Hi all, my name is betterman.  I have been struggling with SSA plus po** and mas***bation for a few years. 
I actually acted out, and it got me into trouble, I started going to a life coach. He sometimes helps.
I would like to be a better person.

I was born christian. My parents found  out where Xmas comes from, and we wound up in a messianic congregation. We left after 4-5 years, and wound up in a Chabad. We left after a few years. And we converted in a Conservative shul. But we view ourselves as Modern Orthodox. 

Does anyone know how I can overcome the P & M?
 I would like to work on the SSA later.

hello betterman, I hope you find peace with your SSA. I also have it. I believe it is a test to see what we will do. Send me a message and maybe I can help you figure out ways to deal with it.
Shmuly

Welcome Betterman!

Check out this page for an overview of this site here.

Hatzlacha

shmulyz18 wrote on 26 Mar 2016 20:33:

Shmuli, can you post your credentials please, as to what help you might provide for him?

B'hatzlachah to both of you.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Mar 2016 01:32:

Well I am just trying to brainstorm. I find that listening to music helps to distract me.I know it sounded like I am a pro, but I figured maybe I could help.

Welcome betterman, and I wish you success.  As general advice for working on the P & M, connecting through the forum, e-mail or other ways with other people who have been successful is probably a must, depending on how difficult the struggle is for you.  As far as more specific things, what kinds of ideas seem like they would be most helpful to you?

To be honest, I was kinda hoping for ideas to take my mind off of sex
Does anyone have ideas how to keep myself occupied, everything I try doesn't seem to work. For instance if I get a erection, I try to do exercise to take my mind off of it, but I can't.
Betterman

betterman wrote on 27 Mar 2016 15:05:

then you better make damn sure you do everything you can not to get turned on in the first place.
otherwise reading works for me. check out some of the links in my signature. also, it helps me a lot to read articles on GYE about the negative effects that pornography has on a person. calms me right back down. because i have been there, and i do not wanna go back.

Betterman did you see what Sasha had to say?
I only see a thank you there from shmulyz, so I was just wondering if you happened to see that, unless...

I'm wondering why you and shmuly use the same expressions...
betterman wrote on 27 Mar 2016 15:05:

shmulyz18 wrote on 02 Nov 2015 22:12:


I did a search for "my mind off" and the only guy in guardyoureyes history that has the combination of "my mind off" and "sex" is betterman and shmulyz18

Here's another
betterman wrote:

shmulyz18 wrote on 23 Mar 2016 20:08:

 
betterman wrote:

Shmulyz wrote on the chat 3 months ago the EXACT thing about his own background... interesting...

ok I admit it, I am shmuly, I was doing good, and I fell.  I Just wanted
a new start and I used both profiles to cover the guilt I felt.
I was at either 60 or 70 days, I'm embarrassed because I was being so careful.
I guess I did give myself away, didn't I? oops

 

As far as ideas go, have you seen this yet?  The ultimate guide to quitting porn in 25 powerful steps

People also benefit from having a person to call for support in times of crisis, like an accountability partner.  Personally, it is helpful at the moment to ask others to guide me towards kicking my habit/addiction and turning my life around - and devote time to the "recovery assignments" they will suggest.  An internet filter can also help sometimes - have you tried that?

Peloni's idea sometimes helps me too.  Last night I was feeling really restless, and I was sure some good P & M would ease the itch...  I spent some time reading and browsing some topics on the forum that I was interested in, and eventually I began to feel the urge subsiding.  It took a while though before I came upon the right posts to reduce my urge, and the whole time I was in danger of just opening up a new tab and.. well you know the ending.

I also like to use exercise sometimes, but to me the more important part of this is getting out of my house, or my room if someone else is home.  Leaving the situation where I am tempted to engage in P & M, and really engaging with life or connecting with other people helps take my mind away from the desire.  

Some things I have done:  Jogging around the neighborhood, playing ball in the park, calling a friend to see how his day was, calling someone from GYE, doing something with family, going to 7-11 to shmooze with the male clerk (OK, so I haven't actually done this last one, but I've thought about it).

I don't consider any of these to be solutions.  Just temporary ways of managing.  My problem has become pretty habitual, so for me these tricks alone did not seem to be enough to. I could leave the house in a fit of "lust", spend a few hours out with friends or doing whatever, only to run right back to my computer when I get home- and I do mean RUN, sometimes literally.  When I was convinced that my efforts were simply not enough to get what I wanted, I became open to options that I had previously wanted to avoid or not even considered. 

How do you see your own problem?

And regarding your mother?

haha, just read the last 2 posts.

It's hard to pull off tricks like that with markz on the watch.  He trucks through just about every post here in that blue clunker of his.  When I want to find good posts on the forum, I usually just try to follow his tire tracks  

Still, if markz doesn't object.. have you seen the Quiting porn addiction flowchart yet?  Or what about the ideas in the 2 or 3 dozen idas in the GYE materials or here.  Maybe you already know these, but If ideas is what you're looking for, there is no shortage.  If you've already tried these and don't think they work, then maybe talk in your posts (or on helpline/phone-conferences/private messaging) about why they don't work for you or what goes wrong with them.  

I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Keep us posted.  I'm not a veteran at this myself, but glad to help if I can.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Mar 2016 18:03:

"shmulyz18" post=282539 date=1458944268good news , The doctors office called, and the results were mixed up with another lady. My imma doesn't have cancer. Baruch HaShem.

this was from Friday the 25th

betterman wrote on 27 Mar 2016 19:20:

I was askin' if there was ever a diagnosis in the first place.