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TOPIC: Advice please 1277 Views

Advice please 18 Mar 2016 11:51 #281702

wanttogetbetter550
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hi
i have porn addiction since my yeshiva years and have managed to stop for long periods but without complete success I have a wonderful marriage and I have admitted to my wife that I have an addiction but not how deep it is or how bad the videos are
she is obviously upset but we are deeply bonded and she is supporting me all the way however I feel a little guilty that I haven't told her that it's really porn (I told her girls in underwear videos)
but at the same time don't really know if telling her is going to help me

any advice??

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 12:16 #281703

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Welcome! It was a little risky telling her, but she wants open communication... Did you tell her when this started?
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Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 12:35 #281704

cordnoy
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Welcome,

What are you doin' for recovery?

B'hatzlachah

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

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Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 12:55 #281707

wanttogetbetter550 Current streak: 106 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 6 Karma: 0	yes i have told her this goes back about 12 years. you have to understand we are madly in love and completely obsessed with each other hense her understanding im just not sure i can tell her the truth about the videos am i right holding that back?

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 13:13 #281711

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Her sensing you're hiding anything isn't good I asked my therapist and Rabbi first, and in your situation you may wanna do that too
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Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 13:43 #281716

wanttogetbetter550 Current streak: 106 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 6 Karma: 0	i have just joined this website. any advice as to where to go next?

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 13:47 #281719

wanttogetbetter550 Current streak: 106 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 6 Karma: 0	i have a massive hole in my heart that i thought would go away when i spoke to my wife but now i think its only going to go away when i tell her the complete truth but i am scared to tell her thats where i am stuck but at the moment i can barely function i am not myself and can barely get through the day

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 13:57 #281720

cordnoy
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you need guidance.
it will probably not come from here.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 13:57 #281721

Markz
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Look I got a Haskama from the great moderator Cordnoy for you to speak to someone reliable - Rabbi / Therapist

Its a free country, you can choose to do what you wish
Rabbis surprisingly offer their services free (If you don't have a personal Rav, it's about time too)

I know the feeling what you're going thru, and if you do it right, your marriage can grow!
It sometimes helps the wife to know our struggles, and has helped me, but it's not her responsibility, whateva, I need to work and we can continue taking later

GS
Now get on your truck and vvvrrrrooooooom

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Last Edit: 18 Mar 2016 14:06 by Markz.

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 14:42 #281725

wanttogetbetter550 Current streak: 106 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 6 Karma: 0	isnt the whole point of this website to offer guidance?

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 14:59 #281729

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Where do you see what the gye charter is? I haven't found it yet Your original question was "I don't know if telling her is going to help me" The point of a wife is not to be our therapist nor guardian angel I assume most if not all the members here, gained sobriety without the wife's help Why would you want to tell her?
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Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 15:22 #281732

wanttogetbetter550 Current streak: 106 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 6 Karma: 0	why would i want to tell her? because i feel with her support i can get through this just afraid of her reaction

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 15:34 #281734

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	This is copied from the "Free Towing" page under #4 - Great Recovery Posts 8- Disclosing to Wife, see also here and hereand here and here
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 18 Mar 2016 15:35 by Markz.

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 16:57 #281740

cordnoy
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wanttogetbetter550 wrote on 18 Mar 2016 14:42:

isnt the whole point of this website to offer guidance?

The question, or better said, the answer is a very delicate one and complicated. There are many variables. It is best answered by someone who knows you.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: Advice please 18 Mar 2016 18:55 #281753

mr.clean
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This is a website where u can get advice and support, and most of us suggest that you speak with a professional before potentially losing your wife's trust forever simply for the selfish reason that YOU can't get through the day because of your guilt. I don't mean to be harsh, but I do mean to be frank. This professional could be a rabbi, therapist, old wise man at the city gates, it doesn't matter, but don't make these decisions alone. Sometimes when we are steeped in this stuff we can make the most rational of decisions. And we will support you no matter what happens or what you've done so good luck and hatzlach! We're here for u!

A mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it.