realsimcha wrote on 27 Mar 2016 02:42:

Thanks RS.. I am trying not to lose sight of the concept we both returned here with- that we must focus on that we are sick and not lose sight of the fact we have to continue to stay connected, no matter how good or bad we feel. 

I'm on my 59th day. A random number but its as important as any other day. I was clean yesterday! And the day before that! and with Hashem's help I am hoping I will be clean today as well.
I am still trying to post at least one time somewhere on the forum each day, and I am almost done with the handbook. I am looking for more tools and reading material that will help me along the path of sobriety. I signed up for partner program but don't have one yet. I am planning on joining the chat room. As far as reading material is concerned, I have taken a look at some articles, but i am wondering if i should read the white book and if this whole 12 step program is appropriate for me. Anyone know how to get this white book? Is there a PDF i can use or do i have to order it on line? Any ideas if i can  tell if its geared for me or is it one of those things i just gotta try and see for my self? seems there are multiple roads on how to deal with this and don't know where to start. Thanks! 

Available anytime under the "Free Towing #3" page

Or in cordnoys signature

66.199.228.237/boundary/Sexual_Addiction/whitebook.pdf

markz wrote on 28 Mar 2016 17:17:

hmm.. doesn't seem to work

I just checked - that link has moved
Ill try find and save it on gye tonight

Keep you posted bln

Till then
WHITE knuckle

K thanks so much Markz.. keep on towing!!

http://66.199.228.237/Sexual_Addiction/whitebook.pdf

Hey Shemira ! Its been a few days since we've heard your wisdom and experience. How are you doing?

realsimcha wrote on 01 Apr 2016 12:27:

Hey RS! thanks so much for thinking about me! It makes a world of a difference that someone cares and thinks about me.. please don't stop!
As far as my experience, I have been- as i think you have a little while ago, struggling between feelings of elation and sadness. Elation because I have been for a little while (for the most part) rolling along without attacks from lust. I keep catching myself with confidence that its all gone. I'm free. I keep having to remind myself that i had that feeling countless of times and each time that feelings was snuffed out eventually. I look at my count: 65 days. That's far less than my max I have had since this started of 101 days. How am I so confident that its going to be easy? K so once i internalize this, my mind goes to the other extreme and i lose confidence...101 days? that's so far off! I start thinking about the couple of times i was attacked by lust these past 65 days and i am wondering if i will get past the next one... The 101 day period was easier than this one and even then i fell.. all the more so i will fall in this one. I even have more reasons to fall this time around..
I am trying to train my brain to think in more realistic terms. I think of it as if i'm driving on a highway. I'm in a car and i'm trying to reach my destination. I have to be realistic and accept the fact that my car needs care and consideration. I can't just drive and expect to get anywhere just because my car is driving smoothly, i'll break down. So to I am sick. I need to recover even though i might not feel that way at the moment. I need to "gas up" and continue to connect to what helps me.    
But on the other hand It's a long road ahead and i'm afraid that i might run out of gas; it seems that i will  eventually. I have ran out of gas before and what should make me think i wont run out of gas again? i need to realize that 1)  i have a deeper understanding of what I have and what tools i can use to get there and 2) I might trip up in the future, but I'm still on the road and not on some off beaten path in the jungle. i might fall some times, but I will still be on the road, just perhaps on the curb waiting to get back on again. and 3) this road is probably a lifetime. There are destinations that will make it easier (90 days for ex.) but i  will be on the road for much longer than that and i must make sure i stay on that road. its not depressing.  but inspiring! this will help me  continue to make my whole life more meaningful by making myself into a better person and perhaps helping others becoming better people. Its not a road that is endless to the point i am just driving and driving- rolling along until i fall. Rather its a road that allows me to continually be learning more and growing more. I will use it to my advantage and find myself through it. I will make myself the person i'm supposed to me out of it. 
As Chazal (or someone Jewish for that matter lol) says: this life is but a passageway to the next. 
Please Hashem help me accept  my passageway or my "highway", help me understand how to navigate my highway, and help me utilize my highway to become the person i want to become.

Insightful. Inspiring. As always. Thanks!

shmirashachaim wrote on 03 Apr 2016 17:21:

Nice attitude, but for me, "today" is the only destination I know.

And once again cords: Chayiv for gezel dibur mei peh sheli. ( insert the proper tenses).

cordnoy wrote on 03 Apr 2016 18:16:

Yes i also focus on being sober today, and not expecting to be clean necessarily for the rest of my life, and i'm not focusing on how i will achieve such a feat. As I said, i anticipate the possibility of falling.
What I want to know is how you can only focus on today? Can you ignore that you I'yH you have a whole life ahead of you? Also, did it help you at all to have at least some realistic picure of who you want to be/ what your life can look like, with out this addiction? 

shmirashachaim wrote on 05 Apr 2016 19:00:

I don't understand all the questions.
What I have learned working my recovery program is to focus on what I can do better today.