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TOPIC: Hi from bb0212 8096 Views

Hi from bb0212 02 Oct 2016 15:47 #295820

  • bb0212
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Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm divorced & since the beginning of the separation, I'm struggling with shmiras einayin & shmiras habris. At times, I feel like I'm making a bit of progress, but I haven't been keeping the progress. Right now I'm looking for help in getting out of the struggle.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 13 Feb 2017 08:05 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 02 Oct 2016 15:58 #295821

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Welcome

Real sorry to hear what you're going thru

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Re: Hi 02 Oct 2016 17:01 #295822

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Welcome and good yomtif!
Much Hatzlacha!

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--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
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Re: Hi 14 Oct 2016 20:10 #296462

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Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear about your divorce.  Can you share more?  Is your divorce the result of your acting out?  How long have you been struggling?  In what ways?

Re: Hi 29 Jan 2017 08:26 #304507

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Thanks for the replies, and yeah, I haven't responded in a while...

It's taken many months got me to figure out how to get my phone filtered in an effective way. Finally, last week out finally seems to have worked out. I was getting around allI the filters from TAG, but they just added a whitelist, along with an application update for the filter & it seems to have done the trick. And the whitelist auto included this site!
 To answer your questions:

Can you share more? 
Yup
Is your divorce the result of your acting out?
No, that was never a issue during the marriage b"h
How long have you been struggling? 
Since a few months after we were separated. I was upset (to put it mildly) that my ex wanted a "temporary" separation (which ended up being permanent) and started looking at porn as some sort of revenge. The revenge factor is long since gone, but I awoke a sleeping monster.

In what ways?
Objectifying women, looking at porn, motzi zera lvatala. What else? It caused all sorts of issues, stayed up chasing fleeting fantasies in my phone and woke up late. Because of that I lost lots of money and got yelled at plenty of times due to missing work or coming late to work.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 02 Feb 2017 04:55 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 29 Jan 2017 15:42 #304524

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bb0212 wrote on 29 Jan 2017 08:26:
Thanks for the replies, and yeah, I haven't responded in a while...

It's taken many months got me to figure out how to get my phone filtered in an effective way. Finally, last week out finally seems to have worked out. I was getting around allI the filters from TAG, but they just added a whitelist, along with an application update for the filter & it seems to have done the trick. And the whitelist auto included this site!
 To answer your questions:

Can you share more? 
Yup
Is your divorce the result of your acting out?
No, that was never a issue during the marriage b"h
How long have you been struggling? 
Since a few months after we were separated. I was upset (to put it mildly) that my ex wanted a "temporary" separation (which ended up being permanent) and started looking at porn as some sort of revenge. The revenge factor is long since gone, but I awoke a sleeping monster.

In what ways?
Objectifying women, looking at porn, motzi zera lvatala. What else? It caused all sorts of issues, stayed up chasing fleeting fantasies in my phone and woke up late. Because of that I lost lots of money and got yelled at plenty of times due to missing work or coming late to work.

Getting fired from a Job... losing your marriage... that's hell

Sounds like depression is an underlying issue. Have you dealt with it for example with therapy
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Last Edit: 03 Feb 2017 17:41 by Markz.

Re: Hi 01 Feb 2017 06:24 #304728

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Perhaps I wasn't clear. She asked for a divorce, but that had nothing to do with me looking at anything inappropriate. As long as we were together I was clean and loyal to her. But we got divorced because she wanted to. Not exactly sure why.

BH I still have my job. I didn't make money that I needed because I woke up late a number of times.

1 million percent depression was the issue. Dealt with it, therapy and all that stuff. BH I'm doing great now, despite what life threw at me.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 02 Feb 2017 04:53 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 01 Feb 2017 06:52 #304729

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It should be with continued hatzlachah.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
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"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

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Re: Hi 01 Feb 2017 12:20 #304731

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Sounds like you BH got a handle on things pretty quickly. You are fortunate! Keep us updated with your progress. Everyone who tries to move forward is an inspiration for the whole oilam.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

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Re: Hi 01 Feb 2017 18:39 #304752

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bb0212 wrote on 01 Feb 2017 06:24:
Perhaps I wasn't clear. She asked for a divorce, but that had nothing to do with me looking at anything inappropriate. As long as we were together I was clean and loyal to her. She was the one that was caught looking at porn. But we got divorced because she wanted to. Not exactly sure why.

BH I still have my job. I didn't make money that I needed because I woke up late a number of times.

1 million percent depression was the issue. Dealt with it, therapy and all that stuff. BH I'm doing great now, despite what life threw at me.

Happy to hear that! Hashem should help it should only continue getting better!
You're better than yesterday but not as good as you're gonna be tomorrow. - Harvey

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Re: Hi 02 Feb 2017 04:52 #304796

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Not sure that "quickly" is the correct word - it's all relative. I wrote the short version of my story.

In either case, I really hope things change now when it comes to shmiras habris. It's been years now that I haven't really held back. There's a (very) short list of things that I want to be in place before dating again. Shmiras habris is one of them. Bh in my previous marriage, I never fell, in 5 years or so. There were a couple of falls during my engagement. Before that I had a long clean time as well, like a year or two. I have a lot of hope now with these forums. Looking forward to 90 days and more!
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 02 Feb 2017 05:03 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 02 Feb 2017 23:28 #304838

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Welcome bb02012.

I am not surprised that you are struggling.

You had regular sex and female companionship inside your marriage, now you do not.
So there is a physical and emotional vacuum to be filled.


Way wait until you sort out your Shmirat Ha Brit problems for looking for a new wife?
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.
May Hashem grant you a new wife speedily.

In the meantime, hope this Forum helps.
And filling time with constructive activity can help too.
Last Edit: 02 Feb 2017 23:28 by ColinColin.

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 00:21 #304839

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ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.

Personally I could not disagree more.

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 00:23 #304840

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I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. Do you have a good support system? Family, friends, Rav, mentor, etc?

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 01:17 #304842

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Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.


Personally I could not disagree more.

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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