people think!


What do you think? Es pas take yu?


Hey! Thanks! You too!

                             Your buddy, 

                                  Grant 

R' Grant,

Thanks. I prefer your throat ripping screaming at me posts than this one, but appreciate the gesture.

I said zemiros this morning instead.

I'm not sure about the less thinking, more doing. Some thinking is good for me.

In truth, ess past takke nisht for me to have any shaichos to secular entertainment, however if that is enough of a deterrent, than ess past nisht to want to masturbate or to look at porn as well.

p.s. I'm waiting on a new installment of your story. No pressure, just saying... Thanks!

Much hatzlacha

lionking wrote on 03 Jan 2021 14:21:

ess past nisht

Time for a new thread

Lioness is too busy with the cubs
She’s not available twice a day
Its called “pass” besalo “nisht”
The Lion must “ess” or die

Markz wrote on 03 Jan 2021 18:51:

I guess it's not mating season...

(These guys are the best)

Markz I'm afraid your off the mark this time, but I always love humor. Keep the smiles coming, you made my day!