I guess I am not so new on GYE. I was actually here in the past when it was GUE (a longgggg ways back). Well, I tried the phone conferences, and the steps, and I hit 90 days too. Actually on the day I hit 90 days I wound up in serious trouble. A major calamity struck my life that I would not wish on anyone here. I remember looking up to shamayim and saying, I know this is a test, I know You're with me Hashem..... and I made it through. I was clean for a good while longer though slowly... I began to use the forum less, and lost touch with some of the buddies I made here.... Well, eventually I slid all the way down hill and back to where I was with regard to acting out.

But I held on to the belief that I was still 'cured' because I could make nedarim that would put me into a frame of action that enabled me to stay porn free for consideable periods of time. I thought, 'the power of the neder' would save me. But in the end... well that didn't work out. Here I am again, broken promises, broken me starting again. My previous screen name was OnTheRoad. Shortly after the calamity occurred I came back as BackOnTrack. There was a reason I needed to change to a new identity as my previous had been discovered. This was part of the calamity though not all of it by any means. In any case, I am back, broken (I think I said that already) but back and I need to pull myself together. But without the committment I had to 'promises' I am realizing that the reality is that it was either in me to break free or not. I have to do it on my own- again. In a day or two I will sign up on the 90 day board. Just gathering some energy to start the trek. I did it before. I fell, but the idea is to get back on the horse and keep riding. 

 

Welcome back!

I have broken promises too :-(

horse riding has been discontinued, at least that what it seems since I joined like 24 weeks ago

We drive TRUCKS here, and nobody's turning back - you're with us and you can succeed all the way!!!

BOT of the big wheeled Monstuh Truck???? Welcome back!!!! 

markz wrote on Unknown:


Ahem...
You knew I would say that
Welcome back otr!

markz wrote on Unknown:


Markz,

It is almost IMPOSSIBLE to believe that you are only here 24 weeks. You are one of the Roshei Yeshiva (or at least a Magid Shiur), you're the upbeat glue that holds this place together. You're sense of humor and energetic posting really keeps this place vibrant (of course there are others, but your personality is all over the place here). I think that alone is one of the biggest inspirations- that you can get to where you are as part of GYE and the whole program in 24 weeks. Yasher Koach!

Welcome sir,

We wish you loads of success in your road to recovery.
Whatever we can do to help, let us know please.

B'hatzlachah

Hey. I didnt know you are driving a bus these days GS. Thanks. 

Thanks. 

Workingguy wrote on Unknown:

My thoughts precisely! (But you have a very eloquent way of expressing your thoughts!) 

I figured out how to get back into my old original ID. It still fits like a glove and feels right. So- This thread and ID is discoutinued... 
Hope to chat guys and get out of isolation here..

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/278326-OnTheRoad-is-BackonTrack-is-OTR-is

peace.

 

You're in competition with Shteebs for most active usernames. 

Sometimes it takes a little while to get to know yourself.... even when it's anonymous. 

neshamaincharge wrote on Unknown:

Me too!

Bracha V'hatzlchah OTR!  

Thanks.