hi yakov or whoever will read this.

​i grew up in an abusive atmosphere my mother would beat me, i was bullied in school and one of my rebbeim picked on me and got my whole class to laugh at me. i was in therapy for the resulting problems for quite some time. i still see a therapist from time to time. at one point for two years i was taking meds a generic for Zoloft. that's my emotional history.

as for the kedusha problems I've been masturbating now for 13 yrs.. i have spoken to numerous rebeim who tried to help me along the way. they weren't really equipped to deal with me. eventually i discovered porn but baruch hashem i always had limited access. i still have relapses in porn which are hard to get out of. i'm now married bh and i have a daughter bli ayin hora. please help

not sure how you'll contact me my email is mikefineroth@gmail.com (not my name and i don't know anyone with that name)

hope we'll finally break free

Welcome brother

Sorry to hear your troubled times

You arrived in the right place 

Let the good times begin
Come On Trucking!!!

Welcome,

Sorry to hear about all that.

We all read the posts.

Welcome to the community.

Your road to recovery should be paved with hatzlachah.

Welcome. You came to a good place. Sorry to hear about your difficulties. People who were in similar and worse situations have recovered, so there's hope.

Hatzlacha Rabah.

Welcome,
I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties as a child. you have come to a good place
​Good luck on this meritorious journey. 

Welcome!  It's nice to have you with us.  Keep posting.  We are here for you.

Welcome.

Porn and masturbation are for me stress relief and a "High" which offers an alternative to the low of depression.
A false high.
I tend not to use them when I feel OK.

Is it the same for you?

generally not always it can come off of triggers as well even when i'm happy

mikestruggling wrote on 16 Mar 2017 03:00:

Good honesty.

Welcome! May you have much brocha and hatzlocha for taking bolder steps.

Welcome 

Recovery should be with hatzlacha

My triggers are 99% when I am unhappy.

It is hard for me to give advice for people who struggle when happy.

My guess is a Dopamine addiction?
That substance which the brain craves when we are exposed to porn, which porn triggers.

It is a hard fight to cure it.

I think the main battle is to be aware of when one is feelign like masturbating, one can feel a sort of aexcited rush in the body.

If one give sin and even looks at porn and masturbates a little, one can feel the dopamine release in the brain.

Somehow one has to beat that urge.

I guess by doing some other activity...walk outside in the fresh air, read a book, phone a friend and see how you can help then with their troubles?

Welcome to GYE. As I am sure you have noticed, there are many people here who really care and want to help you break free. Iyh if you stay with the oilam you will see success. As far as dopamine release, exercise releases dopamine and other mind calming secretions. It's healthy for the body and mind. In the beginning we all experience withdrawal from our m***** drug. Its a real challenge but you can overcome it. When you are ready, find someone here at GYE that you can trust and reach out for help. It really helps. May Hashem give you much help in your journey to recovery. Keep posting.

I think there's a misconception about dopamine. Dopamine is the hormone that induces craving. It's the hormone that will tell me that I'm going to feel pleasure soon. But it's not a pleasure hormone. Serotonin is the main pleasure hormone. So unless you really enjoy working out, there won't be dopamine. Sorry for the all the science. A bit of a nerd here.

To be scientifically correct, there is a whole family of secretions called endorphins......  Putting aside whatever the names are, exercise, friendship, and mindfullness help put "things" in your brain that put you at ease and make you feel good. Hatzlocha to all.

thank you everyone for replying its heartwarming to see so much chizzuk and of course to know that i'm not alone

the last couple of days weren't the best but i feel like this website has given me a new lease on life

whenever i'm down i can connect with all you guys thanx once again