I am a 20 year old Bochur in a prominent yeshiva. I am part of an online college and I run an online business so there I need for the internet. But at times when using the internet I don't use it for the soul purpose of doing my college work or business rather I will get distracted where I lose control and and fall into this foreign hole. I act weird afterwords usually and my family understands something is bothering me but I cannot express it. My problem centers around hearing curious words and trying to find out what they mean all the while understanding where they may lead. My main issue is youtube, even though I have a webchaver, youtube is not reported.and I will usually fall into a youtube "hole" when I click on one thing. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Every time I think I am free for a period of time it strikes again. I will say I have never viewed pornography outright rather I would watch bad movies on youtube or game walkthroughs that I was curious about all the while knowing they were less than kosher. The internet is endless so I will find trouble on places like twitter as well while convincing myself I was just checking the New York Mets twitter. Webchaver is definitely great, I definitely would be worse but I need to fill in those loopholes I was reading about on the GTE website. I look forward to working together with the others in the task of making our eyes holy.

Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 23 Apr 2017 14:22:

Welcome chavrusa

What does your Rosh say about all this?

I would never tell him. Would you? I am a very frum person as well as like when people think high of me so I would be terribly embarrassed. That is why I think GYE can help me due to it's anonymity. 

Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 23 Apr 2017 15:02:

If you keep on posting daily, then yes the anon can help you...

I will finish off the sentence after you post for 2 months....

In all likelyhood the hood under your truck will it figure out too ;-)

Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 23 Apr 2017 15:02:

II told my Rosh yeshiva.

Different strokes for different folks. By the way that is probably the right thing and I am impressed.

I hope You lick it before you have disclose it to anybody, unfortunately many here did not have a choice, I also hid it for years, till I had no choice.

good luck

Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 23 Apr 2017 14:22:

Welcome to the forum and hatzlacha! Not trying to pressure you into telling anybody if you're not ready, but interestingly enough, I just heard this story an hour ago, I think it might be in yesterday's daf. It was about the אמורה who when he was really old, picked up a ladder that would usually take 10 men to pick up, brought it to a for leading up to the attic where there were some girls. Halfway up the ladder he started screaming, "fire! Fire!" When ppl came running, his students were shocked to see where he was and told him, רבי, aren't you embarrassed to be caught like that? Why would you make this a public matter? He replied "better to be embarrassed in this world for an entire lifetime than in the next world for a second". Sorry for the fuzzy details, if somebody wants to fill out the details, that would be great.

Point is, if an amora had such a strong desire, nobody should look down on you for feeling the same way.

In either case, would it help you at all if you'd commit (for a two week trial period if necessary) to posting on your thread over here every time you went on Twitter or YouTube?

All the best
BB

Welcome!  I hope we are not coming off too tough, but I think a turning point in recovery for many of us was a real person knowing about our hidden life and our struggles.  Many of us never told anyone until we were forced to (like a wife finding out, as in my case).  Everyone has a different path and a different pace, but at some point, opening up to a real person becomes necessary.  It doesn't have to be your rosh yeshiva.  Although, anyone in that position that doesn't know that this machalah is rampant and can affect anyone, probably doesn't belong in that position, for his head is deeply buried in the sand.

Keep posting.  Read the handbook.  We're here to help.  We know what you are going through.

also, you may want to check out the dov quotes link in my signature.  especially, the first post about captain kirk.

I appreciate you reaching out but you must understand, stuff you mention in your article is so far off from me. I have never watched straight out porn or masturbated. I have issues with the internet but to such extremes? Rachmana Litzlan.

Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 25 Apr 2017 00:30:

So, if you tell your chavrusah that you click on the news that has a female weatherman (bi-gender), he might think you're from a different planet.

And I do hope that God listens to your prayers.

There is no issue with not telling people for myself. I just want to make sure that I don't mess up again and therefore I decided to try out GYE.

Welcome and I hope you find the help you're looking for. I think you'll find that most people here are dealing with porn and masturbation issues. Maybe others can correct me if I'm wrong about that. If the case is in fact as I believe it to be perhaps it could be worse for you to be in an environment like this. Just thinking about it. I usually try not to think  but sometimes I can't help it. Then again a number of people come here claiming they don't ever watch porn or masturbate only to later admit that they do that and other things.  Anyways, Hatzlacha.

Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 25 Apr 2017 00:30: