I am 30 years old, married with children.  I have had a foot and hand fetish from around 4 years old which also led to other things like enjoying being dominated by a woman.  From 13 to 22 I was addicted to masturbating, mainly from images and videos on the net.  And I also went to dungeons and foot mistresses quite often which was so hard to give up.  I was clean for close to 2 years before I got married.  Although I hadn't masturbated, I would still spend time here and there looking at images and pics online.  My wife caught me 2x.  From 24 until just yesterday (7/27/16) I was clean from browsing the net.  Thats 6 years clean.  Yesterday I dont know what caused me to do it but I went on a Facebook group and saw images and I got pulled in for a few minutes.  I then called TAG to filter the computer.  But I just can't believe I fell after so many years.  I am very upset at myself but trying my hardest not to get depressed and not let the yetzer get me to do any more.  I realized how I am still not strong enough and can use chizuk, which is why I joined here. and to also see if there is anyone else that has my issues.

Welcome. Wow 6 years clean w/o needing gye!! How did you do that??

Thank you

A lot of praying 

I also did hypnosis once from a frum therapist.  Im not sure how much that worked bc my desire is still burning hot, but I guess it helped bc I just haven't acted on that desire other than with my wife. 

Kol Hakavod that you caught yourself so quickly and filtered the computer. 

Perhaps you should take the time to sit and think through what caused you to fall (I know you say that you don't know what caused you, but perhaps if you think more you can identify things. ) 

Perhaps also review to yourself at length why it is that you stopped all these years and how important it is too stay clean. It might be the best investment of your time that you can make at this time. 

Most peope say that learning mussar doesn't help, but perhaps in your situation it might be a good idea before you start to fall backwards again., 

Hatzlacha 

Thanks

Just to be clear I didn't masturbate.  I was looking at images for a few minutes.  Of course its still horrible.

It's amazing that you recognized where a quick look can lead so quickly.
Are you thinking that it's time to take another step in recovery?
Can you share with us the methods you used to get sober for so long?

Welcome! That's amazing that you held on for so long, and that this one fall brought you here where you can find many more effective tools to grow. That's definitely what I would call "falling up"

Welcome. Yasher Koach on posting. Good for you. This reminds me of a sponsor of mine who hadn't masturbated in years, but he was watching porn all the time. Meaning, that just because it's not masturbation doesn't mean it's not painful. I think that the fact that it happened after 6 years must be very shocking also. I know that the longer I'm sober, the more gut-wrenching acting out is. I think I relate on some level. But 6 years is nothing to sneeze at, and hopefully you will find tools and chizzuk so you can look back and this will be nothing more than an awakening hiccup. 

Hatzlacha.

Not really sure exactly what it was.  I prayed hard and Hashem gave me the Willpower.

I overcame a few excruciating tests which may have given me the ability to overcome more challenges.  One was when I made an appointment to visit a foot mistress and when I got to the door I started battling with myself.  Finally I said "I'm doing this for you Hashem" and then I ran away as fast as I could.

I guess my wife has a lot to do with me not looking.  After being caught 2x I just said its enough already and I didn't want this to get out of hand so I just decided to myself to completely stop.

But I sneaked a peek for a few minutes yesterday which is really bothersome. 

Welcome to the fam'! 

6yrs.!!! That's awesome!!! I read of a Rabbi that once said (though it was in a very different circumstance) "this too is for good". 

I don't know your situation, but I know for me, what I see when I leave my home, has the greatest influence on my struggle. From my experience, and examining myself, that is really were the battle lies. Guarding ourselves from looking out of the window at what is forbidden to us.

Keep going strong!!! The yetzer hara isn't Hashem's voice. 

Welcome and thanks for sharing with us.

I have a bit of a fetish myself.
What I have learned is that the fetish isn't the issue, the lust is.
That sense of arousal is what I'm addicted to.

B"H I'm sober over 7 years.
I still get thoughts that I should look for pictures or videos of something new.  Not my fetish, just something that the Y"H tells me would be fun to check out.
A few keystrokes and I can be looking at it.
I know too well that it wouldn't end there.
Once I open the floodgates, I will once again be out of control.
It wouldn't stop until I went back to my favorite fetish and released the tension.

There are lots of little tests along the way.  A flash of something inappropriate on a mainstream website.  I use Google image blocker which blocks all images at new websites until I allow either the individual image, the page, or the website.  This goes a long way when I'm on the computer.
Walking around is another story.  I do a lot of looking away and sometimes just closing my eyes.

Glad you were able to stop.  Really glad you posted.

Fallup11

Honestly, if I was you, I would congratulate myself.

You have the strength of mind to recognise when you are in a dangerous situation, and to know how to get out of it, and you actually got out of it!

I think rather than feeling bad for falling, look at this as a test which you passed.

I am not a therapist, but my guess is the fetish is linked to a feeling of freedom...of being free from responsibility while you are absorbed in the fetish?

If there is another activity which is "Kosher" which can do this for you...maybe music or walking or painting...then maybe try that?

Welcome!  you were clean 6 years.  That is amazing!  You seem to know what to do, and now you see how easy it is to fall if you let your guard down.  Thank you so much for sharing.

welcome I was clean for 2 years and then I started slipping here and there.
what I find us that there are still inner frustrations that I need to deal with and discuss with someone.
at the same time i recognize that I'm a real addict so I don't feel bad that I want to look at porn, that's the way it's going to stay at least for the next long while. 
so what I'm doing is the 12 steps and asking hashem for help. even for the smallest turn-ons
people in the streets, for looking at my wife the proper way, for the thoughts that enter my mind. 
I'm trying to make the addiction irrelevant. meaning that when I want to look I ask hashem for help and think about what am I trying to cover up.

My sponsor tells me all the time that when he is lusting, he views it as a tap on the shoulder from God who is saying "Zevi, I want you to connect to me now." He views it as a sign of love. I'm not there yet, but I thought it was relevant.