gyeuser444 wrote on 03 Jun 2016 11:09:

I am pretty junior here so feel free to just disregard me. It does seem to me though that this site is not about a big hug of solidarity for compulsive porn users. Its about growing and changing. So I needed to be told that diving into learning and davening and mussar for three months then falling again and again and repeating the cycle is not recovery (duh). I got some  sharp criticism from Markz about something I said once on an email. At first I was happy to think "what a jerk" and ignore him but moved to thinking about what he said and accepting it. And I am grateful for the opportunity to learn to accept criticism, appreciate the criticizer, and still be content with myself. That in itself is a huge learning curve for me (all three).
Maybe at times it is sharp. Maybe thats what we need to grow. But its definitely very much in the name of    love. ( I never met Markz or spoke to him directly but I'm sure he cares) Not only that but I think to the discerning eye its easy to see that. Just gotta be willing to be discerning. 

I've regressed, and my BAD WORD REMOVEDa doesn't seem to have held up. Though I believe regressing is a because of a choice I've made, now or sometime in the past, it seems almost impossible to get out of it. I've come to realize that my aversion to strong words that hint criticism seem to emanate from denial of my own guilt, or at least a realistic view of where I'm holding in life. Opening up about this issue to others away from anonymity, if utilized properly, may be a legitimate way to help, far from a perpetuation codependency. Because I realize that hiding from this has probably been the cause of most of my tzaros, and I've hurt people along the way. Using language can sometimes have a justification.

I'm embarrassed about the above, and am afraid I have hurt Dov (the butt of most of my disapproval) unnecessarily, and excessively, and I cast against him aspersions I have no proof for, which really point back at me, and would like to ask mechila for this.

I'm embarrassed to say that much more than an admission of guilt this is a cry for help.

gyeuser444 wrote on 21 Jul 2016 11:11:

dear brother
I understood that right in the first place, I have seen it alot! as the saying goes ''hurt people hurt people'' I have seen people criticise institutions kehillos rabbonim etc when the truth was that they were just trying to be covering up their own problems.....
anyway you are as all of us welcome to get help bezrat hashem. we will all try our best to help
hatzlocoho rabba

gyeuser444 wrote on 21 Jul 2016 11:11:

Chaver, the last line of your post said that it is a cry for help.

I tried to understand the post, but I could not, even after reading all of your various posts as well as your exchange with the oilam here.

Leave Dov aside. Anyone who knows him knows that he couldn't care less what anyone thinks about him. (If he starts to care, he senses that his ego has risen and takes care of it G-d's way.)

When you write that "your **** doesn't seem to have held up." What do you mean? Are you referring to  ideas such as your long Torah-filled post about נוק' דקליפה and the like? And does not holding up refer to acting out?

Regressed in what sense? Acting out? If so? What does acting out mean for you? Drinking in the women on the street? Viewing porn? Masturbation? 

We'd all love to help and be here for you, but it's hard to understand your post. It is megaleh tefach, but mechaseh tefachayim. 

gyeuser444 wrote on 21 Jul 2016 11:11:

Welcome back.

Heck of a post.

Looking forward.

Don't worry about Dov.

B'hatzlachah on your recovery journey.
We are here if you need us.

Gyeuser444 if I was in your shoes and wanted to return to gye and save my face I would've considered to register under a different name so no one would see my dark sides
Thats something you should be commended for!!!!
Coming back with great honesty and really jumping into the team with us and Cordnoy leading the pack!

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!

serius 

I completely agree with what mark wrote.

Super impressive move.

Welcome back.