Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm divorced & since the beginning of the separation, I'm struggling with shmiras einayin & shmiras habris. At times, I feel like I'm making a bit of progress, but I haven't been keeping the progress. Right now I'm looking for help in getting out of the struggle.

Welcome

Real sorry to hear what you're going thru

Guardyoureyes GPS is in my signature below. Hope you find your way

Welcome and good yomtif!

Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear about your divorce.  Can you share more?  Is your divorce the result of your acting out?  How long have you been struggling?  In what ways?

Thanks for the replies, and yeah, I haven't responded in a while...

It's taken many months got me to figure out how to get my phone filtered in an effective way. Finally, last week out finally seems to have worked out. I was getting around allI the filters from TAG, but they just added a whitelist, along with an application update for the filter & it seems to have done the trick. And the whitelist auto included this site!
 To answer your questions:

Can you share more? 
Yup
Is your divorce the result of your acting out?
No, that was never a issue during the marriage b"h
How long have you been struggling? 
Since a few months after we were separated. I was upset (to put it mildly) that my ex wanted a "temporary" separation (which ended up being permanent) and started looking at porn as some sort of revenge. The revenge factor is long since gone, but I awoke a sleeping monster.

In what ways?
Objectifying women, looking at porn, motzi zera lvatala. What else? It caused all sorts of issues, stayed up chasing fleeting fantasies in my phone and woke up late. Because of that I lost lots of money and got yelled at plenty of times due to missing work or coming late to work.

bb0212 wrote on 29 Jan 2017 08:26:

Getting fired from a Job... losing your marriage... that's hell

Sounds like depression is an underlying issue. Have you dealt with it for example with therapy

Perhaps I wasn't clear. She asked for a divorce, but that had nothing to do with me looking at anything inappropriate. As long as we were together I was clean and loyal to her. But we got divorced because she wanted to. Not exactly sure why.

BH I still have my job. I didn't make money that I needed because I woke up late a number of times.

1 million percent depression was the issue. Dealt with it, therapy and all that stuff. BH I'm doing great now, despite what life threw at me.

It should be with continued hatzlachah.

Sounds like you BH got a handle on things pretty quickly. You are fortunate! Keep us updated with your progress. Everyone who tries to move forward is an inspiration for the whole oilam.

bb0212 wrote on 01 Feb 2017 06:24:

Happy to hear that! Hashem should help it should only continue getting better!

Not sure that "quickly" is the correct word - it's all relative. I wrote the short version of my story.

In either case, I really hope things change now when it comes to shmiras habris. It's been years now that I haven't really held back. There's a (very) short list of things that I want to be in place before dating again. Shmiras habris is one of them. Bh in my previous marriage, I never fell, in 5 years or so. There were a couple of falls during my engagement. Before that I had a long clean time as well, like a year or two. I have a lot of hope now with these forums. Looking forward to 90 days and more!

Welcome bb02012.

I am not surprised that you are struggling.

You had regular sex and female companionship inside your marriage, now you do not.
So there is a physical and emotional vacuum to be filled.


Way wait until you sort out your Shmirat Ha Brit problems for looking for a new wife?
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.
May Hashem grant you a new wife speedily.

In the meantime, hope this Forum helps.
And filling time with constructive activity can help too.

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:

Personally I could not disagree more.

I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. Do you have a good support system? Family, friends, Rav, mentor, etc?

Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.