mzl wrote on 27 Jul 2018 18:30:

Which was in response to your referrin' to him as "Mr. depressed guy," and that "if it's clinical, he might as well forget about recovery for the time bein', for ain't nothin' gonna help."

cordnoy wrote on 27 Jul 2018 19:01:

Yep. One can live with addiction, but someone who is clinically depressed sometimes doesn't go on living at all. Since obviously most people don't know this, people who know have to say it.

But the prognosis for depression is excellent. For that there is a cure.

I'm not depressed. The people who know me and interact with me on a daily basis feel that way too. Sometimes I get slightly down due to different events. Just regular ebbs and flows of real life.

Have a good shabbos!

lionking wrote on 27 Jul 2018 22:52:

Does text count as interaction?

Markz wrote on 27 Jul 2018 22:59:

Sorry, forgot to ask the Doc's opinion. 
Do you feel I am depressed?

lionking wrote on 27 Jul 2018 23:23:

My opinion:

1. I'm not a doc. And I don't wanna be
2. You are not depressed 

Just take your meds and you'll be fine



Ok, just kidding
Get to the Gym and you'll feel fine. And if not, you know what to do next :-)

lionking wrote on 27 Jul 2018 22:52:

Good for you.

You just need to attack your sex addiction then.

Markz wrote on 29 Jul 2018 02:13:

I think I might be suppressed. I wanted to be a Doc.

Remind me again, what I should do next? Was that bike riding?!

Today was a good day.

I started working on a long overdue project.
I fixed something around the house.
I helped out at home with the kids.
I straightened up the house and prepared supper.

I am grateful for the fact that the weather was nice.
I am grateful to my wife, for taking the kids to the park and giving me 2 hours respite.

Hatzlocha Rabba everyone!

Edit:
Ok, not the greatest. I fell asleep during bedtime and left the rest to my wife to deal with.
Woke up grumpy and lost it with one of my kids. Need to be more patient with them. 

Things to work on...

This is something  I love about this place : Guys come here doing pretty messed up stuff , with major issues , and than as they slowly work on themselves little by little , suddenly their analyzing little things determining  If their  being the best possible husband ...awesome

I'm far from working on myself. And definitely far from from being a decent husband. 

The few things I have learned over the years is the following:
Working on my lust issues, is not going to work. I cannot focus on stopping, or not lusting. (Ex. Thinking about the pink elephant...)
Large major goals, are not attainable. They only cause me to fall.
I need to work on actually living life, and appreciating all the small great stuff I got to be thankful for.

Today wasn't so great.

Got up 2 hours late. Barely davened Shachris. Stuck an extra hour on train due to some delays. Looked once too many on the people onboard. B"H was able to somewhat distract myself. Feeling restless all day, and not focusing at work. I'm working but my mind is not there.
I need to work now for the next hour to an hour and a half, on a mostly unfiltered computer. Commiting BL"N to donate $50 for any none work related browsing. Including this site. 

Signing off now for the time being...

I slipped a little last night. (Ok, be honest. It was a little more than a little slip).

A great fellow allowed me to rant a little. I'm greatly appreciative of him donating his time to offer me a sympathetic ear. Shout out to the Eskimo! (You know who you are...)

I'm going to renew my above kaballah BL"N for the entire day today except for 2 sites, which aren't work related, but I need to do for my household purposes.

Hatzlocha Rabba!

"insanity is not a state of the mind, it is the journey to that state"

I fell again this morning. Seems to be a once weekly event unfortunately now.

I still don't feel than I am powerless over this struggle. I just feel that I haven't tried hard enough. I might be deluding myself.
Going to try another time with some tweaks to my life.

I haven't posted on my thread for a while. B"H those tweaks are helping. I passed the 2 week mark. I need to keep fine-tuning the engine for optimal performance.

Big picture goal now is to get out of isolation.