Is that why you chose that name 

No, I just joined on Erev YK and couldn't think of anything else...

I hear all of what you're saying. I'm not looking for what the outside trigger. I don't think there is one. It's an urge that I live with and need to control. 

I work from home on my own schedule. It's a tough situation when there's flexibility to go and do anything I want during the day when the wife is at work and the kids are in school. 

Its all about self control for me. If I force my self to work, ignore the longing in my body then I make it through. But if I allow myself to start checking out provider sites either I end up going or relieving the urge myself so I don't go. 

riskbh542

I may be wrong, but I respectfully say that you have almost no shot. When I am at home alone my urge is insane. Sometimes I have to force myself to go in just so I'm not alone. I think in your case it sounds like your not necessarily always getting triggered from the outside, but you are unfortunately putting yourself in a nearly impossible situation to consistently overcome. I advise you, please, find a way to work more around people. Us vs. YH, YH will win most of the time.

It is what it is - this is the nature of my work. I have found ways to protect myself and as of late it's working. Do I trust myself completely? Hells no. But it's a work in progress. 

Thanks YK And Riskbh542 for your honest shares.

I can say what works for me. I also work on a computer alone, and used to (and can still) act out on it on almost a daily basis.

however Hashem has granted me a gift of one day at a time, that I have not acted out for 597 days. So I will write what works for me. (Please be aware I am in SA. however I becaome sober on this website on 2/25/2015 and BH am still sober since then).

1. is One day at a time. I work for today. today I will do whatever it takes-without limits, to stay clean and sober. I cant stay clean today for yesterday and cant stay clean today for tomorrow. I can stay clean today only for today.

2. I reach out to another fellow struggler whenever I am triggered. I share with him my struggle openly. this helps that the urge does not over through me. As they say we are only as sick as our secrets.

3. I surrender ,y desires to hashem. I will say: hashem I admit I cannot do this on my own, and I know you can help me stay clean, please help me stay clean. I can sometimes say, I surrender my right to lust after this...

this is stuff that I have done before I went into sa. after I started going to sa, I got even more.

Hatzlacha

Okay. I wish you lots of luck and will keep you in mind during Davening. 

lomed,

That was awesome. I will try those tips.

Thank you.

Lomed, YK5777 admitted that he had YH on YK. His rav said there isn't one but "on Wednesday, i was like, I beg to differ..." 

so YK5777 gets that for is there are no days with no YH

So there's been a lot of theorizing going on here. My opinion? It doesn't really help. Sorry to burst any bubbles, but I don't know many people that got success by thinking intellectually. If it was an intellectual problem then maybe an intellectual solution would help. But it's not. Therapy may be very useful and helpful in getting to know one's self, but an anonymous forum of other strugglers is hardly therapy. It's decent for support and it's a step in the right direction. The handbook and the 12 steps outline a plan of action. I have found that without change nothing progresses for the better. I'm sure we have all thought long and hard before coming here. But yet we are here, if it didn't help in the past it's probably not going to help in the future. A suggestion for the newcomer, and me, is to sit and LISTEN. Lord knows I talk too much, especially when I just joined the recovery process. 

Hatzlacha to all.

yomkippur5777 wrote on 14 Oct 2016 17:53:

You sound like a great guy

Please keep me posted

Im interested to know if your outlooks of being aware of triggers
(shlomo24 pls stop textin me as I write this  - I'm losing focus)

I'd like an update please the day before Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan
itll be

YomKippur Katan 

Welcome back!  You probably already know this, but seeking pleasures outside marriage (porn, masturbation, etc.) reduces the excitement we get from our wives.  It's a cycle.  It will hurt like hell at first, but stopping all the outside stuff is essential in order to get pleasure from your marital relationship.

A lot of people "blame" their wives for their need to seek pleasure elsewhere, but for many, the reason they are not fulfilled from their wives is because of all the "extra curricular" stuff in the first place.

Check out  dov quotes and dr sorotzkin link in my signature.

gibbor120 wrote on 14 Oct 2016 19:49:

Very well said. I was going to post about it but I didn't think I knew enough about the situation. But now that it's said, yay! 

Belated welcome, but I have a feeling I'm too late.

Just read entire thread and what comes to mind is what I recently heard from Harvey at the workshop "we're not evil becoming good, we're sick becoming well". Now he was talking to a room full of addicts so in that room evil doesn't exist and there's no point in talking of YH because we're not evil, we're sick.

The point I'm trying to make is that one needs to be brutally honest with himself whether he's addicted or not before deciding on course of action because what might work for fighting evil will never work for healing a sickness.

Hope I made some sense there.