mikestruggling wrote on 17 May 2017 23:13:

I know what it's like

Some may suggest that you follow their lead and not exercise, so that such calamities don't happen

Now very quietly fetch your guitar sit outside on the curb and start strumming a carlebach niggun to the words "GEVALD UN GESHRIGGEN". 
Any local members that hear you will be glad to join you. 

If a cop pulls up, you can ask him innocently "have you heard of gye..."

i am gonna daven and i may actually hum or think (don't wanna wake up my eishes chayil [hey another song]) of a song with gevald un geshriggen
hopefuly i'll post tomorrow that i pulled thru
all the best
p.s. if  sit on the curb i'm afraid your gonna tow me away

mikestruggling wrote on 17 May 2017 23:13:

Please tell us what exactly to daven for (and let's disregard those mefarshim who say that one cannot daven for another's bechirah).

You need to record the song and post it here. Maybe you can be the next Uri. 

Mike, look how many guys really care and are here to help. Stay connected, and soon you will be helping others too.

a personal thank you to all those who reached out
Hashem should repay you with hatzlacha in every way
I'm sorry to let you guys down right now i'm in the dumps
(call the dump truck)
i'm gonna get up again everything is possible its a matter of will and tools
even though SA did trigger me slightly i think it is a good idea 
my main problem was that i couldn't fall aseep
bli'n were gonna look for melatonin
thanx again everyone
keep up the great work

Hatzlacha in SA. I'm very biased, but I love the place.

It's hard when a source of recovery is also triggering. I have come to learn that just because something is triggering for me, doesn't mean it's not good for me. SA can be triggering from time to time, but that's fine. I gain from it a lot. Also, when things are triggering, it usually means there is something inside me that needs to be worked on. For example, I used to get all worked up when people spoke in Hebrew or Yiddish or Yeshivish at meetings. (In my home group we only speak in English even though we are 95% frum guys. Ex: "Sabbath" not "Shabbos.") I would get really pissed off. I felt marginalized and unsafe. I screwed up religion so badly that I traumatized myself about it. It took a lot of work for me to come to a "God of My Understanding" because my conception was seriously flawed. (I once heard a guy in Lakewood refer to God as Ribono Shel Olam, I was seething). But I began to realize that it was all my sh*t. It was me who was the problem. The people who talk in that way aren't trying to hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable. It's just their vernacular. My former Sponsor put it this way: If I went to meetings that had a large population of Hispanic people, I would probably hear some Spanish at the meeting. So why doesn't that bother me and this does? Very gradually I began to learn the truth in that and accept it. I still am not 100% serene about it, but I am much better at staying calm. I went to some meetings in Lakewood where there was a lot of this talk going on and I was completely ok. My point is that many times getting exposed to triggering things (maybe not sexually triggering though) can actually aid my recovery and improve my serenity, at least in the long run and if I work my program.

Shlomo24 wrote on 18 May 2017 14:25:

Great stuff. Great attitude. Sounds like you are gaining a ton at the meetings and with your sponsor. A real workout in understanding yourself has gotta help in sobriety and life in general. Also, you may not realize it but your humbleness in listening to others and accepting your flaws is a strength of yours. 

Markz wrote on 17 May 2017 23:25:

I love your style Markz!

mikestruggling wrote on 18 May 2017 08:39:

The White Book talks about how people might find mixed meetings triggering at first but in long term it's healthy for recovery, (not sure if this addresses your concern but I thought I just might put it out there)

yiraishamaim wrote on 18 May 2017 14:59:

There's a word for it. It's called "flawesome." Someone who owns up to his flaws and is awesome because of it. (I'm patting my self on the back right now, but I love the word and I had to share it).

hi guys its been a couple of days i'm doing pretty good bh still getting anxious no i did not find melatonin i forgot (sorry)
shlomo24 thanx for your share about SA i was actually planning on saying riboinoy shel oilam for i felt that its the truth and maybe also to prove a point but i now see it may bother someone so i'll stick to the rules.
i went to a second meeting i'm liking the meetings slowly working on first step i'm allowing myself to see more how much my addiction rules over me its enlightening. ilemolei Hakadosh Baruch Hu oizer loi AINOI YACHOL LOI

Ok. So I reviewed this thread now. What happened since May of last year?
Is there another thread someplace?

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